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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever been put off someone by something they've said?

120 replies

MysteryHopper · 16/03/2016 12:32

As in the title really - have you ever really liked, respected and admired someone until they said one thing that totally put you off them and made you see them in a different light?

OP posts:
SantanaBinLorry · 16/03/2016 14:19

Self proclaimed 'Healers' can bugger off with the Birth Signers and Homeopaths as well Grin

RuggerHug · 16/03/2016 14:24

She suggested it was more than likely that he was being visited by ghosts as five is the perfect age for connecting to other relms.

I'm so sorry but I am HOWLING laughing at that! Well, howling / hacking a lung up since I'm off sick but thanks for the giggleGrin

Lalathelastdinosaur · 16/03/2016 14:30

When I had a mc someone I really liked said 'it wasn't meant to be, it was nature's way', quite matter of fact, rather than anything sympathetic. I've never really trusted her since as I thought it was so hurtful.

Similarly someone else said 'well at least you know you can get pregnant'.

:(

TinklyLittleLaugh · 16/03/2016 14:35

We had a visiting preacher who talked at length about faith healing. Basically believe enough and you will be healed. I am disabled and he was a twat so I basically contented myself with rolling my eyes at DP throughout. Hmm

But at the end, our lovely minister, who I adored, came rushing over gushing "Oh Tink, wasn't that inspirational?"

Sadly lovely minister now has a serious health condition. If I reminded her of how she would be healed if her faith was strong enough, would that make me a good Christian or a really crap one?

Original poster
MysteryHopper · 16/03/2016 15:55

Thanks for the replies. This is about my BF who until now has been completely wonderful in every way. He's intelligent, both emotionally and intellectually, cares a great deal about me, is domesticated, would do anything for me. We've both been completely besotted I suppose. That was until he described his young DS as being a 'pussy magnet' because he gets on well with girls Hmm. He immediately said it came out wrong and apologised etc. but I feel weird about him now. I'm not very well at the moment so not sure if it's that. I don't want a stupid throwaway comment to ruin what was otherwise great, but still...yuk.

OP posts:
LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 16/03/2016 15:57

How long have you been together?

Original poster
MysteryHopper · 16/03/2016 16:00

A year Lois.

OP posts:
LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 16/03/2016 16:00

Its been a long time since I was single but I had a three strikes policy. I hate the p word to describe women but it might be a genuine mistake or it could be a case of his mad slipping iyswim

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 16/03/2016 16:02

His mask slipping I mean. A year is a while. Is this the only thing? I'd maybe let it go if its going well.

Thurlow · 16/03/2016 16:06

Not often. But recently a very close friend of mine has had some bad news regarding her fertility and, when we were talking about everything, described adopted children as "like buying a secondhand car with dents in it" and said that donor-conceived children were always "ungrateful and unfulfilled" Shock

I've been trying to give her some leeway because she is in a very difficult position at the moment, but I'm struggling as those are genuinely some of the worst things I have ever heard anyone day.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 16/03/2016 16:14

A while ago, my ds decided that he would go home from our church with my Mum. Fine, except that he didn't tell me or anyone else and lied to my Mum that he'd told me and that I'd said ok. My Mum decided to believe him Angry and took him back to her house where we were going to have lunch.
I spent the next half an hour with my Dh searching the church buildings and grounds for him, getting more and more worried.
A couple that I had considered to be friends had half heartedly joined in the search for him. The dh confused everyone by saying that he'd found him - so I went off to where he said my son was. My son, of course, was not there.
My son wasn't there, and not only that the wife turned up and said something that has stuck with me ever since.
Someone else asked me if I had found my son. I replied that I hadn't.
"Oh never mind that." the wife says "When did this room get such a nice new carpet?"
I was so shocked I could not say anything and it was probably a good job or I'd have totally snapped. Yes never mind that a 4 year old is missing it's clearly not as important as a bloody carpet. Angry Angry
I ripped several strips of my Mum btw.

abbsismyhero · 16/03/2016 16:49

so there was this guy apparently he is a really nice guy quite sweet and he loved the look of me on my facebook he was a friend of a friend and asked my friend to set him up with me i said okay Hmm began speaking to him he asked me what i was doing that day i said work experience (huge backstory ive spit from my ex and struggle with anxiety so this is a big deal for me) where at? the jobcentre i reply OMG you won't catch me there i WORK ive always WORKED cant stand dole dossers i bet you see some scum in there eh? I DON'T HAVE A JOB so basically he called me scum and a dole dosser and i stopped talking to him because ive actually met some nice people there staff and members of the public and its helped me and i felt more confident and useful and he basically ripped me to shreds with one unthinking sentence

ive not spoken to him since

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 16/03/2016 16:54

How old is his son?

