Am I super ungrateful about my baby shower?

[possum18]

I really don't mean to offend anyone who loves baby showers, I'm a firm believer in 'each to their own' when it comes to such things.
I'm 34 weeks with twins, huge, on bed rest, uncomfortable and feeling super anti social.
Since the beginning of my pregnancy I told my friends and family that I really really didn't want a baby shower, I find them 'asky' (for presents and attention) and a little Americanised.
My sister has pushed and pushed and so I agreed to go out for coffee one lunch time before the twins come with my mum, sister and 2/3 closest friends. I thought this was a fair compromise. We agreed on this Sunday lunch time.
Nothing has been said since until i got a message from an old old school friend who I haven't spoken to for over a year, apologising she wouldn't be making it to my baby shower this Sunday.
Have done some digging and found out my sister is throwing me a big baby shower this Sunday, for 35 people, AT MY HOUSE!

DH had no idea and isn't too happy because he knows how uncomfortable I am, and my feelings on showers anyway.

I now don't know what to do, people were invited weeks ago and a lot of old uni friends have got the weekend off work to travel down..etc so I can't exactly cancel.

Am I ungrateful and being a bitch to be super annoyed?
I've been in full blown nesting mode this week and my house is spotless, the thought of 30+ people here makes me want to cry

Could your mum host? Or a friend who lives reasonably close? I'd be honest with your sister - tell her you're exhausted (true), on bed rest (true) and that your doctor/midwife absolutely vetoed it (which they would if you told them about it and how stressed it's making you)

Bed rest is due to a very small amniotic leak a few weeks ago, hospital stay for nearly a week whilst they pinpointed the weakness and made sure I was leak free and babies had enough fluid and no signs of pre term labour. I do potter around the house and have been on a cleaning frenzy this week (with lots of breaks and naps in between).
My sister was aware of this too.
PP asked if she is a lot younger, but she is 3 years older. No kids of her own but 3 newish step children.

Mums agreed to host, she will make sure no one bothers me for anything on the day, DH will drop me off and pick me up an hour later. These things don't last much longer than that do they?

You can stay as long as you want. Maybe get a slight twinge after 20 mins

I think you still have a choice. As much as it's a hassle your mum can return the bubbly. The baking, well you could eat that, share it with friends etc.

I'm sure your mum would understand. You're her daughter, she won't want to see you stressed. You're supposed to be resting - your mum will get that!

DM and DH seem as though they have your back. That sounds OK.

Yanbu. I'd tell your mum and sister, actually, they assumed wrong. Especially at your own house.

That's just shit.

Maybe we could sack my sister off and have a mumsnet party and all of you cheering me up can eat cake and drink bubbles

I will take you up on that cake

DSIS is massively taking the piss, even if you weren't on bed rest inviting 30+ people to YOUR house is just so rude.

I would take your mum up on the compromise, at least if it's at her house you can leave after an hour or so (have your DH on stand by to swoop in and pick you up)

Christ that's insensitive of her. Can you tell the 'friends' you don't actually like that you're not up to it, so you only have a small gathering?

crossed posted a bit there

sounds like you, your DM and DH have it all in hand

My sister actually did this to me. She doesn't know me very well and didn't know I hate surprises like this. And I really didn't want a baby shower. And I definitely didn't want to play "pin the sperm on the egg".

But I went along with it. I found it fairly awkward but still had a good time. However, I was not 34 weeks pregnant with twins and on bed rest!

Rupert please tell me pin the sperm on the egg is not a real thing

I'd be tempted to message her to cancel coffee/lunch and tell her you're being taken on a surprise weekend trip for relaxation, massage etc. Then just laugh as panic ensures.

When is her birthday? Plan a surprise party at her flat for everyone on her FB friends list.

I had twins last month. Week 28 onwards was very uncomfortable, by week 34 I was in a lot of pain and regularly having contractions. Week 35 onwards I just wanted to have them ASAP, I couldn't breathe, sleep, eat or walk!

I really cannot think of much worse than being smiley and friendly to 35 people at 34 weeks with twins.

Good luck on Sunday! And good luck with the birth, I was so much more comfortable the minute they were born.

Aww 43percentburnt congratulations to you! Do you mind me asking how many weeks you delivered at? I'm so over being so uncomfortable, I agree completely 28 weeks was a changing point for me and it's just gone down hill from there!

How can you invite people To SOMEONE ELSES HOUSE?!?

Jeez well in thats case if you really really don't feel like you can say no, (which you are perfectly entitled to do!) then just go to your mums, lie on the sofa for half and hour eating cake then get your DH to pick you up saying you don't feel well.

Your babies health has to come first and as their mum that's your responsibility, other people's feelings are secondary (see, like I said, good practice!!!)

I'm afraid pin the sperm on the egg is a real thing. Well, it was at my baby shower at least. Since your sister seems to like surprises I wouldn't rule out the possibility of certain games waiting in store for you...

YANBU. My sister would pull this kind of shit too
(and has!) so I fully sympathise. I've already told her no baby shower and as far as she's aware I'm still TTC (she brought it up!)

You can cancel it. Blame your sister as it's her fault.

I found out about a 'surprise' Hen Do in a similar fashion last year after specifically stating that I did not want a Hen Do. I called my Mum and told her that under no circumstances was I going to attend and let her deal with the fallout from my sister. I got a massive guilt trip but they had been told. I'm fully expecting the same to happen with this baby.

YANBU and I am a fan of baby showers.

It's rude that she went ahead after you said no and let's be frank - you are 34 weeks with twins you could give birth at any time!

Don't attend if you don't want to and don't feel bad about it - she took the risk of throwing a surprise party at an awkward time for someone who never wanted it,

Ive been to a couple. Usually lots of cake and nice nibbles and an optional silly game. Lasted about 2 hours. Mostly a nice catch up, with friends The mum wouldn't have much time for soon.

Hi there. My DTSs are now 2 1/2. I had them at 38+4. The last weeks were so tough, I could barely stay upright without fainting (they were big babies). I can't imagine anything worse than having to go to a baby shower. BUT...one good thing is that you won't believe how many clothes you'll need at first so hopefully everyone will be sensible and get you lots of vests and babygros! Good luck, it's tough at first (get your sister to come and make you food when the babies arrive), but wonderful and very special too

pin the sperm on the egg oh dear lord...

When a friend of my SIL was pregnant she got all excited as she seemed to think putting chocolate in nappies was the thing to do... I just smiled -whilst trying not to vomit at the though--

She said when it happens for you we can do that, I smiled sweetly whilst thinking thank god I live so far away and mum you will be enlisted to protect me

Feel for you though OP must be tough a decision but don't do it if you don't want to and it sounds like you really don't want too

you said 'no' and have been ignored. Tell your sister and your mum that while you know they meant well (worst insult...) you said you didn't want this and you do not feel up to it. And your doctor evidently agrees.

the party is NOT HAPPENING. Tell them you want to see people after the babies arrive, although sounds like some of the people on the list can wait until they graduate...

hope all goes very well. Take no prisoners!