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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about dummies?

30 replies

Tameonefirst · 16/03/2016 00:15

I am currently pregnant with dc2. After having dc1 I was given a talk by a trainee midwife on the beneficial use of dummies, and I understand they can be helpful but I decided that I believe that some babies do need them to settle which is why I have never said I wouldn't ever not use one, but I won't force it on my kids. I did try my dc1 at one point when u thought it might help ear popping.

Since then, I have noticed some mums and dads putting dummies in their babies/child's mouth at the first wimper, even keeping it there when the child tries to spit it out.

Then these parents decide that their child must give up their dummy when they think it's no longer appropriate, not when the child does.

But, my AIBU us is it unreasonable to force a child to use something as a soother which you then stop before they're ready?

OP posts:

sandylion · 16/03/2016 00:29

YABU to even give a shit about what people do with their own kids. You can't possibly know the individual circumstances of the families that use dummies. Baffling post.

sandylion · 16/03/2016 00:29

YABU to even give a shit about what people do with their own kids. You can't possibly know the individual circumstances of the families that use dummies. Baffling post.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 16/03/2016 01:49

All five of mine had dummies available - pfb had it until he was about 10 months, no 2 son had his until he was 3 and dropped it down the toilet one morning. We heard the most pitiful little wail "oh no! dodie all gonnnneeeeeee" and I took the chance to hide all the other identical ones and said that yes, it was gone out to sea but the baby fishies would look after it and that was that.
DD wouldn't have one at all, then no 3 son, I can't actually remember - I think he was more "take it or leave it" and never particularly bothered with it, but no 4 son was really in love with his - when he started nursery at 3, I used to have to have it in my pocket so he could hold it and know it was there - it was a sort of security thing I think. He didn't actually suck it, but he needed to know it was there. I think he was about 4 and a half when we finally got rid of the very last one...
I never forced any of them to have one, and I never took them away before they were ready once they did have one. Just do your own thing and let your baby decide.
It's not like they'll be trotting off to junior school with a dummy in their mouth...

chumbler · 16/03/2016 06:05

Yanbu. Easiest to keep away from dummies altogether if it worries you

JuxtapositionRecords · 16/03/2016 07:12

Mine had dummies. They would 'whimper' because they were tired, so I would give them the dummy which they would then keep spitting out until they accepted they needed to sleep and kept it in. Because you know, they are babies and don't really know what they want?

Maybe keep an eye on what you are doing with your own kids instead of nosing at everyone else?

Original poster

Tameonefirst · 20/03/2016 00:26

Thank you for your input. Unfortunately having never used them I am, admittedly, nosing at others to try and get some perspective and work out the logistics if I ever need one.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 20/03/2016 00:36

YANBU to ask about dummies (as per title)
YABVU to then be so judgemental in your opening post

waitingforsomething · 20/03/2016 00:39

Quite a judgmental post. Their parents are probably better placed than you to decide if their baby's whimper requires a dummy.

Ive used dummies up to 6 months for day time soothing with both mine They then stopped being interested. My business really and it worked for us.

candykane25 · 20/03/2016 00:55

Those parents will know their children better than you do.
My DD stopped using a dummy at 11 months. She wasn't that bothered by it anyway. We lost all the dummies so no more dummies and she was fine. Her friend who is nearly 3 still uses a dummy because she likes it. I know my daughter and my friend knows her daughter. Not much more to it is there.

marsbarmarsbar · 20/03/2016 01:01

I give my DS (18months) one at bed time, he goes to sleep fine at daycare and home during the day without it though so in some ways I think it's a vice he could do without. I'm really strict about him not using it during the day because I think having a plug in their mouth stops them chatting and making sounds etc.

Birdsgottafly · 20/03/2016 01:40

My DD used a dummy to help prevent SIDS, she then removed it at just before twelve months.

It also stopped my GD using her as a comfort aid, rather than needing a feed (BF), the research shows that some babies need to suckle more than others, it's upto the parent how they respond to that.

You wouldn't wait until a baby was distressed before you offered a dummy, if your using one, then you'd offer it immediately.

As for taking them off when the Parents decide, well the same could be said for them being strapped in a pram, weaned, put to bed etc.

TrulyTrulyTrulyOutrageous · 20/03/2016 02:15

Some parents pick up their babies at first whimper, or feed them/pat them/rock them etc at first whimper.

As a parent you could choose not to use the dummy at first whimper if you'd prefer them to cry or whatever first. You can also let them use it for as long as you would like-just as the other parents you judge do so I can't see what the problem is.

Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 20/03/2016 02:44

........ Are you ready.......

My DS is 7 in August and still has a dummy or an Obbie as we call it!
He has learning difficulties, severe autism and cerebral palsy.

I honestly don't give a shit! He has very few pleasures in life ( he's fed through a tube in his tummy ) but he loves his Obbie. He has suckers for 'nigh nigh' and others just to chew for sensory feedback!

He was first given a dummy by a nurse when he was in hospital to help his suck reflex.
Other 2 DC did not have dummies.

Runningupthathill82 · 20/03/2016 03:29

You've posted because you want to "work out the logistics", OP? Right.
If you can't "work out the logistics" of a small piece of plastic then a dummy will be the least of your problems.

ABitSensible · 20/03/2016 03:32

Both DC were breast fed and had dummies. They got rid of them when they were ready, by their own choice, and both stopped using them by age 2.
DC1 very confidently pulled his out of his mouth, announced, 'dont need that no more' and dropped it in the bin! I had some in the cupboard as back ups but he never asked for one after that, even when he was poorly.
They didnt have security blankets and werent bothered about teddies, although DC1 would get very attached to random toys like a handbag, tape player, and Action Man. They had to go to bed with him.

Lovemylittlebears · 20/03/2016 03:49

Dd1 had a dummy as it soothed her off to sleep. We then faded it out around two because it can somethings have an impact on speech development and for personal reasons felt that it had done a good job and worked on using something else to soothe her instead (a preferred cuddly). My baby boy doesn't want any sort of dummy. Depending on context other things soothe him. All children and family situations are different and I just wouldn't judge anyone else for their use or non use of dummies .

PansOnFire · 20/03/2016 03:49

You are being so judgmental, I often have to keep the dummy in DS's mouth because he spits it out to fight sleep! I also give him it at the first tired whimper because otherwise he'll get over tired and will have massive difficulties in getting off to sleep. By the way, he has different cries for different needs so I know exactly when he's tired and exactly when it's something else.

Stop being so superior, a dummy is not the work of the devil and you are not a super parent for not definitely ruling them out. You're massively overthinking it, if your baby settles with one then use one, if not then don't. It's not complicated, your post seems to be a judgment on other parent's choices rather than your own.

nanetterose · 20/03/2016 06:23

Well. Our eldest had one till he was five absolutely loved it!. No problems with his teeth or speech. Second son had one till he spat it out at nine months. Third child didn't have one at all.

Roonerspism · 20/03/2016 06:27

All I'm saying is that you are this interested in other's use of dummies, then you will have a field day when it comes to feeding...,

Stop giving a shit about anyone's parenting except your own.

Itsmine · 20/03/2016 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShouldHaveListenedInBiology · 20/03/2016 07:38

Judgemental much, OP? I trained my (at the time) non-sleeping DS to accept a dummy by holding it in his mouth. For ages. He's gone on to be the best sleeper of his little peer group and still has a dummy at age 3 for bed time and naps. And yes, I will decide when he no longer needs it, just like I decided when he needed to start potty training and eating solid food. Because I am the parent and he is the child. And if anyone cares to pass judgement on any of that, they can jog on.

Mousefinkle · 20/03/2016 07:50

None of mine would really take a dummy. DC2 did for a little while but probably only until she was two months old and that was mainly for DH to keep her settled between breastfeeds if I was in the bath or something. I had a dummy until I was five! In fact I used to have one in my gob and one in each hand and I'd stroke my face with them . Mum tried to take them away a few times but my dad would secretly give me some.

I can't really get het up about dummies. It's not an important matter in the world really is it.

ScoutsMam · 20/03/2016 08:17

We chose to introduce one due to research which suggests it may reduce the risk of SIDS.

these parents decide that their child must give up their dummy when they think it's no longer appropriate, not when the child does

You decide loads of stuff for your kids, this is a drop in the ocean,

eurochick · 20/03/2016 08:38

I don't like the way they look and so never offered one. If you are not keen you don't have to use one. If you do, I'm sure you will figure out the "logistics".

ImNotAFlower · 20/03/2016 08:51

Both of mine used dummies. Neither got overly attached but we removed them at around 10-12 months when they had a cold and couldn't suck them and breathe. They didn't use them for a few days and we never gave them back . It worked for my two but like I said they were never overly bothered. My 18 month old found one the other day and didn't know what to do with it

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