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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever been put off someone by something they've said?

120 replies

MysteryHopper · 16/03/2016 12:32

As in the title really - have you ever really liked, respected and admired someone until they said one thing that totally put you off them and made you see them in a different light?

OP posts:
ConferencePear · 18/03/2016 15:28

Another colleague one. At coffee break discussing a rape which had happened nearby he said, "Imagine having to make love to your wife after she'd been raped."
e worked together for several years after that, but I avoided him as much as I could.

ConferencePear · 18/03/2016 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3catsandcounting · 18/03/2016 15:43

A colleague once described someone they knew as "quite fat, but very nice."
I was a bit Hmm, and when they questioned my reaction, I said I was just working out the connection between the two.
They didn't get it.

nanetterose · 18/03/2016 15:57

misguided l think l'd be put off you! if you gave me reason to think you'd judge a person on... clothes and an accent - and looking for a bargain (of all silly things) Confused

Harveypuss · 18/03/2016 15:59

"Imagine having to make love to your wife after she'd been raped."

WTAF?!! Seriously?!! I couldn't have let this go - I would've totally lost it with him. What a total arse! Angry

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 18/03/2016 16:10

Conference ShockSad

FellOutOfBedTwice · 18/03/2016 17:05

My husbands sisters husbands mum (so BIL by marriages mother) is disgusting racist. First time I met her she asked where I worked (am a teacher) and when I told her the area (Asian area of east London) she said "it can't be much fun not teaching any of your own kind" and then went off on a massive racist rant. Was incredible. Couldn't believe anyone thinks like that in (what was) 2011.

I avoid her like the plague.

oliviaclottedcream · 18/03/2016 17:07

I've been messaging an ex I haven't seen for about 10 years recently on FB. It was going well, and I must confess I'd started to feel a little attracted to him again... But then he replied to some comment I made yesterday, saying - ' I've really missed your shit'. I haven't replied.

carelesswhisper27 · 18/03/2016 17:25

A guy I was seeing a few years ago, worked as a teaching assistant in quite a deprived school. He was really passionate about his job and about being a role model for male students - a lot of whom had no male figure in their lives.

Halfway through a term he got a place on a PGCE course for the following September, he asked my opinion - should he hand his notice in immediately or wait until July and the end of term? When I said I thought he should wait until July he said 'yeah but I want a long summer'.Confused

So much for wanting the best for the kids! I couldn't look at him the same way again, felt like he had fed me a load of rubbish he thought I wanted to hear and we broke up. Confused

Comingfoccacia · 18/03/2016 17:26

My wankfest of a cousin in the US. It's a unbridled stream of obnoxious hatred on his FB. I only keep him on to remind me that the world has some dangerous fuckwits in it.
And a colleague who admitted voting BNP!

SnobblyBobbly · 18/03/2016 17:30

Yep. Or rather what they don't say.

A friend's teenage DS recently shut my 5yo's head in the door leaving him crying with a big lump on his head. She didn't even go and talk to her son, let alone make him apologise. Just a feeble 'perhaps he didn't see you there' Hmm

I've totally gone off her since then and my son doesn't want to go to their house anymore.

oliviaclottedcream · 18/03/2016 17:55

That's terrible r Snobbly What an insensitive cow, and what a horrid teenager!

SilverMachine · 18/03/2016 18:15

I can't quite remember how we got on to the topic but myself and a friend were discussing domestic abuse. She commented "Oh but some women deserve to be beaten up". I was ShockShockShock and pulled her up on it, she replied "I don't mean GBH or anything serious but some women could do with a slap every now and again" I was seriously shocked and told her so in no uncertain terms. I know we can all put our foot in our mouths sometimes but that has definitely affected my opinion of her!

SnobblyBobbly · 18/03/2016 18:18

I know. I kept thinking, she'll go and speak to him now, but nope. I can't quite understand how she didn't react to it at all.

She was sympathetic towards DS, but didn't say even one word to her son - not even 'what happened?'

But if those are the seeds she wants to sow....

MsMermaid · 18/03/2016 18:48

I dropped a friend after she posted an article about a camp where they "cure" homosexuality through prayer.

I had a colleague I really admired til she started talking about the Bible being entirely true in every detail, including God creating the world in 7days. She's still lovely but she's filed under "religious extreme" in my head

Dollymixtureyumyum · 18/03/2016 20:16

My SIL speaks to waiting staff like shit. One of the many reasons I hate her guts

MisguidedAngel · 19/03/2016 14:25

nanette For goodness sake. Firstly, she wasn't "looking for a bargain". She was in a CHARITY shop and didn't want to pay 1€ for four books. Sounds like a bargain to me and if you pay 1€ for four instead of five you are donating 20 cents to charity. Secondly, I owned up to an unreasonable prejudice, surely there aren't many people who have absolutely none. Thirdly, the thread started off light-hearted, although there have been some serious issues raised.

Anyway, after 2 years of lurking and very occasional posts I now feel I truly belong, having been criticised twice in one thread. Maybe it will be a full-blown flaming next time. Sorry for the bickering on the side, OP.

ginplease83 · 19/03/2016 17:15

Yes. Normally racism or UKIP supporters!

nanetterose · 19/03/2016 17:38

MisguidedAngelGrin no idea why, but your response made me laugh!
Hope to see you around. Minus a flaming l hope. Wink

EmmaWoodlouse · 19/03/2016 18:23

Yes, I have. I met a seemingly nice woman in her 60s at an evening class. We met up for coffee sometimes and she seemed kind and gentle, and had lots of interests in common with another friend of mine who's about the same age. I was thinking of introducing them to each other and I thought they'd get on like a house on fire. Then one might I was in the pub with the evening class woman and a few other people, and she suddenly came out with something shockingly racist - I can't remember the exact words, but basically she was saying she moved away from her old area because there were too many (and these are her own words) "coloured people" there. WTF?! My other friend is so far from endorsing that sort of opinion that I never did introduce them, and in fact I haven't seen anything of the racist one since our class finished.

DifficultLemonDifficult · 19/03/2016 18:39

Yes. My FIL, when he proudly announced he'd voted UKIP.

MissusWrex · 19/03/2016 18:41

An ex.

When he farted, grabbed his bottom coquettishly and said in a sing song voice...

'Oops, I did a pumpie!'

I did NOT sleep with him again.

GabiSolis · 19/03/2016 18:51

Yes. I have a colleague who is a bit of a 'nice but dim' type. I just thought she was a little bit scatty and generally quite likeable until the day she came out with some quite offensive political shit. She went on to explain how she votes and why (actually quite wildly against her own self interests). I have never felt the same about her since. In my mind, she went from being a bit silly and lacking in common sense to being dangerously stupid.

Still have to work with her a bit so never mention politics.

Trills · 19/03/2016 19:04

If I had a bargain where I could get 5 books and there were only 4 I knew I wanted, I'd ask for a recommendation too.

Sometimes the bets books are those that you wouldn't have chosen for yourself.

JessTitchener · 19/03/2016 22:18

I once ran out on a first date after he told me that "I'm not racist but I hate Chinese and Indian people"
He used different words though.