People keep saying she's tiny!

[Rubysmummy2016]

Hi all,

I need to rant. My little girl is now almost 4 weeks old, she was 5 weeks premature when born (waters broke at 33 weeks so had to be induced). I've just started building up the courage and the confidence to take her out to see friends and some family but it's bringing me down. Whenever someone see's her or holds her they say "she's so tiny", "I can hardly feel her in my arms" so on and so on.

People have even asked to hold her because of how small she is saying "All the babies in my family have been 8/9lb, I've never held a baby so small!" Thank you very f--king much, get away from me and my baby (didn't say that, made up some excuse and walked away).

I know I am probably over reacting, but I know she is small. I don't see why every one needs to remind me constantly that I couldn't carry her to full term and that she's not as big as everyone else's babies. This is probably more of my own issue than anyone else, but have any other mummies of a premature baby felt like this?

[Mousefinkle]

Mirroring everyone else, all babies are tiny. It's that initial reaction when you first see how tiny or feel how light a newborn is. I remember when my third DC was born, she was my biggest at 10 lbs 3 and didn't seem all that small until my 14 month old sat beside her and then all of a sudden she seemed like the tiniest thing ever. It's just how people react to such a small beautiful thing. I do it when I look at pics of my DC as babies too "Awh look how tiny they were!".

You're understandably being over sensitive here, don't take it to heart, it's really not meant personally .

[DontBuyANewMumCashmere]

Congratulations on your beautiful new baby

My DD was average birth weight but slightly on the tubby side after a few weeks.
I got

[DontBuyANewMumCashmere]

Oops sorry posted too soon...
I got "Oh she's massive/big/huge/thriving" for months. Just try to ignore it if you can. It's probably not meant rudely.

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

I had this with my dd, I can remember feeling irrationally annoyed by it as well!

She is now 10yo and I get a lot of 'oh isn't she tall' comments

Congrats on your baby

[CutYourHairAndGetAJob]

Oh I remember this, and dd was always the smallest baby at every baby group till she was about 6 weeks old. I got sick of having to explain every time that she was premature etc. It does pass though and dd is now a chubby three year old, and looks like a giant next to baby ds.

[Thornrose]

I felt exactly like you when dd was newborn. She was full term but unexpectedly tiny which made me feel guilty somehow.

The first time I took her out in a sling I felt as though everyone was looking and commenting. Almost like she was too small to be out! I felt as though people thought I was doing the wrong thing by just having her outside! I virtually ran home in tears.

With the benefit of hindsight she was like a tiny little doll (with a huge mop of black hair!) People were looking and commenting with no idea of the effect it was having on me. They just couldn't help themselves.

Please don't let it stop you from enjoying your baby. I'd do anything for a hold, mine is 16 now and almost as big as me!

[Budgetbust]

Awhhh.

When I first saw my niece I said the same. About how tiny she was. My sister burst in to tears because everyone else was commenting how 'bonny' she was, she wailed they're all saying my baby is fatttttt.

I was favourite sister/Aunt for a few weeks

[IslaSinga]

Babies ARE tiny and people love to hold tiny babies!
Congratulations!

[Rubysmummy2016]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to post. I can see that I am maybe being a bit irrational, and I think it could be PND or maybe even PTSD from the labour as it was pretty traumatic. I think what's made this worse is we spent 10 days on TCU where the main focus was her weight, her size. She had to have a feeding tube and that really affected me, but the midwives and consultants were constantly saying she wasn't gaining enough weight, wasn't gaining it quick enough, so maybe I've linked the whole weight issue into the trauma and become a bit oversensitive to it? Who knows. X

[Narp]

I can absolutely see why you are sensitive to it, but also that people may have no idea about this and are just saying stuff.

My friend nada bay at 29 weeks who was teeny tiny.

Strapping 6foot teenager now, but I know what she went through during the weeks in NICu, and the months afterwards at home.

[Narp]

"nada bay" ???

had a baby

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

💐🍫

I'm sorry you had such a worrying time with her. Hearing things like 'failure to thrive' is scary. Having them so early is scary. Scary & traumatic...something you need to discuss with someone trained to help you process it. It's absolutely no wonder at all that you are very sensitive to people saying she's tiny 💐

However, please try to accept (for YOUR sake) that people are NOT criticising you for not carrying her to term, or for her not gaining weight quickly or anything at all. You are the only one beating yourself up about that, and as it's no picnic at all to have a baby so early, I'm guessing it wasn't something you actually choose or brought about...so stop being so hard on yourself!! You have brought a beautiful baby into the world, accept that everyone sees a perfect, tiny, adorable little baby girl and just marvels at nature...and life. Babies are either 'tiny' or 'huge'...it's just human nature to comment without thinking through any & all implications of the statement.

