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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL and Dogs!

527 replies

DillyDingDillyDong · 14/03/2016 11:17

NC for this. Not sure if this is more of a WWYD or possibly just a rant!

It's DS's birthday on Friday and we're having a little party in our house on Saturday. There will be about 20 adults and ten children from 1-8.

SIL doesn't have any children, quite often makes a point of saying she doesn't want any, but has two dogs. She text DH last night to see if we needed her to bring anything and DH asked if she could pick a cake up from Costco on the way to save us doing it on Friday. She replied saying that she wouldn't have room in the car for the cake with the dogs being in there.

DH replied asking why the dogs would be in the car and she replied saying that she wouldn't be able to leave them at home for the few hours she is out at the party.

DH ended up calling her up and telling her that the dogs wouldn't be able to come, she then went on to say how the weekend is her time with the dogs and she doesn't want to leave them. She also knows that we've recently had our garden done and so said it would be really nice for them to be able to play outside. He just repeated that the dogs weren't able to come as we are possibly getting a bouncy castle on the day(our friend owns one and can give it to us last minute) if the weather is ok. She accused him of making this up and that he should have made it clear the invite wasn't for the whole family before saying that if her dogs went welcome then she wouldn't be comings do then hung up. DH was just in shock and we couldn't think of anything else to say to her. If she wants to miss her nephews first birthday because she can't leave the dogs for four hours at the most despite leaving them from half seven to half seven every day at work then it's up to her.

She text me earlier to ask if DH had told me what she had said. I replied and said he had and that it was a shame for her to miss the party but the dogs can't come and we had assumed that she would have known that. She replied saying it was a shame that we didn't recognise that the dogs are part of her family. I said that I know she cares about her dogs but this is a child's party and we don't want them here for it. She has just replied with this text

"I feel like you don't realise how important they are to me. They are my family, my babies. I would never not invite DS to my house or say he wasn't welcome or suggest you leave him at home or with a sitter. I'm not going to come on Saturday. I haven't seen DSsince Christmas and was looking forward to it but it's unfair to ask me to give up time with the boys when I get to spend so little time with them as it is."

I am sat here just in disbelief. I don't even know what to say to her.

I know I'm not being unreasonable not inviting the dogs to my house. I just have no idea where to go with this now. DH is in a meeting until one so I can't even call him to tell him what's been said. My jaw is aching from my face just being like this Shock for the last ten minutes! She's always been very precious about the dogs and didn't come to a Christmas Eve thing at our old flat because we didn't have space for the dogs and all the presents were out under the tree etc. But I thought she would be a bit more reasonable about leaving them for a few hours to see DS.

Does anyone have any advice please?!

OP posts:
wannaBe · 14/03/2016 14:45

if this is real then I would say that there is far more to this which the OP clearly is unaware of.

of course a lot of people view their dogs/cats/other animals as part of the family. But the sil's comments seem to have gone to a whole new level. If she views these dogs as her babies/her parents' grandchildren I would put money on the fact that there is something far deeper going on here and that she possibly is unable to have children - ever - and that having these dogs has happened in order to try and bridge the gap in her life which children will have filled in her eyes and that it's gone too far.

There are definitely some barking people out there who go all out for their animals, spend a lot of money on them/treat them like babies/take them everywhere etc, but this level of obsession seems indicative of some serious MH issues here, and I would hazard a guess that the MIL is aware of whatever underlying issues there are and is supporting SIL because of it.

coffeeisnectar · 14/03/2016 14:45

Thanks for the invite to the party Dilly. Me, my DP, my 10 year old and our four cats will be arriving promptly on time.

I do hope you have catered for my cats, they are very fussy. And they will want at least half an hour on the bouncy castle with no children about so if you could organise that, it would be fab.

See you saturday :o

KERALA1 · 14/03/2016 14:45

It sounds exhausting. But then mine are 9 and 7 so I have had YEARS of parties like the one you are holding. DDs 10th is in July and we discuss it most days Wine. Honestly if you don't have to - don't! Make things as easy on yourselves as possible.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 14/03/2016 14:45

MiL said that she needs to treat him and SIL the same which is why she's standing up for her

This may well be the nub of it. It sounds to me to be about status and attention within the family more than affection for her dogs per se. Of course I don't know her, so that may be unfair.

