Aibu to think this is cruel?

[summerdreams]

Was at a hospital appointment today with my 19 month old there was a mum and dad with a pram, 4 month old and a 2.5 year old it was a small playroom/waiting room the ages are guesses by the way.
They walked in 2.5 year old on reins and put the reins under the wheel of the pram so the little boy could only sit on the floor next to the pram no toys near enough to play with and the couple sat there dad reading a magazine and mum breastfeeding the 4 month old. I found this really odd and I could see other parents looking also. Its been annoying me since coming home the little boy was very quiet and never said much I keep tryna think of reasons for doing this and cannot really. We was at main childrens hospital and I understand people come from all over the country and are tired and stressed but cannot think why you'd tie your child up and ignore them ? Aibu

*doing not going.

Ive come to see through this thread there are situations you might put the reins under the pram. I do not agree with germs as a hospital floor and a dirty wheel are worse imo. The not interacting im not sure why you wouldn't ? I must say there was big double doors that were closed I dont think he could have got anywhere dangerous.

gooseberryroolz thankyou we have bm biopsy booked for 3 weeks time there allways cancelled because of illness.

Fingers crossed this one goes ahead okay

I didn't say that child was abused, MrsDV, how could we know that ?

I am making an observation about how some children may behave that have been abused.

A toddler that is tied to an inaminate object, is not interacted with by two caregivers and seems unusually passive in the face of such treatment is a red flag to me. All else being equal, like I said.

Maybe it was the germ issue, maybe the child gets a bit rough when playing, maybe he was being punished.

None of these is a excuse to blatantly ignore a child for an hour plus. That is cruel. OP YANBU.

YANBU and I use reins on DD at the park (she is a bolter ) but I would never use them to tie her down and not see that she is occupied with a toy or book if I am not interacting with her. That is just weird.

I used reins with my two as well. Not to tie kids up to inanimate objects though, only when on the move.

It does seem something to be concerned by if it was an hour of no interaction. When I was in hospital with my DD, a woman was there with a little girl on reins, she didn't get them off her for about 4 hours and didn't really speak to her other than to tell her off. it was children's A&E and she had brought her in to get her arm checked as she said that she had banged it in a fall and was still in pain. The Mum was completely cold towards her and not comforting, it was so odd to keep these reins on her and the Doctor must have thought it was unnecessary as he asked her to remove them - he wasn't even asking pre treatment, I think he just found it disturbing. He was going over the girls details and it transpired she was 4 but looked about 18 months so it seemed even more unnecessary. The junior Doctor remarked on the fact that she looked younger but it didn't seem like it was for any particular reason as the Mother just replied, 'does she?'

But was the boy even trying to get up? Was he the one with the appointment?

How is an hour a short time?

For an hour? With zero interaction from either parent? I think that's pretty cruel and I can't quite understand why anyone wouldn't. The fact that the little boy didn't make any fuss for that whole time speaks volumes to me. Poor wee soul.

in fairness. dd1 used to take her self upstairs just to go sit or lie on my bed for anything up to two hours.

she just needed that time where she didn't have to talk to anyone or do anything.

and yes it was needed as she would be snappy or tearful sometimes and rather than be rude to me I said if she needed some space to go upstairs.

so yes I can believe that a two and a half yr old does sometimes just sit or lie down not talking to anyone or not even watching TV.

no.idra if that's what was happening nut nit every child needs full on performance parenting all the time. in fact that can wind them.up sometimes.

Replies here have offered explanations including that the child was autistic; it was a punishment; it might have liked the security of being in reins; the parents wanted to avoid germs.

You really can't beat Mumsnet for finding the most ridiculous attempts to win the crown of 'most competitively non-judgmental'. These folk also love to criticise other posters for wearing 'judgey pants' whilst simultaneously being judgmental themselves!

In reality, most right-minded people who observe a tethered toddler sitting in silence on the floor for an hour with no communication from its parents would find that at best unusual and at worst deeply concerning.

I'd be delighted if my children would sit tied up quietly for a while and I could ignore them and look at my phone

My two are full on - running away, grabbing things in shops etc - not caring about any discipline. They like having fun and getting up to mischief but it's draining for me. They're calming down a little but lately as they get that bit older.

My children get so much of my attention that if I ignore them for an hour and they are happy enough then it won't do them any harm.

Is not interacting with a 2.5 year old for an hour who is tethered to a pushchair, facing an inviting choice of toys - however germ ridden, just a sign of someone not being a 'performance parent' then?

We know nothing about this child other than he wears rains and was restrained by some pram wheels for a short time.

An hour is a not a short time for a toddler to be restrained in a waiting room!

But it's more of a concern- not less- that he appeared calm and happy to sit quietly, and yet his parents still found it necessary to tie him up anyway.

Is it just me and AnyFucker that remember learned helplessness from A Level psych?

Only one of mine would have sat quietly for an hour, and she's the last out of the three I'd dream of doing so to.

The one who would "need" it for their own safety would be too busy licking crusted dog shit off the pram wheels to care, and the one who needs chaining up as a matter of public safety would be headbutting the floor and snarling like a chihuahua on PCP.

You have no idea why they had reins on though?
If they're at a childrens hospital i imagine the parents maybe quite exhausted, especially with a newborn and not have the energy to run around after a toddler.
The reins could be on to keep him safe. Not interacting, parents exhausted, scared of what is going on with one of their kids.
The child being quiet wouldn't raise alarm bells for me, as they were in a childrens hospital.
People maybe are not supposed to take their kids in if they are sick, however kids can be ill for days before they show any symptoms! I certainly wouldn't be going anywhere near toys there.

My DD is very much an excitable bolter and is inquisitive, she is the complete opposite to my 9 year old Ds. She is 4 and shows no signs yet of 'calming down'- yes it is exhausting but there is no way I would've thought this was a reasonable option and it would've been completely impossible to control her in this way anyway! Even my calm one would not have put up with being thethered at 2.5!

I remember about learned helplessness too.

DS1 would have quite happily sat in a chair for an hour. DS2 would have been dragging the pram through the waiting room, picking God knows what off the floor had I had tried to tether him up!

Saucy @ 'chihuahua on PCP'

Not Psych A level, but the babies in the chinese dying rooms never murmered, did they?

Heard it all now!

A child sat on the floor in silence for an hour with no interaction from their parents is just an example of non performance parenting?

Do you really think that?!