Need reasonable expressions of surprise and curse words

[FinallyFreeFromItAll]

I keep finding myself saying "oh my god" as an expression of surprise. I know IABU with this as it even irritates me! I blame too much Americanised TV. However the more I try to change it the dafter all the other options seem to sound.

So AIBU to ask you all to please help me by sharing what word you most commonly use as an expression of surprise?

I'd also be very interested in your "child friendly" curse words. At the moment I'm saying "oh fiddlesticks" but feel slightly daft.

A pox on it does the trick for me, slightly Shakespearean sounding too.

hazey for the love of Melanie Chisholm may be one of the best things I have ever read on mumsnet!

I say oopsy daisy quite a bit, gosh darn it, and bizarrely 'sugar me timbers' (started out as just sugar, then got weirdly amalgamated with shiver me timbers)

When I was in labour with DD I didn't want the midwife to think badly of me for swearing so was shouting 'fiddlesticks' and 'that smarts!'. DP was looking at me like because I'm normally a prolific curser. I don't know why I thought the midwife would care if I shouted fuck.

Beard of Zeus is brilliant.
My non sweary sister says Oh My Days or Fiddlesticks.
I just swear and the dcs know not to repeat it.

'Fudgebuckets' - not sure where it came from, but it feels good and that is what counts!

Fiddlesticks! If there's any smalls around.
One of my friend's dd's took to trying to copy it at opportune moments, only it came out of her two yr old mouth as "giggle dicks"!!!

Holy mackerel! Is one I come out with quite often.

sugar me timbers' (started out as just sugar, then got weirdly amalgamated with shiver me timbers)
That's brilliant

Fiddlesticks! If there's any smalls around.
One of my friend's dd's took to trying to copy it at opportune moments, only it came out of her two yr old mouth as "giggle dicks"!!!

Fudgebuckets - could see that one feeling quite satisfying. Definitely on the list to try out.

Oh fffflipping heck
Gordon Bennett (which the dds love and shout at the top of their voices)
Oh my giddy aunt
For flip's sake

BogBurglar & FinallyFree

Being given a cow is a good thing - it's a big gift, and indicates that the giver respects the recipient. The expression is therefore one of surprise - strictly speaking not a swear word equivalent, but it sounds good

As an aside, I have two cows somewhere in Rwanda (given to me by a grateful student and a Ugandan ex-boyfriend). Since I also own any offspring of said cows and it's been over a decade, I could have a whole herd by now...

Well slap my flaps & call me Mabel

Shit & shinola

Well I'll be the fraternal sibling of a primate's male parent

Bugger me sideways

Slap my flaps and call me Mabel!
sounds brilliant!

Blimey (bloody hell)
Crikey O'Reilly (crap)
Frank Spencer! Fudge and toffee (Fuck/Fuck off)
Planker (mixture of plonker and wanker)
Jeez Louise!
Blast my barnacles!

Pants in a basket!
You SILLY little boy! (To be said in a full on teacher voice) used mostly when driving.
Oh Fart blossoms!
Crumbs/crumbum
Poo, bum and wee!
Holly Golightly's loon pants!
I have no idea where some of the came from!
Chisholm is a favourite the moment. Said in a hissy, under your breath way.
Or fluff said really loudly!

Agree with a pp.. Some of these alternative curses are very twee.
I curse around my dc but never at them. They know not to use the words outside our home but honestly no one will die if and when they do curse.

My DM (never heard her swear) exclaims "Mary Ellen!" when in extremis. No idea... Never heard anyone else do it.

My DDs and I currently like "cake sniffer" from The Series of Unfortunate Events. Substitute for 'wanker' or 'bitch' etc.

Fizzling fireboxes from Thomas and friends

By Jehovah and by Zeus' magnificent beard are my go-tos. I did accidentally tell my 6yo to stop being an arseweasel the other day. It was affectionately meant, and worryingly passed unnoticed.

I use Gordon Bennett a lot. Sometimes if I need to elaborate on the exclaimation I make a whole family of Bennetts up.

Orbitz brand chewing gum, over here in the US, had a series of adverts a while back with a perky blonde woman, dressed in brilliant white, with a (contrived? couldn't tell) British accent and the catchline "Dirty mouth? Clean it up!" The ads showed things like a woman coming home to find her husband kissing someone else, and in her surprise she says, "You son of a biscuit eating bulldog!". Her husband replies, "What the FRENCH, Toast?" and she replies, "You thought I wouldn't find out about your doodiehead Cootie Queen?" The Cootie Queen in question then puts her oar in with "Who are you calling a Cootie Queen, you LINT LICKER?"

The situation devolves from there but it's really pretty hilarious. to the entire advert, from which I'm sure you can find more of them.

I'd forgotten about Jerome. Which obviously started out as Jesus, Mary and Jerome.

Fracking Boreholes is one I use. Sounds wonderfully rude.

I read once that Heck is where people who don't believe in Gosh go to