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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever been put off someone by something they've said?

120 replies

MysteryHopper · 16/03/2016 12:32

As in the title really - have you ever really liked, respected and admired someone until they said one thing that totally put you off them and made you see them in a different light?

OP posts:
DiseasesOfTheSheep · 16/03/2016 18:15

I'm judging the person who just used the word "hoofwanking"...

In an entirely positive way Grin

Cutecat78 · 16/03/2016 18:23

Yes - a lot of the people who post in AIBU Smile

Kbear · 16/03/2016 18:31

Someone I once really liked said that she was glad her kids were going to the grammar school so they didn't have to mix with the scum........

that was the quickest I ever broke off a friendship and our girls were friends but it was no more contact from that day.... lucky really cos it turned out my DD was one of the scum that went to the comp.....

marshmallowpies · 16/03/2016 18:34

NickyEds yes I had that from FIL: 'I didn't know your neighbours were coloured' - said in the garden, what he thought was a whisper but in full hearing of said neighbours Sad

For me: finding out that any celebrity I previous admired is pro-hunting or pro-Countryside Alliance. Eg, Jeremy Irons, Jennifer Saunders.

marshmallowpies · 16/03/2016 18:39

CalicoBlue I have a friend who thinks that too about the McCanns, she is a fully paid up conspiracy theorist about it and it's all very Hmm.

However she's an ex colleague so we are only FB friends, I'm unlikely to see her IRL any time soon, so I just hide her posts about the McCanns whenever it comes up.

KurriKurri · 16/03/2016 18:41

OP- I think what your BF said is really unpleasant- and would frankly put me right off. When you said he used the term 'pussy magnet' I assumed his son was late teens early twenties age - doesn't make the phrase any less crass, revolting or misogynistic.

But his son is 6yrs old ??? I can't imagine describing a small child like that- it is a totally sexual phrase, he's calling his small child a 'pussy magnet' by inference he is calling the little girls his son plays with 'pussy'.

Only you can know if it was just a totally awful thing that he said and immediately realised was dreadful, or whether he has a very skewed view of women. It would seriously creep me out. Sorry Sad

MagicalHamSandwich · 16/03/2016 18:42

I'm honestly just Shock at the amount of blatant racists seemingly out there! WTF?!

heron98 · 16/03/2016 18:48

Re "coloured ". When I first met my DP he used this word. I asked him if he knew it was considered offensive. He genuinely had no idea. He doesn't use it any more.

MisguidedAngel · 16/03/2016 18:56

I recently met someone for the first time in a charity shop in a marina. She was definitely a posh yachtie - clothes, accent etc. I am at the other end of the scale. I was inclined to dislike her on these grounds alone but then she asked me if I could recommend a book as she could only find four, and the price was five for a euro. WTAF. In my defence, a few of my friends are posh so I can overcome my prejudices, but not in this case.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 16/03/2016 18:59

I couldn't be ok with that comment OP
It would be gross if he was a teenager but possibly representative if the lad had a lot of girlfriends. For a 6 year old? He's sexualising his child, sexualising the little girls he plays with and betraying a revoltingly gendered view of the world which says that males and females can't be friends without the males wanting to fuck the females, even if they are little children

ephemeralfairy · 16/03/2016 19:01

I used to reply like Joanna Lumley til she started on about how the best way for women not to be raped was to not get drunk and dress like a slut... Hmm

Same with Helen Mirren. Saying date rape was 'a grey area' and Tyson couldn't be classed as a rapist.

YakTriangle · 16/03/2016 19:15

Yes, I stopped contact with someone, partly because they said something incredibly bigoted and racist. I had already started to dislike them for another reason but the revolting thing they said cemented the decision.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 16/03/2016 19:53

His son is 6!Shock I don't like the sound of that op. I assumed late teens. I see why you're uneasy.