JessTitchener · 16/03/2016 17:04

Chair of the PTA who I've always found pleasant if not slightly overbearing once came out with something outrageously racist in the playground.

I steer very clear now.

Original poster
MysteryHopper · 16/03/2016 17:19

Wow, some of these are truly awful.

His DS is 6. I've been trying to work out why it's bothered me because the phrase he used was out of character. I think aside from the crass turn of phrase, it is the underlying belief that his DS is somehow 'special' or unique for getting along with DC of the opposite sex. Whilst he hasn't ever spoken out of turn like this before, he is strangely proud of his DS for rather mundane things and its wearing a bit thin.

OP posts:
Landoni112 · 16/03/2016 17:31

When my dh said that James Bond couldn't/shouldn't be black. I am mixed race. My dh is always disgusted with racism, but somehow doesn't believe he was being racist with this view.

CalicoBlue · 16/03/2016 17:48

A very good friend of mine, said one night after a lot of wine, that the McCanns deserved what they got. She has no sympathy for them and thinks they killed their daughter. I was [shocked], I had never met anyone who thought that.

ChicChantal · 16/03/2016 17:50

Yep. Friend at university, good mates for a whole year, we had a right laugh together. Two weeks before the end of the year, I discovered she was rabidly racist. The issue had simply never come up before. So that was that. Bye bye one friendship.

missbishi · 16/03/2016 17:58

I've been put off quite a few neighbours after they described the corner shop as the "p* shop".

cornishglos · 16/03/2016 17:58

A former friend. I was pregnant with my second. She had a daughter, I had a son. She said 'I don't think I would want 2 kids, it's not fair on the first, and I would worry in case I got a boy who would come between me and my girl'.

JolseBaby · 16/03/2016 17:59

BIL. Not that I particularly raved about him, but when he was introduced to the family for the first time, sat and talked about p**i shops. DH and I were open-mouthed. Have avoided him like the plague ever since, the racist twat.

Other BIL, who said that he'd only married my sister because he wanted children. I've never told her that because it would hurt her so badly (massive backstory and he's an arse, which she now realises). I was much younger so didn't dare challenge him - we don't see much of each other now, which is a good thing because I am older and much more confident and would wipe the floor with him.

Foslady · 16/03/2016 17:59

Yes - thank you Jezza Clarkspn if all people! Got talking on line to a bloke who lived a couple of hours away. Got confident enough to look to arrange a meet up. Before we met though we got talking about the Clarkson event and he came out with both a racist and misogenistic comment - just what every woman looks for in a man.......Hmm

BarkGruffalo · 16/03/2016 18:06

Yep. Chatting away to a lovely guy, lots in common, generally thinking we could be good friends. Then experienced him talking to his friends and spouting such misogynistic, racist claptrap I couldn't believe.

NickyEds · 16/03/2016 18:10

We have a family friend who was describing a very generous gesture from their new neighbour, she said what he'd done and then said "I was surprised because he's one of our coloured friends". My jaw dropped.

MagicalHamSandwich · 16/03/2016 18:13

Just this week, actually: male co-worker (not the same firm as mine, we're both consultants assigned to the same project, though). I didn't exactly 'respect and admire' him but I liked him well enough on a coffee break buddy sort of level.

I was having a bit of a moan about one of my software developers (which I shouldn't, really, but she pissed me the fuck off) and he took this as an opportunity to join in and moan about ... her looks!

You've never seen me go from angry at someone to protective about them so fast. Yes, she drives me nuts, but that's because she's a moron, not because she's not pretty enough or not sufficiently fuckable! She actually looks decidedly average to me but I still wouldn't care if she looked like the love child of a stranded whale and Yoda. She's not there to entice the men but to write software for me. Unfortunately, she kind of sucks at this, but that's about the only problem there actually is!

When I challenged him he didn't see why I was pissed off about it because according to him I'm gorgeous. I reckon this means I should hence be fine with women being put down for supposedly being ugly. Well, I'm not! Angry

I've now had to move co-worker as 'chauvinist arse I'm trying to avoid' category.