Have you ever been put off someone by something they've said?

[MysteryHopper]

As in the title really - have you ever really liked, respected and admired someone until they said one thing that totally put you off them and made you see them in a different light?

Totally.

Most recently someone I worked with (who I had actually started to respect) said 'Oh, she looked really good until about five years ago then, you know, her face started dropping and she got wrinkles. She used to be stunning'.

The woman he was talking about is still stunning, in her 50's and looks like Emma Thompson.

WTAF.

At my wedding ten of the women from my work came and wore their national formal dress-all of them originally from Nigeria so gorgeous,bright floor length dresses and huge amazing headdresses.They looked so beautiful.
My brothers father in law said to me, 'isn't it nice that you got your bongo ladies to come'. I was livid.I later told my brother what he had said and he just shrugged.
Have avoided the father in law ever since and it really altered my view of my brother.

Gee, thanks Nanette! Can't do smiley, but have one anyway.

I'd been with the same hairdresser for years. Out of the blue one day she made a derogatory comment about people who are claiming benefits and immigrants (cos they're all the same, you see ). I have never been back to her since.

We thought our new neighbours were pretty nice and normal. About 6 months after moving in, I was admiring their new path,. It was made up of tiny bricks, all laid beautifully and it wound its way around the whole house.

They started boasting about what a bargain it had been. The man had only charged 4.50 an hour, he was a bit "simple about money". She also said he lived in a "hovel" in the forest.

That conversation was a good indication of their true characters. They were mean, rasict and very bullying. The whole lane breathed a sigh of relief when they finally moved.

Missguided for what it's worth I think you were off with the posh woman's comments too. All she wanted was the bargain and a recommendation for the extra book? Or aren't posh monied people allowed to have bargains and ask for advice on them?

Yup - once out for dinner with friends and a bloke who I see now and then (friend of friend) and generally thought was nice was talking about his new house. In a totally matter of fact way, he said something about the houses nearby and how they were all privately owned so there were no 'council house scum', then blithely went on talking normally again.

I was stunned. Never sat down at a table with him since.

Ah yes that'd be my bat shit crazy ex colleague. I thought she was ok at first then she made quite a few comments about gay people and about "I've a nephew (through marriage) who's gay but it's nice to have a gay best friend isn't it?"

The second comments were about my boss (who's either gay or bisexual) stuff you really wouldn't want to hear or know about your boss. Then it was sly on the side after the pub lunchtime sessions with her being drunk about my boss and the fact he was gay, that her husband and 4 sons steered clear of him partly because he was gay but partly because they didn't like it, but woe betide him (my boss) if he ever came on or was dodgy with the sons.

All this was semi ok and we rubbed along together until her 10 year old son (who would sometimes come in for the day and skive off school) sometimes made comments about her boss being "gay" things like "Xxxx (boss name) would like this toy it's so pink and girly isn't it?!" And a "gay lord" comment. And other snide comments things a child certainly shouldn't be saying but they knew enough that it was wrong and also her boss may come downstairs at any moment. Stuff his parents had said at home to him. She went down in my estimation after that. What was even funnier was about 2 years later her elder son came in the office, there had been an atmosphere as I'd been bullied by her and another colleague (temp but close friend of boss and colleague), elder son was doing business with us but felt the need to say to me "xxxx (boss name) is a well liked and trusted family friend you know" in quite a pointed way, I had to bite my tongue to stop myself saying "yeah he's such a well liked and trusted family friend that your mum slags him off for being gay and from what she's told me her whole family including you make offensive comments at home about him, playing on partly his being gay".

A woman asked me if it was something I did when I was pregnant that caused my son to be autistic.

I know it's only ignorance and I can't work out why it disturbed me so much, but I moved her straight out of the "pleasant acquaintance" box into the "person I will never connect with" box.

As I get older I tend to take a lot less sh*t and write people off quite quickly ( yup, I'm a proper judgey pants most of the time )

Usual triggers are casual racism, homophobia, and unchecked privilege. Sometimes if it comes from a family member or friend that I've known a while and care about I'll call them on it. Frustratingly it's often from people who would class themselves as being really PC but don't actually have the language or emotional/social literacy to even think it through or debate the meaning of what they have said and they can just get really defensive and upset instead. I find it really tiring and sometimes just can't be bothered tbh. Plus I'm not quite tough enough to draw a boundary from the low level guilt of making someone else feel uncomfortable when you challenge them and their assumptions.

I refer to my previous comment. Key word is "charity"

Misguided even if she is in a charity shop she's still looking for a bargain as well as buying from a charity shop... Of course she wanted to pay 1€ for four books she just wanted advice on another to choose...

