Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I super ungrateful about my baby shower?

114 replies

possum18 · 18/03/2016 17:01

I really don't mean to offend anyone who loves baby showers, I'm a firm believer in 'each to their own' when it comes to such things.
I'm 34 weeks with twins, huge, on bed rest, uncomfortable and feeling super anti social.
Since the beginning of my pregnancy I told my friends and family that I really really didn't want a baby shower, I find them 'asky' (for presents and attention) and a little Americanised.
My sister has pushed and pushed and so I agreed to go out for coffee one lunch time before the twins come with my mum, sister and 2/3 closest friends. I thought this was a fair compromise. We agreed on this Sunday lunch time.
Nothing has been said since until i got a message from an old old school friend who I haven't spoken to for over a year, apologising she wouldn't be making it to my baby shower this Sunday.
Have done some digging and found out my sister is throwing me a big baby shower this Sunday, for 35 people, AT MY HOUSE!

DH had no idea and isn't too happy because he knows how uncomfortable I am, and my feelings on showers anyway.

I now don't know what to do, people were invited weeks ago and a lot of old uni friends have got the weekend off work to travel down..etc so I can't exactly cancel.

Am I ungrateful and being a bitch to be super annoyed?
I've been in full blown nesting mode this week and my house is spotless, the thought of 30+ people here makes me want to cry Sad

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 18/03/2016 17:23

Completely agree with what OP and others have said about Baby Showers - utterly cringy and grabby. Is your DSis a lot younger than you? That would be the only excuse I could think of. I get what you're saying about trying to build a bridge, so in your shoes I'd try and curb my rage, and explain to her that it's a lovely idea, but not what you want and too stressy with the pregnancy.

Then message everyone and move the location to the original cafe or a park.

If your sister meant well, then it's a shame she got it wrong, but it's not impossible for you to tweak it to make it better for you.

ElementaryMyDear · 18/03/2016 17:23

What the fuck is she doing inviting 35 people to your house without even asking your DH, let alone you?

I'd be tempted to phone her and say you're on complete bedrest, you can't come out for coffee, you can't entertain people - and sit back and listen to the panic in her voice.

VimFuego101 · 18/03/2016 17:23

Just text her an hour or so before, and tell her you'll already be in town and will meet her at the coffee place, so you can watch her tying herself in knots trying to find an excuse as to why that won't work.

Absofrigginlootly · 18/03/2016 17:24

So she has a one bed flat do what?! It's not as if you will all be spread out between your 4 bedrooms! You will all be in the living room I'm guessing?

So tell her that she's just going to have to accommodate everyone.

Or if you really are on proper hospital-orders bed rest then you really are going to have to tell her to cancel.

Tell her to contact everyone and explain that you had no idea about it. That she messed up and you are not well enough for visitors.

Absofrigginlootly · 18/03/2016 17:25

*so what

AnnaMarlowe · 18/03/2016 17:25

Your Mum must be aware of all this though? Why didn't she step in?

I remember what it was like being pregnant with twins at 34 weeks. No way in hell I've wanted to host a party.

I don't think I'd cancel but words would be said, loudly.

Bluecarrot · 18/03/2016 17:25

My friend did something similar (not at my house though!) and I still cringe. It was a surprise because I said I just wanted dinner with her and another friend, but when we got there, there was about 10 people and I had to open all these gifts in front of them ( most useless to me for various reasons) ... I actually went to loos to cry. I felt HORRIBLE about it.
You need to tell her outright that you dont want it and she needs to cancel and explain, truthfully, to everyone why it's being cancelled.
I really wish I'd had the chance.

Dont mess your sister around. She needs to tell the guests asap.

Original poster
possum18 · 18/03/2016 17:25

Just spoken to my mum and told her I know, she said my 'd'sis told her I was fine with it Angry. my mum has spent her afternoon baking and shopping for Sunday and bought a case of bubbly, now I just feel bad if I let everyone down. Want to cry.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 18/03/2016 17:26

I would cancel.
I would clearly state that you are on bed rest and not in any position to be hosting a party. I'd apologise for having to cancel but also explain very clearly that you only just found out about it and you are just not up to it at present.

