Am I super ungrateful about my baby shower?

[possum18]

I really don't mean to offend anyone who loves baby showers, I'm a firm believer in 'each to their own' when it comes to such things.
I'm 34 weeks with twins, huge, on bed rest, uncomfortable and feeling super anti social.
Since the beginning of my pregnancy I told my friends and family that I really really didn't want a baby shower, I find them 'asky' (for presents and attention) and a little Americanised.
My sister has pushed and pushed and so I agreed to go out for coffee one lunch time before the twins come with my mum, sister and 2/3 closest friends. I thought this was a fair compromise. We agreed on this Sunday lunch time.
Nothing has been said since until i got a message from an old old school friend who I haven't spoken to for over a year, apologising she wouldn't be making it to my baby shower this Sunday.
Have done some digging and found out my sister is throwing me a big baby shower this Sunday, for 35 people, AT MY HOUSE!

DH had no idea and isn't too happy because he knows how uncomfortable I am, and my feelings on showers anyway.

I now don't know what to do, people were invited weeks ago and a lot of old uni friends have got the weekend off work to travel down..etc so I can't exactly cancel.

Am I ungrateful and being a bitch to be super annoyed?
I've been in full blown nesting mode this week and my house is spotless, the thought of 30+ people here makes me want to cry

Honestly I would just say you aren't up to it - text your sister & tell her to cancel, and maybe put something on fb so she can't get out of it. Baby showers sound hideous.

Oooh. I'd be furious. I was similarly opposed to them and compromised on afternoon tea out, which never actually happened.

This happened to me. My friend badgered me to have one. I was adamant that I didn't want one. It was arranged anyway. It felt super awkward and grabby. Later on she bitched to friends about how much effort she put in for me. I didn't want one flipping nutter!

Perhaps she was just trying to do something nice? Maybe it sounds awful but will turn out to be fun and a nice memory. You can just sit still and let people run around after you all day and then your sister can do all the clearing up!

One thing I noticed when I was pregnant, was how often people ignore what's best for the mother, and just do things because they want to do them.

This baby shower is a classic example of this. No way is the op up to having 35 people in her house while she's on bed rest, it just no good. But she looks like the ungrateful one for getting annoyed about it! Its just all backwards!

This would be my worst nightmare!
You should at least make her cancel on the people you no longer like or speak to. Don't worry about offending them, there will be a good reason why you drifted apart.
When will people learn that surprise parties are not appropriate for pregnant women and 80 year olds!
There are no words for how I feel about pin the sperm on the egg

I googled pin the sperm on the egg. Not only do people play it, they stick the dads face on the sperm and the mother on the egg.
This has cheered me up infinitely

My worst nightmare too, I am not a centre of attention kind of person and this would be horrendous, absolutely horrendous and I would burst a blood vessel with anger at your sister, thank fk I only have brothers! It is my 50th soon and my dh and dc have had strict instructions, reiterated every few days that i do NOT want any secret celebrations at all. A meal out with close friends that I will organise is sufficient, the day will be spent in denial,. You are a braver person than me!

I'd be saying no and not answering the door. Hate the things a just tacky and grasping.

I didn't want a shower. DSis was planning some horrendous affair complete with gift list, then I I ended up giving birth at 35 weeks so she didn't have chance. Gutted.

and that wasn't even twins

A friend went into hospital at 34+3 and gave birth to her DTs at 35 exactly. It's not unlikely.

Can you emigrate before sunday?
Or you and dh disappear somewhere pretending that you are in labour and are at the Hospital. Then when the coast is clear go home and say it was a false alarm!!

At 34 weeks, dtds had been out for 48 hours already - I wasn't going anywhere except SCBU to sit by their incubators.

They're both doing A levels now btw so all ended well.

I really don't see why you have to put yourself out to save your sister's face and your mum from feeling bad about making cakes and buying wine. Your real friends will totally understand a late cancellation.

I would flip my actual lid.

YANBU.

At ALL!

This is totally unacceptable and rude. I personally cancel saying you have a bug and don't feel very well. She should have consulted your dh about inviting all those people, and check if it's ok. What does she think she is doing!

I don't really understand why you're going along with it. Your sister has behaved appealingly and this is just enabling her. Cancel and go out for lunch with your DH!

YANBU. Your sister has been really insensitive! Your mum's house sounds like a good option to me, though - apart from anything else, you can choose when to turn up and when to leave. You go along for an hour or so...and when you've had enough, you claim tiredness/nausea/doctor ordered bedrest and leave. You save face but you don't have to put up with the whole shebang...nor do you have to clean up all the mess!

This is also something mine would do...because it's all about her! (Am currently being made to feel guilty because I'm not free for a birthday surprise she has planned for me-without even asking if I want to go!!)
When I had my dd my mum invited all the family (both sides) over to be here for drinks, nibbles and baby cuddles when I got home 12 hours after birth...it was pure fucking hell and I wish I'd had the balls to speak up!!
Please look after yourself and speak out!xx
(And why not play pin the dick on the arsehole using your sisters face??!)

Why do people do this sort of thing?

It's certainly not for the person being surprised.

And then if you're not absolutely thrilled you're going to be guilt tripped.

This is all about your sister OP. She's not thinking of you or your wishes, or how uncomfortable or stressed you're feeling at the moment, so really you don't have to tread on eggshells when dealing with her wishes.

I'd tell her as soon as possible that you know about her plans and how furious you are with her.

If you feel you can't cancel, take your mother up on her offer to have it at her house and stay for as short a time as you wish: 15 minutes at most is all I'd manage.

Was she planning to tell you that 35 people would be turning up at your house beforehand?

Wow, YANBU! Arranging it at your house as well, definitely not on.

I have twins and by that stage it involves lots of slobbing out at home. They were born at 35 weeks, so you never know when they might put in an appearance. Mine are 11 now. Twins are super!

Perhaps she was just trying to do something nice?

It's not nice, though. In what way is it kind and selfless to put yourself out for someone against their wishes? Answer: it's not. Nice is doing something you know they do want, or at least there's a reasonable chance they will like. Not the one thing they said they do not want, surely?

I had three surprise birthday showers. I was furious but I fixed a smile on and grinned and bore it because guests had gone to a lot of trouble to make lovely things for me and I didn't want to embarrass them. And I ruined the first one by being in hospital :o

Bloody hell your sis is massively overstepping, how on earth can she invite 35 people to your house when you're pregnant with twins and technically on bed rest?!! Thank god your DM has stepped in, although as previous posters have said I'd be massively tempted to fuck with her as pay back!

I'm predicting an emergency scan the day of the shower - further amnio leak, don't you know, suuuch a worry. Then you and DH hide in bed and watch tv (ahhhh, bliss)

Wow! No just no!
Mine are 9 now but I can still remember the constant tiredness, hungriness and toilet visits and I never even got as far as you. Mine arrived at 33 weeks 3 days and I honestly think I would have exploded if anything like that had been arranged for me.
Would she have behaved the same had you only been having one? Personal experience says no, ds1 was nearly 2 days old before MIL bothered to visit him but was in hospital within 12 hours with my twins and had seen the before me as they were in SCBU and I had had a section so couldn't bloody well move! I wish I could assure you the novelty will wear off but no my twins are at Grannies and ds1 is upstairs on his xbox having not been invited!
Rest, relax, do nothing as much as you can until they arrive as the first few weeks can be quite manic until get the hang of multi-tasking. Bonus is you will soon get double snuggles which is very much worth it all.