Anyway, there can never be true parity, because children trump dogs. Unfortunately, that may mean there will be a lot more of these clashes to come, so steel yourselves.

WaitrosePigeon · 14/03/2016 14:47

She sounds like an absolute twat.

3luckystars · 14/03/2016 14:49

please PLEASE get a dog shaped cake for the party.

She is absolutely bananas to think her pet is a grandchild.

BigbyWolf · 14/03/2016 14:53

Oh god, did she really have a party for her dog?! Confused

LaConnerie · 14/03/2016 14:55

MiL said that she needs to treat him and SIL the same which is why she's standing up for her

And therein lies the problem (or part of it). Somebody (preferably not you!) needs to tell her she's a fucking loon.

PollyCazaletWannabe · 14/03/2016 14:57

I have been reading this thread like this HmmShock but now the doggy party has just tipped me over the edge into GrinGrinGrin

Fuzz01 · 14/03/2016 14:57

My db now ex is barking crazy about her dogs. She wont work as she has to care for the dogs! They were referred as grandchildren and cousins to my parents and my DC

No they are untrainned animals Hmm

I think its becoming more common how much dogs are being babied.

They wanted them to come round for christmas to my parents. im pregnant we have a toddler and a 7year old. My dad has sight problems and these dogs are very bouncy. Least to say they didnt come and were told to leave them at home.

DillyDingDillyDong · 14/03/2016 14:58

I think if it was an issue with her really wanting but not being able to have children it would have been mentioned already. After multiple miscarriages and a few years of ttc we thought that maybe I couldn't have children. If she knew something she would have said. Her last boyfriend is good friends with DH and he had a long talk about children with her before they broke up. He said that he really wanted them but she just didn't want to have any children, she would have told him if there was another issue.

OP posts:
tiggytape · 14/03/2016 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stiffstink · 14/03/2016 15:00

I don't understand what difference it would make to change the location - there will still be the same people invited.

Why does SIL presume her "whole family" is invited if the dogs' names are not on the invitation? Who does that?! And what does she do when she's invited to weddings that aren't specified as canine-free human-only weddings?

Only1scoop · 14/03/2016 15:01

Yanbu

Can't stand it when people presume they're dogs are just welcome in your home.

ArmfulOfRoses · 14/03/2016 15:07

Does mil say that she is being fair to her children or grandchildren ?
I'm quite interested to know hard far down batshittery road mil has travelled tbh.

DillyDingDillyDong · 14/03/2016 15:08

Holy shit. She's taken to Facebook!

"Is anybody free this Saturday? I've had a change of plans and was wondering if any of my friends and their furbabies want to join me and the boys in a sponsored walk for [local dog charity]. Would be an excellent use of our time and I know the boys really enjoy this walk!"

Too tempted to comment suggesting that we have a collection at the birthday party!

OP posts:
PollyCazaletWannabe · 14/03/2016 15:10

Unbelievable!

clam · 14/03/2016 15:11

Classics thataway >>>>>

AHobbyaweek · 14/03/2016 15:12

Amazing! Tell her you are moving the party to the park but her "furnaces" still are not allowed to come.

GladysOli · 14/03/2016 15:12

Perhaps she thinks all the children at the party would be in a travel cot and her fur babies would be safe to roam around?

AHobbyaweek · 14/03/2016 15:12

"Furbabies" I promise that was not a Freudian slip

PhoenixReisling · 14/03/2016 15:13
Shock
WhereYouLeftIt · 14/03/2016 15:13

"There is more to this than her dogs. It's like she has to be the centre of the universe...the person calling the shots. "
That sounds quite close to the mark IMO.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 14/03/2016 15:15

Sorry, I'm place marking!

This woman is utterly unreasonable. Also totally bonkers.

I'm very doggy but would never dream of bringing mine to someone else's house unless they offered and were extremely insistent. Much less a child's party!!

KatharinaRosalie · 14/03/2016 15:18

she ended up bringing his travel cot downstairs to put him I just in case the dogs were frightened or DS tried to grab them

While she obviously doesn't care that her dogs can hurt children, there will be a dozen children trying to grab or frighten the dogs. Is she suggesting travel cots for them all?

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