I would be furious with the sister though - that is just so thoughtless, and actually quite nasty to go against your express wishes.

Original poster
possum18 · 18/03/2016 17:26

Just spoken to my mum and told her I know, she said my 'd'sis told her I was fine with it Angry. my mum has spent her afternoon baking and shopping for Sunday and bought a case of bubbly, now I just feel bad if I let everyone down. Want to cry. She's offered her house so that might be a compromise and I'll have to grin and bare it for an hour or so.

OP posts:
Original poster
possum18 · 18/03/2016 17:27

Didn't mean to double post Confused

OP posts:
RedOnHerHedd · 18/03/2016 17:27

You shouldn't feel bad. Your Dsis should be the one feeling bad.

The food can still be eaten and the bubbly can be kept til after the twins come.

Bluecarrot · 18/03/2016 17:28

Don't feel bad possum. Bubbly will keep to celebrate the birth. In sure a lot of the bought and baked stuff can be frozen and what can't, perhaps your close family can have a gathering... Though it might be awkward. :/

sunnydayinmay · 18/03/2016 17:28

Just tell your Mum you can't do it. You are not supposed to be stressed - surely that's the point of bedrest? She's organised it, she'll just have to cancel it!

notinagreatplace · 18/03/2016 17:28

Your sis is awful.

I think, given that various old friends are coming down, you should maybe go ahead at your mum's house - but maybe make it less of a "baby shower" and more of a catch-up with old friends.

Original poster
possum18 · 18/03/2016 17:29

Maybe we could sack my sister off and have a mumsnet party and all of you cheering me up can eat cake and drink bubbles Wine

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 18/03/2016 17:29

I agree with RedOnHerHedd

"... being completely honest would be best. I'm on bedrest, I've found out, I don't need this stress, I don't feel very well, cancel it please".

The guests do not know what your not-so-DSis has done, and should be stood down decently (even the ones you no longer talk to).

It might be worth telling your DMum that you really mean it, and DH will not be opening the door to anyone that day (and there will be a note on it telling people not to disturb - hope you have no deliveries imminent)

EverySongbirdSays · 18/03/2016 17:30

As I thought, you've now been forced into as other people have put themselves out for you, but GRAB the opportunity of it being at your Mums though OP, at least thats something.

nellyflora · 18/03/2016 17:30

No yanbu I hate baby showers horrible tacky American things but I'm very English in the don't count your chickens before they hatch way. But at your own home without your agreement big fat no.
You could make your sister cancel,gifts can be given on safe arrival of babies. Lunch /coffee with old friends only?
But I would really be cross with your sister and mother on this one and would be as clear as day on why.
If you really don't want it just say you are not well so no longer able to do 'coffee'. Good luck with it X

RedOnHerHedd · 18/03/2016 17:30

Me! I love cake!

Whoa!!!!!!
Hang on a minute.....
Where the fuck is the cake emoji!?!?

1frenchfoodie · 18/03/2016 17:31

Poor you. I hate baby showers for the same reasons as you and as for 35 people, some of whom you don't even like, at your house, wow!

It is short notice but I'd get her to cancel, she went against your very clear wishes. It would be perfectly fair to be totally candid with her about why though I alsoI like the suggestion from rupert on how to do this.

If you feel you cant get her to cancel then at the very minimum I'd make sure your sis knows she has to restore your house to its original spotless state.

Zaurak · 18/03/2016 17:32

I would be furious.
You are on bed rest. How much bed rest ? (I was allowed light pottering but I know sometimes it means off your feet a specific number of hours a day,) you need to rest. Bugger offending people. Medical professionals have told you to rest. So rest.

Call your sister and tell her you're resting, you said no and that's that

Eat the cake though :)

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2016 17:34

Oh my gosh, what a nightmare. I don't know that you have a choice now, your mum and friends going to such effort.

But revenge... You need to plot some revenge.

Pooseyfrumpture · 18/03/2016 17:34

Is she going to tidy up before? Or after? How is this going to be at all a nice treat for you?

Bunbaker · 18/03/2016 17:35

It sounds like it is too late to cancel. I would take up your mum's offer to have it at her house. The advantage being is that you can leave when you have had enough after half an hour

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread