Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL and Dogs!

527 replies

DillyDingDillyDong · 14/03/2016 11:17

NC for this. Not sure if this is more of a WWYD or possibly just a rant!

It's DS's birthday on Friday and we're having a little party in our house on Saturday. There will be about 20 adults and ten children from 1-8.

SIL doesn't have any children, quite often makes a point of saying she doesn't want any, but has two dogs. She text DH last night to see if we needed her to bring anything and DH asked if she could pick a cake up from Costco on the way to save us doing it on Friday. She replied saying that she wouldn't have room in the car for the cake with the dogs being in there.

DH replied asking why the dogs would be in the car and she replied saying that she wouldn't be able to leave them at home for the few hours she is out at the party.

DH ended up calling her up and telling her that the dogs wouldn't be able to come, she then went on to say how the weekend is her time with the dogs and she doesn't want to leave them. She also knows that we've recently had our garden done and so said it would be really nice for them to be able to play outside. He just repeated that the dogs weren't able to come as we are possibly getting a bouncy castle on the day(our friend owns one and can give it to us last minute) if the weather is ok. She accused him of making this up and that he should have made it clear the invite wasn't for the whole family before saying that if her dogs went welcome then she wouldn't be comings do then hung up. DH was just in shock and we couldn't think of anything else to say to her. If she wants to miss her nephews first birthday because she can't leave the dogs for four hours at the most despite leaving them from half seven to half seven every day at work then it's up to her.

She text me earlier to ask if DH had told me what she had said. I replied and said he had and that it was a shame for her to miss the party but the dogs can't come and we had assumed that she would have known that. She replied saying it was a shame that we didn't recognise that the dogs are part of her family. I said that I know she cares about her dogs but this is a child's party and we don't want them here for it. She has just replied with this text

"I feel like you don't realise how important they are to me. They are my family, my babies. I would never not invite DS to my house or say he wasn't welcome or suggest you leave him at home or with a sitter. I'm not going to come on Saturday. I haven't seen DSsince Christmas and was looking forward to it but it's unfair to ask me to give up time with the boys when I get to spend so little time with them as it is."

I am sat here just in disbelief. I don't even know what to say to her.

I know I'm not being unreasonable not inviting the dogs to my house. I just have no idea where to go with this now. DH is in a meeting until one so I can't even call him to tell him what's been said. My jaw is aching from my face just being like this Shock for the last ten minutes! She's always been very precious about the dogs and didn't come to a Christmas Eve thing at our old flat because we didn't have space for the dogs and all the presents were out under the tree etc. But I thought she would be a bit more reasonable about leaving them for a few hours to see DS.

Does anyone have any advice please?!

OP posts:
DillyDingDillyDong · 15/03/2016 17:24

Yes Walter he is one. He's only going to turn one once so thought it would be nice to celebrate. We could have had a big party which would have been ridiculous but decided to have a small tea party in our garden.

OP posts:
AddToBasket · 15/03/2016 17:33

It is not ridiculous to have a party for a one year old. It is lovely (or should be).

You are right not to engage with her about this any more. Over time this will just become more embarrassing for her.

ShowMeTheWonder · 15/03/2016 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Penguinepenguins · 15/03/2016 17:35

I'm so sorry for the miscarriage OP, it is quite simply the most heartbreaking thing to go through, so I was sorry to hear you had to deal with that level of insensitivity

Even if the OP didn't mind the dogs near your DC, you can't make that assumption for other parents! What if everyone brought their dogs... As other posters have said hyperactive children + dogs (who can't be in a room with one or two children no less as the SIL requested) isn't going to work... Or are the kids supposed to be in pens at the birthday, and what if the scouting mission hasn't been completed i cannot imagine the drama if one got out (let's be honest made a run for it...)

Then the FB drama, everyone's involved holy crap I feel for you OP!

amarmai · 15/03/2016 17:36

1st bdays are a huge deal in Canada. UK? Hope yours is wonderful,op.

Penguinepenguins · 15/03/2016 17:36

I do now have visions of all these dogs running around with reckless abandon and children in pens begging to be let out for cake and a go on the doggy bouncy castle...

cosmickitten · 15/03/2016 17:41

What a joyless world it would be without celebrations. A 1st birthday is definitely a reason to celebrate in my book. Sorry your Sil ( and mil to an extent) are being so difficult ( well nuts in sil) hope you have a wonderful party despite that

leelu66 · 15/03/2016 17:42

Walter

What a spectacular missing of the point.

It's a chance for people to get together and will provide pictures and memories. And who doesn't love looking at pictures of themselves as a baby?

I hate celebrating my birthday but it doesn't take an Einstein to realise the importance of a 1st birthday party to some people.

Waltermittythesequel · 15/03/2016 17:44

Don't get me wrong, I had parties for my dc 1st birthdays.

It's just all the talk of shadows over the day, and causing stress about the day, and being able to concentrate on the lead up to it etc.

It just seems a bit much.

But then my dc 1st parties were a cake and a candle and that was pretty much it so I'm probably too low key!

Penguinepenguins · 15/03/2016 17:50

I feel for the OP, and would feel very upset about the entire thing.

Ive read all the posts from the OP and the SIL has caused one tremendous fuss over the fact she can't take her dogs to a children's party - if she didn't want to leave them at home then she should have just left it at that, not get her mother involved to move the party to a different location so she could have her dogs there, not call and text the OP's husband about it the OP about it and then take to FB about how she will do a sponsored walk with her dogs and then throw them a party... That's just not nice of her one not one bit in my opinion and has caused a world of grief to the OP and her DH who just want a quiet tea party to celebrate their sons first birthday.

DillyDingDillyDong · 15/03/2016 17:55

Walter we wouldn't even be talking about the party now if it wasn't for SIL. All we want is a day with family and friends. We've invited people and ordered a cake, that's about it. It wasn't until we got the text off SIL about the dogs that it became a bit of a drama.

DH said he wants to not talk about it and focus in celebrating DS' birthday because of how long it's taken for us to get to our child's first birthday.

Thank you Amarmai and Penguine.

Haha I can just see SIL turning up with a spare travel cot just in case we don't have enough child pens!

OP posts:
leelu66 · 15/03/2016 17:59

It's just all the talk of shadows over the day, and causing stress about the day, and being able to concentrate on the lead up to it etc.

Have we been reading the same thread? Confused

I think OP has been very relaxed about the party. It's the dogs potentially causing issues that has shadowed the day.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 15/03/2016 18:00

Op you should let her come. Make a play pen big enough for one batty adult and 2 furbabies. Just make sure you throw some cake in every now and again.

PhoenixReisling · 15/03/2016 18:03

tali Grin

Penguinepenguins · 15/03/2016 18:03

I just feel for you OP, your DH is more than likely right be good not to talk about it and focus on the day but difficult when somebody won't let sleeping dogs lie...

Oops sorry I couldn't resist!

Rainbunny · 15/03/2016 18:47

I only skimmed through this so apologies if I am just repeating what others have already said. Honestly, it's ridiculous for your SIL to think a kids party with children from 1-8 would be an appropriate place for dogs. Children often don't understand signals from dogs and they tend to want to crowd them and pat them (whack...) etc.. and dogs can easily get stressed by this, that's when something bad can happen. Even gentle dogs that never bite can snap when they are surrounded with little children getting in their face. Your SIL is being irresponsible for the safety of both her dogs and the children.

I speak from experience, I have a cute little dog (looks like a teddy bear) and he is a magnet for children. I've had to pick him up and walk off with him before at my local park, when a crowd of children descended and surrounded him, terrifying him while their (idiot) parents stood by saying "look at the cute puppy... (!)" I'm sure your SIL wouldn't enjoy having to take financial and legal responsibility if a child was bitten, not to mention it's your house so you would also be potentially responsible.

Fizrim · 15/03/2016 19:32

Is your SIL super-competitive with your DH, her brother because it is striking me as an attention thing now?

I would also point out to anyone who thought that this was down to the OP making too much of a first birthday that HER MIL HIRED A PHOTOGRAPHER for the occasion! It is a lovely event to celebrate IMO, I hope you have a lovely day.

Alexa444 · 15/03/2016 19:45

Walter That isn't the point. The point is that A) Dogs and babies and toddlers all running/crawling around and over excited is not a overly safe combination and B) The OP does not want dogs running around her house/garden. If she did, she would have one. I love my dog more than I love most people and would much prefer her company to pretty much any child's but if a relative didn't want dogs in her house then I would respect her choice and not make a massive facebook drama out of it. Luckily my relatives all all as barmy as me and even had dogs welcome at a wedding reception. Admittedly it was just a pub garden sort of thing but still.

Waltermittythesequel · 15/03/2016 20:02

Alexa not sure what point you think I made?

I never once said SIL is remotely reasonable.

merrymouse · 15/03/2016 20:19

Poor dogs - left alone for most of the day during the week and then potentially left at the mercy of random over excited children at the weekend. That is no way to treat either a dog or a baby.

MidnightVelvetthe5th · 15/03/2016 20:21

Agree with rainbunny

Presumably the sil hasn't considered that if a child gets bitten her dog may have to be put down because of it....

anotherbusymum14 · 15/03/2016 20:27

Sorry haven't read the whole thread but u think it's less about the having dogs versus having kids and more about her personality. Sounds like she just wants to do her own thing and expects everyone to agree with her. Sounds a bit of a narcissist actually. Sorry.

Alexa444 · 15/03/2016 22:08

Walter You said it was ridiculous not not allow them because he is only one and wouldn't give a shit? Or have I misunderstood? Sorry if I have, so knackered, can barely see straight Smile

Waltermittythesequel · 15/03/2016 22:22

Er, no I didn't!

getyourfingeroutyournose · 16/03/2016 00:01

I've just spent a good amount of time reading this to DP and laughing so hard but feeling so angry and sorry for OP.
SIL is clearly in the wrong and I for one would demand an apology for the comments that completely disregarded your grief and how dare she compare that to her dogs/use it for her own attention seeking gains! She NEEDS counselling to say the least and I definitely think she should get help asap.

If it were me she would not be allowed in my house any more. I'm grateful that both my SILs are nice normal and funny girls and now I'm even more grateful that they don't have any bloody dogs!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread