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Original poster

SIL and Dogs!

527 replies

DillyDingDillyDong · 14/03/2016 11:17

NC for this. Not sure if this is more of a WWYD or possibly just a rant!

It's DS's birthday on Friday and we're having a little party in our house on Saturday. There will be about 20 adults and ten children from 1-8.

SIL doesn't have any children, quite often makes a point of saying she doesn't want any, but has two dogs. She text DH last night to see if we needed her to bring anything and DH asked if she could pick a cake up from Costco on the way to save us doing it on Friday. She replied saying that she wouldn't have room in the car for the cake with the dogs being in there.

DH replied asking why the dogs would be in the car and she replied saying that she wouldn't be able to leave them at home for the few hours she is out at the party.

DH ended up calling her up and telling her that the dogs wouldn't be able to come, she then went on to say how the weekend is her time with the dogs and she doesn't want to leave them. She also knows that we've recently had our garden done and so said it would be really nice for them to be able to play outside. He just repeated that the dogs weren't able to come as we are possibly getting a bouncy castle on the day(our friend owns one and can give it to us last minute) if the weather is ok. She accused him of making this up and that he should have made it clear the invite wasn't for the whole family before saying that if her dogs went welcome then she wouldn't be comings do then hung up. DH was just in shock and we couldn't think of anything else to say to her. If she wants to miss her nephews first birthday because she can't leave the dogs for four hours at the most despite leaving them from half seven to half seven every day at work then it's up to her.

She text me earlier to ask if DH had told me what she had said. I replied and said he had and that it was a shame for her to miss the party but the dogs can't come and we had assumed that she would have known that. She replied saying it was a shame that we didn't recognise that the dogs are part of her family. I said that I know she cares about her dogs but this is a child's party and we don't want them here for it. She has just replied with this text

"I feel like you don't realise how important they are to me. They are my family, my babies. I would never not invite DS to my house or say he wasn't welcome or suggest you leave him at home or with a sitter. I'm not going to come on Saturday. I haven't seen DSsince Christmas and was looking forward to it but it's unfair to ask me to give up time with the boys when I get to spend so little time with them as it is."

I am sat here just in disbelief. I don't even know what to say to her.

I know I'm not being unreasonable not inviting the dogs to my house. I just have no idea where to go with this now. DH is in a meeting until one so I can't even call him to tell him what's been said. My jaw is aching from my face just being like this Shock for the last ten minutes! She's always been very precious about the dogs and didn't come to a Christmas Eve thing at our old flat because we didn't have space for the dogs and all the presents were out under the tree etc. But I thought she would be a bit more reasonable about leaving them for a few hours to see DS.

Does anyone have any advice please?!

OP posts:
clearlyneedmorewine · 15/03/2016 07:25

I agree about the dog/ child substitute. I would explain that as there will be other children there, you can't guarantee how the others would behave around her dogs, and it is safer for them and for everyone if the dogs aren't put in a situation that isn't suitable for them.
Explain also that you would never impose your children on a situation that was completely unsuitable for them either, and it's just the same here. Good luck.

DoreenLethal · 15/03/2016 07:32

I would never forgive her for the breeding comment, let alone the other shit.

I would also ban dogs from your house permanently. Just because. I wouldn't beat around the bush telling her that actually, she is fucking poison for the things she has said, and until she realises what a vile person she has become and apologises [genuinely] you are in no rush to see her at anyone's house.

Roussette · 15/03/2016 07:34

Well done, Dilly!

congrats to MrDilly. On so so many threads it would've been the DH not standing up to his DSis and DM and posters urging the OP to sort her husband out. This is so refreshing that you're singing off the same hymn sheet.

Although this is a victory battle it's not the war won is it... this is going to get very tedious on and on and I do think there's going to come a time when DM has to accept that her only grandson takes precedence over a couple of dogs. Agree with others, this is DSis asserting her position in the family.

Alexa Im torn on your message. Whilst I do try to be kind to everyone, I do think that your message is indulging her ridiculousness with the "we love your dogs too" and in the long run it will just make things worse and worse as it has put the dogs up there with the grandchild and they aren't, they are not human! It would just make SIL think "I am right then, my furbabies have as much rights as your son"!

PestilentialCat · 15/03/2016 07:34

I'm wondering what fresh dramas will unfold on the day...

HopIt · 15/03/2016 07:50

She's missing a point entirely which would worry me.
If one of the kids terrorises the dog to a point where the dog snaps, it's her dog being put down not the child

I'm a huge dog lover (more than people) but a family pet would struggle with the stress let alone a dog who doesn't live in that house, with that child.

sewsimple · 15/03/2016 08:25

I've read through a load of these answers and frankly I'm surprise I haven't seen any from animal lovers saying that you should shouldn't take on animals if you have to leave them for 12 hours a day!
however, that said, I agree with most of you - sod her - she could at least say well I'll pop in for a short while and give him his pressie and then leave him to have fun with his little mates!