Be kind to yourself and find someone specialised in dealing with traumatic Orem births to talk to, you need to process what has happened xx

[Brummiegirl15]

Hi OP. My baby was 6 weeks early and we also spent time on the TCU - 9 days and she was tube fed. We came home with the tube and it's so hard. She's 12 weeks tomorrow and is only 9 lbs and people still comment on how tiny she is.

I totally get it. Big hugs

[10storeylovesong]

My ds was 2 lb 3 when born and came home after 9 weeks weighing just over 4lb. People used to stop me all the time to tell me how tiny he was. Because he was! There's not a lot more they could say about him! I used to be pleased that people were nice enough to stop and chat and it was always a conversation starter. I was so proud of my little fighter that I was always happy to tell anyone who'd listen how brave he'd been. I'm pretty sure no one ever meant any menace by it, and would have been mortified if they thought they'd caused me offence.

He's 3 now and still small and skinny for his age. He eats like a bird so probably always will be.

I mean this kindly as you've been through a lot recently, but I do feel you're being slightly over sensitive. Unless you've had a prem baby you have no idea of the feelings of guilt the mother carries so don't mean to point fingers when making an innocuous comment. Please just enjoy this time with your little one without overthinking things. You've got a long way to go yet and it's harder than it has to be if you're looking for meanings that aren't there.

[Xmasbaby11]

Please don't be offended. I'm sure I've said this about every new baby I've ever met. Now I'm a mother I would be more sensitive about size if I knew the baby was premature.

Dd was 9lb 15. It was a traumatic birth and we were kept in hospital for a week - but she was literally twice the size of many babies there. And of course we had all the 'she's so tiny!' Comments. All newborn babies are tiny!

[freebreeze]

My first baby was small. Everyone remarked that she was a little doll. It was worse when it was other mothers comparing her to their babies of a similar age. I took it to heart and longed for someone to notice how much she was growing etc. She's a teenager now and I regret letting it get to me. I should have enjoyed her being a little doll as now she's taller than me and most of my friends. The mum that compared the most as babies, has a tiny teenager now!! Enjoy your little one. I bet she's absolutely beautiful xx

[grannytomine]

My son was over 10lbs and people were always going on about how big he was, how he didn't look like a new born. Yes, I knew, I had the stitches to remind me! People talk rubbish, don't let it bother you.

[CallMeExhausted]

DD came home at 4lb 9oz - she was very tiny. I heard it from every person with a mouth.

10 years later, she is 4 stone even and 120 cm tall. I am more annoyed by those who comment on how tiny she is now - it didn't bother her back then.

[Quodlibet]

I think fair enough if you feel offended. I don't think people are being as sensitive as they could be. Yes yes people say stupid shit but THINK people, before you open your mouths!

If it's a stranger who doesn't know your child was prem, they shouldn't really be that over-familiar. And if it's someone who knows your history, they are being insensitive by commenting that she is small.

[CazM2012]

My first 2 were the 8/9 lbers. I was told constantly they were huge, massive, chubby, that bothered me. Then my little boy was 4 weeks early and 5lb, he was tiny and it got mentioned a lot, which bothered me, I got told that I couldn't grow a 'normal' sized one . I think some people just don't know what to say, my lb is 1 next month and shall we say filled out!! Now heavier than both his sisters at this age!

[Pixilicious]

Congratulations on your baby! My daughter was 7 weeks early and just 4lb when we brought her home and she was tiny; people used to comment on it all the time, one old lady asked me if she was a doll! . I'm sure no one meant it in an offensive way but tiddlers like ours are special and out of the ordinary. To be honest, when she became a 'normal' size I missed the comments. And rest assured it won't last forever, my little one started out 0.04% and is now 95%height and 98% weight! Good luck and try to think on it as people saying how special they are.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

My MIL says "Oh, what beautiful ears!"

Ermmmm I think I might be your MIL,

I really hope I'm a good one and you don't think I'm a pain in the arse

[Nibledbyducks]

I had placental insuficiency with DS1, he was 6lb 8oz when he was born and lost a fair bit to start with, he was 50cm long and was all skin and bone. His arms and legs were lost in a new born baby grow. I was really sensetive about his weight for a very long time, he's a perfecly healthy 17 year old now. When they're tiny and you're all focussed on centile charts in the red book, and you've been programmesd to worry about weight then I think it's pretty normal to take comments to heart. DD1 who's my fourth child was 6lb 11oz, and I really didn't care what anyone said about her being tiny, because she was fairly tiny, and she was my fourth, so I had more confidence and didn't care what anyone thought. Don't sweat it, your DD is perfect just the way she is :)

[elliejjtiny]

I think all newborns are tiny. Probably because I'm still in denial that my 21 month old isn't a newborn any more .

Sending you an unmumsnetty hug. I had a 35 week baby too, although he had a lot of health problems so by the time I brought him home he wasn't that tiny anymore.