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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People keep saying she's tiny!

115 replies

Rubysmummy2016 · 16/03/2016 17:01

Hi all,

I need to rant. My little girl is now almost 4 weeks old, she was 5 weeks premature when born (waters broke at 33 weeks so had to be induced). I've just started building up the courage and the confidence to take her out to see friends and some family but it's bringing me down. Whenever someone see's her or holds her they say "she's so tiny", "I can hardly feel her in my arms" so on and so on.

People have even asked to hold her because of how small she is saying "All the babies in my family have been 8/9lb, I've never held a baby so small!" Thank you very f--king much, get away from me and my baby (didn't say that, made up some excuse and walked away).

I know I am probably over reacting, but I know she is small. I don't see why every one needs to remind me constantly that I couldn't carry her to full term and that she's not as big as everyone else's babies. This is probably more of my own issue than anyone else, but have any other mummies of a premature baby felt like this?

OP posts:
cleaty · 16/03/2016 18:43

I say this about all newborn babies. They do all look tiny, even when they they are born at 10lbs. Honestly, people say this about all babies.

MistressMerryWeather · 16/03/2016 18:43

Exactly Perspicacia, there's not much else to say about newborns.

Lockheart · 16/03/2016 18:49

My cousin had a nearly 9lb baby yesterday. My first words upon seeing the photos were "Oh he's so TINY!! Grin Grin "

It's just a thing people say with babies, although I can understand that you're sensitive to it. But it's a generic thing, like "Aw he's so gorgeous" even if privately you think he looks like a small, angry Winston Churchill.

Please try not to take it to heart. The next thing will be "My isn't she growing so quickly, where does the time go??"

Notso · 16/03/2016 18:51

Two of mine were over 9lb and I had loads of comments about how gigantic they were and how I must have had loads of stitches etc.
Even now they are 11 and 5 both really tall, head and shoulders taller than their classmates and they get loads of comments how massive they are and what do I feed them on.
People say stuff, it's just what they do.

hazeyjane · 16/03/2016 18:53

My mum always says, 'oh my what a beautifully shaped head!' About every baby she has ever seen, their head could be the shape of bag of misshapen potatoes, she would still say it. People just have default things they say about babies.

Congratulations!

RB68 · 16/03/2016 18:53

Most people say this about newborns in general but I get what you are saying mine was a 31+5 and 3lb9 4lb when she came home 3 weeks later. She was 6 when I met my health visitor in the supermarket and she said she always remembered me because of how tiny DD was!!!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 16/03/2016 18:54

Why does it bother you?

My littler twin was 4lb 6 and tiny. Tiny babies are tiny babies - and they do seem more fragile than bigger ones! Plus, they tend to be skinnier because they don't start to lay down fat till after 36 weeks.

Congratulations, enjoy your baby, don't sweat the small stuff. People are just trying to make conversation with you Flowers

BertrandRussell · 16/03/2016 18:54

My ds was 10'6. People kept telling me how big he was. I had noticed!

Oldraver · 16/03/2016 18:56

DS was 4 1/2 ponds when I bougth him home form hospital and was slow to put on weight (15llbs at a year old)..I got the isnt he small all the time even up to when he went to school as he was always much smaller than his classmates. Someone even recently commented he had grown such a lot and had now caught up (at 10)

However, I also got a lot of people being surprised at things he did as they didnt expect someone so small to be doing them..even if he didnt walk till he was 18 months, people assumed he was not quite one. I just used to smile and nod and not explain unless I was really pushed

BertrandRussell · 16/03/2016 18:57

"My mum always says, 'oh my what a beautifully shaped head!' "

My MIL says "Oh, what beautiful ears!" Grin

BranstonPickleandPeanutButter · 16/03/2016 18:58

They don't mean any harm... my DS was 10lb 7 and went home in 3-6 month clothes. Everyone said the same... just as they did with my nearly half weight DD1 and slightly smaller DD2. It's that they're newborns. Congratulations too!

TattyDevine · 16/03/2016 19:03

It's true about the angry Winston Churchill, or Jewish Accountant with a Combover. You just say the generic newborn thing. Also "oh he has an old soul". Heard that lots.

