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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be confused by this?

51 replies

EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 00:39

In 2008, I became friends with another woman, and we started to meet weekly or fortnightly coffee/cake/cuppa etc. This went on for years and was I thought very positive and very reciprocal we always had good fun. Friend got pregnant with a much wanted DC2 - who went on to be very ill for the first year of their life. Regular meet ups naturally petered out but there were no hard feelings on either side. We continued to text and Facebook message etc until that too just petered out as sometimes these things do. We both have busy lives. I still very much considered her a friend. About 18 months ago I realised I hadn't seen her post in a while and thought to check in and see how she was. She had unfriended me. I was shocked and a bit hurt.

I hardly use Facebook to post but I do see unfriending as rather FINAL - I have plenty of friends on there that I haven't seen for one reason and another in a long time - it doesn't mean I'm not their friend but C'est La Vie, i thought.

Flashforward to 2 weeks ago, my phone starts going crazy at 6 AM on a Saturday morning. I got a bit panicked as my god-daughter was due to visit that day and it woke me up because i thought there was an emergency.
It was this friend. Several texts full of kisses and heart emojis telling me how much she misses me - after 4 yrs of no real contact.

Begging to come and see me - can't wait etc. So I arrange with her that she can come over tomorrow.

I don't hear from her again at all in the days that follow and had to text tonight to check she was still coming, and got a reply along the lines of : "oops lol no, i thought this was next week I'm working soz" even though the texts above clearly say 15th March.

Am I being unreasonable or is this just bizarre and bonkers?

OP posts:
OhShutUpThomas · 15/03/2016 08:13

Oooh yes I bet it's Forever Living.

RebootYourEngine · 15/03/2016 08:23

I think Nanny has it. Its always some form of pyramid selling.

tanukiton · 15/03/2016 08:31

haha i thought forever living as well!!!

OliviaStabler · 15/03/2016 08:37

Sounds to me like she accidentally sent the text to you but it was meant for another person.

Only1scoop · 15/03/2016 08:42

I wondered if it was meant for someone else....

Did she use your name etc?

LobsterQuadrille · 15/03/2016 08:45

Facebook aside, it sounds as if she had a serious issue when she was so desperate to reach you at 6am which has since been resolved in some way and/or she feels really embarrassed at having contacted you out of the blue after years of no contact. I kind of second a PP that she could have been drunk at the time too. I reckon she felt mortified when she received your text "are you still coming?" and dashed off some ultra-causal reply out of mortification. I've done that too .....

It's up to you what you do, obviously - you could give her one more chance and arrange a meeting and if she fails to keep that, write her off.

Original poster
EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 15:18

Thank you all for your responses - such a wide variety of stuff here.

Doreen you're hilarious - a bit of wee came out.

I don't know what Forever Living is but I do have a back of my mind concern that this is a racket of some sort. She got very pally with this woman after her DC was ill - the type who asks you to call her Nanjita and advises on your chakra when her name is Sharon she lives in suburbia and she went to India once 20 years ago Hmm like she may be starting a business and is drumming up custom that sort of thing.

OR

She wants me to do X for her (I have a hobby and sometimes do it for friends - think baking a cake though its not that) so she wants me to do X and doesn't know how to just ask for that. To be honest I'd be far cooler about it if she'd just texted and been like Hey Songbird, long time no speak, I have X happening, bake me a cake? and have been delighted to

It IS possible she unfriended me by accident, and thinks I unfriended her.
It's not so much the Facebook thing, because even if you take that out the whole equation, 6AM texts after 4 years with then no follow through and barely an apology.....

Had I not texted last night, I would have been sat here all morning waiting for her as she'd forgotten all about it. So I can't be that important.

Pissed is still a possibility.

I'm also concerned it's because she wants a favour off my DM or a friend of my DM - which would be awkward if it was the case.

Anyway she's coming next week - so I guess if she shows up we'll find out then.

OP posts:
Pinkheart5915 · 15/03/2016 15:22

I wouldn't make any future plans with her

Original poster
EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 17:19

Oh and to those who asked, yes, the texts were definitely for me as they started with Hello Songbird it's your ..... here"

OP posts:
PirateSmile · 15/03/2016 17:23

Is she bipolar, or maybe attending AA or similar where they have to apologise for past bad behaviour as part of their recovery?

