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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is cruel?

129 replies

summerdreams · 14/03/2016 17:58

Was at a hospital appointment today with my 19 month old there was a mum and dad with a pram, 4 month old and a 2.5 year old it was a small playroom/waiting room the ages are guesses by the way.
They walked in 2.5 year old on reins and put the reins under the wheel of the pram so the little boy could only sit on the floor next to the pram no toys near enough to play with and the couple sat there dad reading a magazine and mum breastfeeding the 4 month old. I found this really odd and I could see other parents looking also. Its been annoying me since coming home the little boy was very quiet and never said much I keep tryna think of reasons for doing this and cannot really. We was at main childrens hospital and I understand people come from all over the country and are tired and stressed but cannot think why you'd tie your child up and ignore them ? Aibu Hmm

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 14/03/2016 20:17

How hard is it to take some toys kali or to talk to the child, or even sit OT on your lap? Tying it up like a dog is bloody cruel.

kali110 · 14/03/2016 20:18

MagicalMrsMistoffelees really,?saying the child may have autism, for protection or security etc ( even though posters have said themselves this is why they use reins) and these are ridiculous?
I wouldn't sit there and judge or find it concerning.

TheFairyCaravan · 14/03/2016 20:18

*it not the OT!

Mrscog · 14/03/2016 20:19

Yeah, I would have raised an eyebrow - particularly at the Dad reading a magazine - lazy fucker. If I was feeding a baby I would expect DH to do the interacting with the toddler bit.

AnyFucker · 14/03/2016 20:20

I think it might be just us two Saucy Sad

kali110 · 14/03/2016 20:21

TheFairyCaravan people compare kids and reins to dogs no matter what.
I don't care if a parent wants to use reins.
Maybe the parents should have bought toys,maybe they were sent there quickly from the doctors etc?
Having found myself in the haematology department rather suddenly and now very frequently it can be a surprise.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 14/03/2016 20:22

My step-son has ASD. Furthermore, I am a teacher and have worked with many children with autism / Aspergers. So I have experience of children with ASD.

The reins are a red herring. My concern isn't about the reins.

It's about the sitting in silence for an hour on the floor without being spoken to. That is the concern.

TheFairyCaravan · 14/03/2016 20:24

I don't care about the reins bit, it's the tethering. So they had no time for toys, I presume they could have spoken to and interacted with the child.

Original poster
summerdreams · 14/03/2016 20:24

Im the op and I use reins I promise this what not the issue. It was the hole picture it felt like they just didn't like him but liked the baby having a child around the same age it made me sad Sad

OP posts:
AnnieNoMouse · 14/03/2016 20:26

YANBU - can't believe there are people who think tethering your child to an object for an hour and ignoring him is reasonable or acceptable parenting.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/03/2016 20:29

I'm saying not all.kids want to be spoken to at all times. dd2 doesn't shut up. dd2 didn't say much at 2.5.

dd1 could hold entire conversations but sometimes really did just like some peace and quiet.

it was a hospital. no one knows what he was there fir or whether or not he felt to ill to talk or was just so used to hospitals that's just how he is when he goes there.

he could have gone home to cold unloving parents yes.

or he could have been run ragged before or after and be on his way to the Disney store when they left.

my Dds hate sitting in. my lap for too long they get hot.

we have no idea. isn't that the point .

Muskateersmummy · 14/03/2016 20:30

For me too the reins aren't the concern. It's the lack of interaction. If mum was feeding why didn't dad sit the child on his knee, let him play with his phone of even either of them just occasionally ask if he was ok? I can't imagine sitting for an hour with my child in a hospital waiting room and not speaking to her at all

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 14/03/2016 20:31

And Kali you know full well that my post was about highlighting the ways in which some posters on Mumsnet are selective in their interpretation of the OP in order to offer any excuse which will enable them to seem most competitively non-judgmental.

It wasn't about saying people shouldn't use reins. Or that people shouldn't use reins to help keep children with autism safe.

But I will stand by my point that saying the child may have autism as an explanation for not worrying that a child sat on the floor in silence for an hour without interaction from its parents is ridiculous.

FortifiedWine · 14/03/2016 20:34

Other than a problem like autism, the only other reason I could think of is that child has a particular problem like ADHD or similar where they may be prone to running off and causing chaos. Especially if the person has another child.