PrimalLass · 16/03/2016 19:06

I had an 11lb-er and was asked if I felt sad at missing out on the newborn stage Angry

ok so he had head control and biceps at birth but I was still annoyed

breezydoesit · 16/03/2016 19:10

In the nicest possible way YABU. People always say that about babies and they're defo not commenting on the fact that you didn't carry her to full term. Congrats on baby Flowers

whatatod0 · 16/03/2016 19:16

My dd was born with huge round saucer like eyes, and for months people - even strangers passing by in the street would stop me and say "oh gosh, look at her eyes!" errr - yes, I have noticed them actually. People just love babies and don't stop to think that they may be stating the obvious! (dd has since grown into her eyes now and is a beautiful 10yr old!!)

Congrats on your lovely baby girl OP.

Nocoffeenouppee · 16/03/2016 19:22

'couldn't carry him to term'. This is not a failing on your part. It sounds as though you have some unresolved guilt surrounding this. I don't really have any useful advice about how to overcome it. People aren't thinking about you this way either. As pps have said. People think all newborns are tiny, even the big ones. Congratulations on your baby, and successfully navigating the first few weeks. x

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 16/03/2016 19:25

Calm down no, will you? :)

SoupDragon · 16/03/2016 19:25

I don't see why every one needs to remind me constantly that I couldn't carry her to full term

Precisely one person is doing that - you. No one else actually cares, they are just stating a fact. Presumably no one is saying " OMG! she's so TINY! Aren't you FEEDING HER?" They are commenting because weeny babies are cute (until they turn into weeny stroppy toddlers :)) and it is said with affection.

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 16/03/2016 19:25

Calm down now, will you? :)

MoonriseKingdom · 16/03/2016 19:26

It's honestly just something people say about babies. If you haven't held one for a while even a larger than average new born seems unbelievably dinky. In 6 months time you'll look at clothes from this age and marvel at how she could have ever fitted them.

My 18 month old was a very average size at birth but is on the petite size with small feet/ hands. She eats plenty, she just takes after me. I get frequent comments of 'ooh she's tiny' and 'like a doll'. I really don't mind, it's not a criticism. One of the things I actually really like about having a child is strangers, particularly older people are way more friendly and chatty than when I am on my own.

grimbletart · 16/03/2016 19:33

I had the "she's just like a doll" about one of my DCs Moonrise. She was. But she had her own back so to speak. She was so light she was walking properly before she was 9 months old (didn't have to lug a lot of weight around!) and running rings around the bigger ones. She later went on to be very good at gymnastics - not surprising as she scaled a 4ft wire netting fence at the bottom of the garden just before her first birthday and was found two gardens away! I need eyes in my arse to stop her escaping…...

teawamutu · 16/03/2016 19:40

I had the same with ds2, who was just over 3lbs at birth. I got stopped and told how tiny my baby was Every. Single. Time we went out for months. Someone once asked me if he was one of those reborn dolls (to which I longed to ask if I looked like the kind of weirdo who'd take a doll out to the shops in a pram. Ffs).

They meant well, but I already had a massive complex about his size and failing to grow him properly and it hit a very raw nerve, every time.

I've nothing useful to say, but sympathy, and it will pass.

Dixiebell · 16/03/2016 19:41

I know exactly what you mean. My baby wasn't prem, she was quite big when born but is now on 9th centile. People comment a lot about how small she is. I know it's just one of those things people say and they don't intend to make a point, but when there are sensitivities about your baby's size - because she was prem, or in my case because she is dropping centiles - it can be irksome. It's like when you're pregnant and people comment that your bump is huge or small - people don't realise that it can cause anxiety if you have niggling concerns about having a big baby or a small one, or just be annoying! So I understand how you feel but not sure anything can be done about it.

MrsMook · 16/03/2016 19:41

I remember when DS1 was born, SiL commented that she couldn't remember DN being so small. He was less than a year, and it seemed a daft comment when DS was born 3lb bigger than DN.

Then when DS2 was 3m, my friend had her baby who was the same birth weight. We took photos marvelling at how "small" her baby was next to mine who'd lumped on the pounds since being born.

Babies grow quickly and its easy to forget how small they can be as it's such a short stage of their lives. People aren't being personal.

It can take a little while for birth trauma to sink in, and may well be worth you following up for some support as your interpretation of what is no more than mildly irritating small talk seems to be exposing some underlying feelings.

MrsDeVere · 16/03/2016 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.