Roussette · 15/03/2016 08:32

sew I said that upthread. Then realised her DP pops home at lunchtime!

londonrach · 15/03/2016 08:43

No way do you bring dogs to a strange house in the middle of a noisy party with loads of children. Just ignore or text back sorry we will miss you at the party but catch up another time. Abit shocked she throught she was ok!

muminthecity · 15/03/2016 08:52

This thread is brilliant. My friend's brother has a dog who is treated like a child. He keeps track of how much time their parents spend babysitting friend's DC then insists that his parents 'babysit' the dog for an equal amount of time! He expects his parents to treat his dog exactly the same way as they treat their DGC!

OP can you go to the dog walk before the party? With your 1 year old in a collar and dog lead? Maybe teach him to pant and bark, and sit on command as well. Would love to see the look on SIL's face Grin

londonrach · 15/03/2016 08:52

Seen update Grin

Loopy22 · 15/03/2016 09:18

He he yep I don't understand dog people. When people ask if I like um I go "What do they taste like?". I have the same problem with my Dads dogs, as a result haven't seen him since Christmas. If you don't want to offend your SIL too Much, tell him that one of The kids coming to the party has a very bad doggy allergy and comes out it big hives even if he's so much in the same room as them. Funny how most of my relatives have all come down with dog allergy just to avoid the things.

parmalilac · 15/03/2016 09:36

I wouldn't give it a second thought - she has made her choice, which is a bit sad when you think about it ... her loss really.

saffronwblue · 15/03/2016 09:40

Wow I would not be able to get past the vicious post pregnancy loss comments. Just when you think nothing could make you feel worse.
However the whistle suggestion has made my evening. Pure lunacy. You, your DH and your DS sound so lovely.
Just placemarking for 30 years till DS's wedding .

exaltedwombat · 15/03/2016 09:44

She has "little enough time with them", so she CAN leave them. But, as you say, she's decided they're her babies. I've seen this before, both the obsession on animals and the insistence that her preferences are supreme. Be nice to her, but don't let her bully you. (I suppose the dogs COULDN'T come really?)

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/03/2016 09:58

Hic's post a couple of pages back about inviting the dogs sorry, furbabies to a soft play centre has actually ended me. Grin Grin Grin

BathshebaDarkstone · 15/03/2016 10:02

YANBU. I'd leave it, if she doesn't want to leave her dogs, she doesn't have to come.

Original poster
DillyDingDillyDong · 15/03/2016 10:23

New post on Facebook!

"Ordered my boys some presents for Saturday. They're both getting a new collar and lead for the walk and some goodies for after the walk. So excited to see them open them!'

I'm so tempted to post a status about all the presents we've bought for DS and how excited I am to see him open them. But I won't.

OP posts:
Original poster
DillyDingDillyDong · 15/03/2016 10:25

Does this mean she's going to wrap them up for them to open them? Shock

OP posts:
londonrach · 15/03/2016 10:26

Dilly..just enjoy her fb pages, and keep us informed. Each post shows her more batty. No need to respond. If you doing photos on fb one photo of birthday boy with his cake on the day only. Grin

StrictlyMumDancing · 15/03/2016 10:26

It does sound like SIL is trying to keep her place as attention centre of the family. Its so sad when adults try to compete with kids.

Just after I let my sister know I was pregnant with DC1 she bought two puppies. Every time DM would mention how excited she was to finally have GC on the way, sister would off the wall mentally say 'you have GC already - the dogs'. DM, who only ever calls sister out when she's gone on a rampage of batshit crazy (and sometimes not even then), withdrew away from me.

DF thankfully picked up that DM suddenly wasn't even discussing her impending GC and sister was suddenly the cat who got the cream. Despite having always been a dog lover of furbaby proportions, DF told her to lay the eff off DM, the dogs are not their GC and that even he didn't want the dogs around at the same time as soon to arrive DC.

The dogs were summarily dumped a few months later. Angry

AnnaMarlowe · 15/03/2016 10:26

Oh my.

Original poster
DillyDingDillyDong · 15/03/2016 10:30

London I'm just amused by her posts now and wondering if she realises how ridiculous they make her look.

Strictly that sounds so familiar. Where did the dogs go?

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 15/03/2016 10:33

Um..dogs really don't give a shit about new collars. Really.

But can you commend and ask for a photo of the wrapping paper, and is she writing them cards as well?

NeedACleverNN · 15/03/2016 10:33

My goodness she really has the "look at me" type thing going on hasn't she?

Bad enough she can't come to the party because of the mutts but they now need presents to make up for it? Hmm

Right o

Fuzz01 · 15/03/2016 10:34

Dear god she can't bear not being the centre of attention can she? Can be someone be so self absorbed! I would of said didn't realise it was the boya birthday too.

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