LadyOrangutan · 16/03/2016 19:59

MisguidedAngel,
I don't understand why you didn't like that person? Because she wanted a bargain for her books? Because she asked you to recommend a book? Because you judged her entirely on her accent and clothes?

littlefrenchonion · 16/03/2016 21:24

Yep - MIL. I was starting to notice that there were some little things I didn't like about her and then one day she came out with a corker of a racist comment and I've viewed her as thick and ignorant ever since.

carabos · 16/03/2016 21:24

My opinion of my SiL and her DH totally changed when I saw them properly go off the deep end, real shouty crackers at a boy of about 10 or 11, with obvious learning disability / autism who had inadvertently pushed one of their DS out of the way in a playground. Yes, the big boy was too big for this particular apparatus, and yes he was a bit (but only a bit) rough but come on - he was obviously not doing it out of malice and he was clearly not as socially aware as other kids his age through no fault of his own, or his parents. SiL and her DH went postal at both him and his parents, completely over-reacted to a very minor incident. DH and I were Shock. SiL is a primary school teacher and I've struggled to get past it tbh.

littlefrenchonion · 16/03/2016 21:29

Oh and I've got a friend who is wholeheartedly against medicine/doctors/healthcare/vaccinations and is of the opinion that none of it is necessary if one lives a 'clean' life. I previously thought she was intelligent but I'm starting to reconsider...

MisguidedAngel · 18/03/2016 13:31

LadyO - initially on accent and clothes, which I admit is v.v. shallow and prejudiced. I am aware of this tendency, so I don't rush to judgement. I certainly don't mind recommending books, in fact it's one of my favourite things. BUT ... when I buy books from this charity shop (nb - it's a charity) I pay a euro for one if I that's all I want, and so do most other people. How mean can you get?

And the OP did ask "have you ever been put off somebody by something they said?".

NeedsAsockamnesty · 18/03/2016 13:58

I have been butt then ive done it myself.

Meeting a friends sort of boyfriend and his mother who were on holiday an hour away from where we met

What I meant to say was "where do you live"

What I actually said was

"Where have you traveled from originally"

I just forgot the word for where one keeps there house.

TooMuchRain · 18/03/2016 14:01

Yup, this morning I was at the market and one of the stall-holders who is very chatty was mouthing off made-up anti-EU crap and I decided I could get my food somewhere else.

MrsJayy · 18/03/2016 14:05

Lovely woman at work said well we are not like them are we meaning the parents we worked with put me right off her

Crabbitface · 18/03/2016 14:17

A guy once told me his sister was a lesbian..."but it's ok, i still talk to her". It was a first and last date!

Penguinepenguins · 18/03/2016 14:39

My DP has constant cases of "putting his foot in his mouth" syndrome ;)

He is simply put the most wonderful kindest man I've ever met, who wouldn't harm a fly but oh my goodness the way he says stuff sometimes

WeAllHaveWings · 18/03/2016 14:40

When young and as our careers progressed and we started earning a little bit more, our team we went out for a lunch at the pub we'd never been to before. The prices were amazingly cheap (£2.95 for 2 courses, it was the 1980s!), but when the food came it was awful, almost inedible. Trying to make the best of a bad lot she said, "I know its really bad, but don't you think its a really good deal for poor people?" I'm not one to mince my words and my reply of "so, basically you are saying its ok for poor people to eat shit?" didn't go down well.

Don't see her much now, but she's continued this theme as a favourite topic, last time we met up with the old team she spent the entire meal telling us over and over again about a couple they had recently befriended who were "really rich, almost millionaires" but still "really down to earth, just like normal people, even though they are really successful and rich". Hmm

MartinaJ · 18/03/2016 15:15

I had a colleague I was really friendly with. Genuinely nice person, kind. She moved away but we staid friends on FB, she is a very talented gardener and I loved photos of her garden, flowers and herbs. In summer she started posting really hateful racists posts about refugees and sharing posts of nazi organizations. She was off my friend list and blocked before you could say dill.