BillBrysonsBeard · 15/03/2016 17:29

The "Soz" would be a dealbreaker for me Wink Very strange behaviour if she has unfriended you. I have friends I consider very dear but haven't seen in years and years, that's life.

SquinkiesRule · 15/03/2016 17:32

Weird woman! now we all have to wait till next week to see if she rocks up looking for favors or trying to sell you something.

Groovee · 15/03/2016 17:37

Sounds very odd. You'll find out next week.

Original poster
EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 17:48

She's not bipolar or in AA to my knowledge PirateSmile although in 4 years that may have changed unbeknownst to me. I didn't even think that she could have been pissed til someone on here said it. If it was mental health I'd have expected her to come to me sooner because that's what I do for a living and could have given support and assistance. Maybe that's why? Who knows? I'll update next week.

OP posts:
TheCrumpettyTree · 15/03/2016 17:57

I think you'll get your answer next week although I love what Doreen wrote really.

I use fb but hate it at the same time for this very reason. It's ridiculous to get upset over someone unfriending you but at the same time if it's a friend it's actually quite hurtful as you said OP it's so final. Especially if actually they haven't deactivated their account and all your mutual friends are still there.

QOD · 15/03/2016 18:03

That's a bit gutting really :(

Original poster
EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 18:32

Believe me Crumpetty the last thing I am or want to be is precious about Facebook - when I've noticed before that I've been unfriended, it's either been an acquaintance and i've been very 'fair dos' or it's been for a clear reason such as being unfriended by my best friends dickhead ex after their split. The issue here for me was that it seemed to happen with no real reason or warning no falling out etc and I considered her a friend

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 15/03/2016 18:40

I think DoreenLehal should have a Hall of Fame MN type place to conserve her witty reposts I am always hopeful and never disappointed when I see she has waded in

Halo
Atenco · 16/03/2016 04:12

I really think there are so many silly reasons to unfriend someone on fb that I wouldn't put too much importance on the subject. If you liked her before, chances are you will still like her and if you find you don't then you can be glad you are unfriended. Give her a chance.

Probably not her case, but so many people in abusive relationships have been encouraged to cut themselves off from friends and family, and we all suggest that they get back in touch.

Original poster
EverySongbirdSays · 22/03/2016 11:35

So, she has no showed. I deliberately didn't send a reminder text last night, because last Monday she reaffirmed for today.

I don't think I should text her, but I've sat in the last hour for her and set aside 2 mornings on 2 consecutive weeks for her. It's an absolute pisstake. I haven't had an apology text or an I'm running late nothing....

I really need to send some kind of 'Fuckity Bye' message, but don't know what to say :

Back in the day I had a lot of spare time, but I really don't as much anymore, and my work hours can be very unpredictable.

I HAVE A LIFE TOO. MY TIME IS JUST AS IMPORTANT :angry:

OP posts:
leelu66 · 22/03/2016 11:47

I would not contact her at all.

When she texts you again, THEN send the fuckity bye.

If you text her now, she will know you waited for her. This is a power trip for some people. Don't indulge her.

plimsolls · 22/03/2016 11:50

I would be tempted to send a message like
"Is everything OK with you at the moment? I'm a little concerned by all the texts/arrangements/cancellations. Are you alright?"

Partly because there may genuinely be something wrong but mostly because if she is just being a dickhead, I think this will embarrass her and give her no comeback other than an apology. It also gives you the moral highground my favourite place and makes you look calm and unflappable.

Original poster
EverySongbirdSays · 22/03/2016 11:59

plimsolls - oh I like the highground too. A Fuckity Bye as tempting as it is makes me look childish. (??) You don't think she read this on MN and knew it was me? Grin

OP posts:
TheCrumpettyTree · 22/03/2016 12:00

Don't waste any more time on her. Don't contact her. If she texts you again then use the fuckity bye message. She's wasting your time.

Original poster
EverySongbirdSays · 22/03/2016 12:00

I do think you have a strong point leelu

OP posts:
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