I agree it may seem strange - but if there was no problem with the child escaping the probably wouldn't do it, which is what led me to think that.

AnyFucker · 14/03/2016 20:39

it does seem like folk will absolutely bend over backwards to not appear judgemental at times

to the point of completely dismissing what is the most logical and likely explanation for something.

this is how a young child who is used to emotional neglect may act...they don't try to attract attention because none is forthcoming. Or, they make themselves "invisible" because they fear the kind of attention they might get

I think that is at least as likely as "the child could be autistic" or any other number of explanations put forward so far

this is how abuse flourishes, because it is too uncomfortable to acknowledge we would rather sometimes focus in on a more palatable reason for such unusual behaviour in a toddler

TheFairyCaravan · 14/03/2016 20:43

I completely agree AF.

I wonder if the staff noticed? I bet they would have thought it was bloody odd too.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 14/03/2016 20:44

You really can't beat Mumsnet for finding the most ridiculous attempts to win the crown of 'most competitively non-judgmental'

In reality, most right-minded people who observe a tethered toddler sitting in silence on the floor for an hour with no communication from its parents would find that at best unusual and at worst deeply concerning

This. Common sense is in short supply sometimes on here.

It might be fine. I don't know what the story is. But sometimes, yes, we should notice if something doesn't seem right.

crispytruffle · 14/03/2016 20:46

I think it is odd and cruel. The boy didn't move for an hour....hmm....sounds concerning to me. I once saw a eight year old being pulled around in reins, she got dragged into a shop with her parents. I thought it was odd. Five minutes later they exit the shop with the mum dragging the child by her hair and punching her in her head and the dad kicking her. I may have been judgmental but I was right to be.

Owllady · 14/03/2016 20:47

I have never tied my child with autism to anything, nor have I ignored her for an hour!

Anyway, we were the family whose children emptied tampons all over the waiting room floor out of my handbag or anything else they could embarrass me with.

Sunnyshores · 14/03/2016 20:51

A 3 year old boy sat on the floor, without toys or interaction, quiet and still for an hour. Unusual in most cases I think, but perhaps SN could explain it.

BUT during this time his parents didnt ask him if hes OK, offer him a drink or a snack, ask if he needed the loo, ruffle his hair, tell him he was being good, read him a book, offer him a toy - nothing. Just because the mum was breastfeeding doesnt mean she couldnt have at least spoken to him and the Dad has no excuses. I can think of no reason for this other than bad parenting.

Its very sad.

bakeoffcake · 14/03/2016 20:51

YANBU

I also don't think the reins are a problem. The non interaction for an hour, is concerning.

Poor little chap.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 14/03/2016 20:52

The thing is though, for a child of such a young age to sit there for so long with no interaction does indicate that is what they are use to. Any of mine that weren't being interacted with at all for an hour would of got my attention and in fact I remember watching a child pschology/attachment programme years ago with that guy with the dark glasses and dark curly hair and he said a child who has a strong attachment with a parent gets very distressed at being ignored and not interacted with for more than a few minutes at such a young age and they done it as an example.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/03/2016 20:53

I'm. not trying to be non judgemental.

just out of 2 kid's one wouldn't really have been able to talk to me at 2.5 as she didn't have very good speech

amd the other one, well there's every chance I'd have been told to shut up on the way to the hospital.

in fact they still do ask.me to stop talking as they want to just sit quietly.

I take that chance as it makes a change from the pair of them.fighting Hmm

I'd have sat them on a chair mind not the floor.

but an hour not talking is not unusal with mine.

I get the reins fir safety reasons.ive had to do that myself befire. usually lamp.posts though. or my leg.

MinniedeMinx · 14/03/2016 20:56

I still have nightmares about when DS1, 2 yrs old, was stopped from sinking like a rock at the deep end of the swimming pool. I caught the back of his t-shirt as he had one foot over the edge. I used to run for the school at County level. Thats the day I bought reins.
And my friends little Olympic athlete was hit by a car after he did a runner from the chip shop.
Both of them giggling hysterically and having a fine old time giving Mum the run around.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/03/2016 20:59

Oh and dd2 used to (and still does) that annoying whiny noise when you talk to her and she doesn't want to. usually when she's tired after school.

I realise that probably sounds weird though. but she does get upset sometimes when you are trying to talk to her and she doesn't want to talk.