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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be confused by this?

51 replies

EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 00:39

In 2008, I became friends with another woman, and we started to meet weekly or fortnightly coffee/cake/cuppa etc. This went on for years and was I thought very positive and very reciprocal we always had good fun. Friend got pregnant with a much wanted DC2 - who went on to be very ill for the first year of their life. Regular meet ups naturally petered out but there were no hard feelings on either side. We continued to text and Facebook message etc until that too just petered out as sometimes these things do. We both have busy lives. I still very much considered her a friend. About 18 months ago I realised I hadn't seen her post in a while and thought to check in and see how she was. She had unfriended me. I was shocked and a bit hurt.

I hardly use Facebook to post but I do see unfriending as rather FINAL - I have plenty of friends on there that I haven't seen for one reason and another in a long time - it doesn't mean I'm not their friend but C'est La Vie, i thought.

Flashforward to 2 weeks ago, my phone starts going crazy at 6 AM on a Saturday morning. I got a bit panicked as my god-daughter was due to visit that day and it woke me up because i thought there was an emergency.
It was this friend. Several texts full of kisses and heart emojis telling me how much she misses me - after 4 yrs of no real contact.

Begging to come and see me - can't wait etc. So I arrange with her that she can come over tomorrow.

I don't hear from her again at all in the days that follow and had to text tonight to check she was still coming, and got a reply along the lines of : "oops lol no, i thought this was next week I'm working soz" even though the texts above clearly say 15th March.

Am I being unreasonable or is this just bizarre and bonkers?

OP posts:

duckduckquack · 15/03/2016 00:57

Crazy behaviour, if I were you I wouldn't even follow it up or make any more plans. I've become a bit ruthless as I've got older and just wouldn't be bothered investing any energy in this woman.

Original poster

EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 01:15

Part of me was/is curious - because the whole thing seems so disingenuous - so.... right.... you missed me so much that you deleted me off Facebook and closed a means of contact without first dropping a line?

I don't think she's got in touch for no reason, I think there may be an agenda. I'm fucked if I have a clue what it is she wants though. I am however curious. What with her coming I'd made sure I was free tomorrow as we used to spend hours together and now I've got a clear day and no plans. Oh well. Housework I suppose!

OP posts:

Alasalas2 · 15/03/2016 01:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 01:34

Alasalas2 - I hadn't thought maybe drunk? but you've got a point there it was the early hours of a Saturday, she could have been sat there crying into a pizza with mascara down her face but this doesn't feel likely. I thought she was up that early because DC2 is still under 5 - and I don't know why I would be suddenly called to mind. Or in fact why it's acceptable to ring or text anyone at that time in the morning unless someone has died.

OP posts:

theycallmemellojello · 15/03/2016 01:46

Would you have found the text crazy if she hadn't unfriended you? If you want to reconnect then I'd take the chance. If not, then fine to make your excuses.

Original poster

EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 01:58

MelloJello - You have a point here - I acknowledged this to an IRL friend today that perhaps if not for the Facebook bollocks - I'd have been really touched that she still thought of me and missed me and that this is one of the negative impacts of Facebook in our lives.
It is what it is though and unfortunately has made her sentiment seem very insincere or AIBU?

When reconnecting how does one even broach the subject without sounding like you're in Year 9?!

I don't know if I want to, but I am curious to hear her out.

OP posts:

Andylion · 15/03/2016 02:00

Are you sure she unfriended you on Facebook and didn't just delete her profile?

Original poster

EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 02:05

I'm sure Andylion as she comes straight up with her photo and name with ADD FRIEND underneath. Her sister also disappeared at roughly the same time.

OP posts:

EBearhug · 15/03/2016 02:11

It might be nothing to do with you - I have friends who have taken breaks from FB for various reasons.

I'd probably leave it with her and see if she tries to rearrange, but not actually go to any effort over it, on the assumption she probably won't bother.

Original poster

EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 02:25

Had she taken a break EBearHug deactivated and come back we would still be friends as you get all your friends and content back when you reactivate. I know this as some friends have done it, one after receiving some neg attention from winning money on a gameshow. She disappeared and then reappeared some months later without either of us having to add the other.

She has asked for next week and I have said OK

OP posts:

Ifailed · 15/03/2016 06:50

you don't know what's been going on in her live for the past 4 years. You used to get on well, so why not give it another try - nothing ventured nothing gained. Of course, if she has turned bonkers, make your excuses and leave.

DoreenLethal · 15/03/2016 07:16

"oops lol no, i thought this was next week I'm working soz"

'You woke me up at 6am with numerous texts wanting to meet up and now you are working? Not to worry, best block your number so you can't do it again and you can contact me through facebook. Or you could if you hadn't already defriended me. Which begs the question why am I bothering? Fuckity bye'.

acasualobserver · 15/03/2016 07:23

She wrote "soz"? Time to call it a day, I think.

SoupDragon · 15/03/2016 07:27

She might not have unfriended you. Sometimes it happens due to a glitch.

Only1scoop · 15/03/2016 07:31

She sounds like a messer

It's all a bit bizarre personally I wouldn't be available next week politely say it's clashed with something and let it peter out....

Again

Pointlessfan · 15/03/2016 07:32

To me she sounds like she might really need a friend, all sorts of things could have happened in those 4 years. I'd give her a chance to meet up and catch up. If she keeps messing you about then leave it.

MrsBobDylan · 15/03/2016 07:37

Next time I need to write a fuckity bye message I'm getting DoreenLethal to write it. What she said.

ReginaBlitz · 15/03/2016 07:41

Bet she was pissed up when she txt. Fuck her

lighteningirl · 15/03/2016 07:59

I think DoreenLehal should have a Hall of Fame MN type place to conserve her witty reposts I am always hopeful and never disappointed when I see she has waded in

SoupDragon · 15/03/2016 08:03

There is every chance she is wondering why you have unfriended her.

SaucyJack · 15/03/2016 08:05

Cocaine's a helluva drug.

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2016 08:08

Bet she now does Forever Living or Arbonne...

juniperdingleberries · 15/03/2016 08:09

It creeps me out how Facebook affects interactions like this, that "unfriending" someone is such a huge deal.
Maybe she only has close friends and family on her Facebook? Maybe she didn't know if you wanted to be friends anymore, and the text is her branching out?
Take Facebook out of it altogether and then analyse the situation.

juniperdingleberries · 15/03/2016 08:10

Branching out? Reaching out, I think I meant.

Only1scoop · 15/03/2016 08:11

Nanny

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