People keep saying she's tiny!

[Rubysmummy2016]

Hi all,

I need to rant. My little girl is now almost 4 weeks old, she was 5 weeks premature when born (waters broke at 33 weeks so had to be induced). I've just started building up the courage and the confidence to take her out to see friends and some family but it's bringing me down. Whenever someone see's her or holds her they say "she's so tiny", "I can hardly feel her in my arms" so on and so on.

People have even asked to hold her because of how small she is saying "All the babies in my family have been 8/9lb, I've never held a baby so small!" Thank you very f--king much, get away from me and my baby (didn't say that, made up some excuse and walked away).

I know I am probably over reacting, but I know she is small. I don't see why every one needs to remind me constantly that I couldn't carry her to full term and that she's not as big as everyone else's babies. This is probably more of my own issue than anyone else, but have any other mummies of a premature baby felt like this?

I wish I'd had MN all those years ago. My now gorgeous, tall 27 yo
DS was tiny when he was born. A bit like a skinned rabbit tbh. I felt ultra sensitive about it. The comments used to drive me witless. People just say things like 'Isn't she/he tiny' as a sort of default setting.
Spend lots of time with people who love you and your lovely baby. To the bone headed commentators just say ' Yes I'm so lucky'. or ' I'm so glad that she's back home and so healthy'. Anything positive. I know exactly how you feel. Congratulations on your beautiful daughter. This too shall pass.

Congratulations on your baby. It is just a think people say about newborns. People have said it about mine and they were 8lb7 and 7lb14 so not tiny at all. All newborns feel tiny especially to mums of slightly older babies who can't believe how much their babies have grown. Don't take it to heart and enjoy your little girl

My DD was born at 35 weeks, weighed just over 4lb, had huge brown eyes, was short and scrawny, no hair and a pointed face ( with a dimple in her chin) and an odd shaped head (ventouse delivery) she spent time in nicu and then scbu and then developed Jaundice, whenever anyone commented on her being so tiny my reply was, (laughing) she's an Alien baby. When an HCP said that I was being negative I pointed out that she was being negative by calling her tiny while I was jokingly calling her an Alien baby, and surely she could say something positive. The next time this particular HCP saw her (the following day) she commented on my daughters beautiful big brown eyes and I didn't call her an Alien baby. Before we left the hospital we ended laughing about it.

I guess that a babies size is the first thing people notice so naturally it's the first thing they comment on, try drawing their attention to something positive. It is annoying though.

BTW congratulations

I used to say "yes she's going to be an olympic gymnast so we need her small". :)

Congratulations!

You are taking it a bit personally, but it's completely understandable why. It definitely is just something that's said about all babies, unless they are whoppers.

My almost 11lb DS1 formed part of an unofficial tour for the student midwives when we were still in hospital. We were the first stop after seeing the micro-preemies to "cheer them up" and so they could "appreciate the contrast". All very well meant, but also quite insulting! I laugh about it now but I was upset at the time as I had an image in my head of what my DS would look like, and what he actually looked like wasn't anything close.

I think that people comment as newborns are tiny! I don't thinks it's particularly because your baby was prem, just because they grow and change so quickly that its mind blowing to realise that they started so small.

I look at 6mo DS and still think he's tiny (he really isn't!), but I look back at his newborn pics and I can hardly believe how little he was (7lb 3oz). Even his 10lb at birth brother was tiny.

Congratulations on your daughter

I think you are being unreasonable. They won't be meaning it in a rude way

Oh dear, I say that, but that's because DS was a 9lb 12oz bruiser! If we see a newborn baby when we're out and about, I tell him, "You were never that small!" I hope I haven't inadvertantly upset people.

My DD was 5lb14 when she was born, a week after a friend's 9lber. So she looked properly tiny next to her. She dressed in tiny baby clothes too, because she was just that. She still looked dinky when she started to walk in her 6-9m babygrows :)

I'm 5ft and a size 8. My response was to gesture at my body and say, well I'd hardly want a giant one! People then agreed and told me she was gorgeous

Neonatal units are always obsessed with food and weight, it's usually the last box to tick in order to go home.

Congratulations, enjoy her tininess while it lasts :)

DS2 was 11lb3 so I had everyone telling me the perfectly obvious fact that 'he's enormous'! It does also mean that my perception of all 'average' sized babies is that they are indeed tiny!

Enjoy your little baby snuggles, she'll grow so quickly!

Congratulations OP. I can see why you'd be sensitive about her weight, but people are just commenting on her perfect, delicate beauty. They're not calling her scrawny.

The smaller things are, the cuter they are. Fact.

It must have been awful and very, very traumatic. I can't imagine the pain and worry when your baby's every breath and fraction of an ounce had so much significance. On top of a traumatic birth.

I think you need to treat yourself very gently, you've been through the mill and it's going to have some effect on you.

I'm sure I've done that automatic cooing over newborns 'oooooh he/she is so adorable, so small and sweet!'

It's a general newborn thing like others have said and I will make an effort to change my automatic comments as I'd be so sorry to cause anyone pain when being awe struck at the wonder of life.

My DS was massive - suspected undiagnosed gestational diabetes and I was very sensitive about it. I didn't get to hold him for what felt like forever as they whisked him away as he was SO big they thought it might be a sign of something bad. Then he had problems with blood sugar and it was very scary - though not a patch on your experience I'm sure

And then random doctors came up to visit him as the docs who did the csection had been gossiping about the mammoth baby in the staff canteen! I laughed and joked about him being a 'famous baby', but you know, underneath I felt terrible about it. Guilt, anxiety and then upset as a midwife said she couldn't see the fuss as he was just fat and large like his mother... Nice. I was fat because I was very poorly and couldn't move around, and was comfort eating, my natural size was 5ft 11 and size 8 so I already felt like I'd transformed into a walking blimp.

It's amazing how much people's words can embed into your brain/ heart at such significant moments in your life.

I think I had PND and wish I'd sought help for it. It's interesting to note that a pp said anxiety is a big symptom, that's important to bear in mind. A midwife told me (a different one from the fat comment one in hospital) that I couldnt have PND as I'd written a list of 30 questions to ask her, and detailed notes of every tiny thing he did as I was worried about so much after I got home. I'd say that was a clear sign of how anxious I felt, not a sign I was coping!

Anyway, I hope you get some distance between you and the traumatic stuff. And definitely try and be kind to yourself and don't be scared to tell people if you're feeling anxious or depressed as suffering in silence is rubbish! It can really eat into your early days with your baby and makes everything so miserable and hard.

Everyone used to say how huge my son was when he was born. They don't mean anything by it. I'm afraid as a parent you'll have to learn to either develope a thick skin or get angry for the rest of her life because people will always be making comments/offering unwanted opinions on you, your child, your parenting etc etc etc.

15 years ago I had a premature baby ( 31 weeks) and the health visitor called him a "dot". I was furious and still remember feeling angry and defensive.

He is now a big strapping lad and I see the funny side - but it took me 15 years.

I know how you feel. Babies are not objects to pass comment on, especially when they are vulnerable and your hormones are still raging.