She didn't have to buy the books from a charity shop, she just decided to do that for whatever reason.

you are misguided some posh yachties have no money because they spend it all on their yachtie!

Yes. A longtime friend who was a debt adviser. She told me she'd advised a woman who was drowning in debt and panicking, and she'd said to the woman "why didn't you use your Tax Credits to pay off so n so?" The woman burst into floods of tears and wouldn't stop for ages. I tried to explain to my friend that she was too judgmental to be a Debt Adviser, and a woman crying like that = she was really worried and it had likely taken a lot for her even to approach a welfare organisation for help. Anyway..friend wouldn't have it & it just put me off her. The question she asked the woman maybe doesnt sound like an issue, but its the way she related it to me - acting it out as it were, and she'd spoken to the woman really sharply. Also when relating story to me she was really disapproving. Smug cow.

Yes plenty of racist and homophobic language said in my direction, mysoginy too. Ex fil was a real prize

Women that get raped are asking for it especially if drunk/out at night without males/dressed remotely provocatively. Any cases in the news of date/ex's raping she probably consented then lied about the rape so as to not look like a slut/not to enrage current partner!

Corner shop a p* shop, 'coloured' neighbours spoken of in hushed tones as if aliens from another planet (they were from Leeds!) Dread to think what he says about the migrant crisis!

Being gay is 'unnatural' and a choice apparently!

The migrants crisis has led to me being disappointed in some people I've known for decades!

But as a separate thing, I'm interested in complementary medicine and horoscopes and other areas relating to my pagan beliefs, I don't enforce them on others or the discussion of them usually but why is this so off putting? More so than other beliefs? If I were Christian or Muslim or Jewish or Hindu etc it wouldn't be Considered ok to disparage my beliefs would it?

I grew up in a very white town with two mixed race pupils in a massive school. They referred to themselves as "half caste", "darkie" and "coloured" so I genuinely thought these were all fine (I thought coloured was the most PC ) There are lots of people that use them out of complete ignorance, it was actually MN that told me otherwise!

Anyway, I once knew a very nice woman in an antenatal group, we became friends but then I moved away when the babies were a year and I bumped into her when they were five and had started school. She was telling me her son had a friend with Down's syndrome in the class, and then in the next breath said "I don't mind him running around with people like that". I was completely aghast.

moggie DD2 was born with a heart defect and I've lost count of the amount of people who asked me what I did during pregnancy to cause it.
One of those people is my MIL and that is one of many reasons why I give her a wide berth.

I was visiting a potential childminder for my son. She seemed very lovely, nice house, good references, etc. But then I made a comment about the striking blonde curly hair of one of her mindees. She leaned forward conspiratorially and said in a gossipy voice: "He's got TWO DADS! They're... You know... GAY!".

I suddenly remembered that I had to be somewhere and we left.

Years ago, my husband worked in a lowly capacity, at the local college. We got invited to this fancy meal, which was a kind of 'high table' affair with some college bigwigs. I was thinking of applying to do a PGCE at this college as it was very close to our house. So I went along with him to this meal.

This man started talking - a bit eccentric but quite entertaining... The kind who likes the sound of his voice, and looked to be what he was - ex-military and an ex officer. He now worked as the Bursar of the college, but, started telling us, his home was 150 miles away in X village in Yorkshire and he only got there at the weekends. Then he started regaling us with tales of the rough n ready yokels in Village X. Thing was - Village X was where my family had lived for generations. And I grew up in, and was very fond of, the next village along, Village Y. The Bursar started regaling the entire table with hilarious tales of the rivalry between the plebs of Village X and the yobs of Village Y and what idiots the Yorkshire yokels were. Especially those of Village Y who were particularly common plebs, and thick too just like James Herriot always said the Yorkshire yokels were.

I waited til there was a silence then piped up "I come from Y."

He looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him.

On the plus side, also present was the PGCE course leader and when I applied for a place, later in the year - I got a very coveted and hard-won place. The course leader was from Yorkshire.

Many moons ago I used to fancy this ripped Adonis who had the undoubted hots for me until he told me he hated black people - pretty unusual living where we both did too. I couldn't believe such ugliness came from his mouth although I knew his mother had some 'unPC views' & it put the brakes on where our relationship was headed. I subsequently discovered his elderly grandparent had been murdered by someone of that ethnicity & he had recently been at the trial. I looked him up recently on FB and he's married to a lady of colour (I don't know where from) and living abroad. His mother, if still alive, must have had a conniption fit!