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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL and Dogs!

527 replies

DillyDingDillyDong · 14/03/2016 11:17

NC for this. Not sure if this is more of a WWYD or possibly just a rant!

It's DS's birthday on Friday and we're having a little party in our house on Saturday. There will be about 20 adults and ten children from 1-8.

SIL doesn't have any children, quite often makes a point of saying she doesn't want any, but has two dogs. She text DH last night to see if we needed her to bring anything and DH asked if she could pick a cake up from Costco on the way to save us doing it on Friday. She replied saying that she wouldn't have room in the car for the cake with the dogs being in there.

DH replied asking why the dogs would be in the car and she replied saying that she wouldn't be able to leave them at home for the few hours she is out at the party.

DH ended up calling her up and telling her that the dogs wouldn't be able to come, she then went on to say how the weekend is her time with the dogs and she doesn't want to leave them. She also knows that we've recently had our garden done and so said it would be really nice for them to be able to play outside. He just repeated that the dogs weren't able to come as we are possibly getting a bouncy castle on the day(our friend owns one and can give it to us last minute) if the weather is ok. She accused him of making this up and that he should have made it clear the invite wasn't for the whole family before saying that if her dogs went welcome then she wouldn't be comings do then hung up. DH was just in shock and we couldn't think of anything else to say to her. If she wants to miss her nephews first birthday because she can't leave the dogs for four hours at the most despite leaving them from half seven to half seven every day at work then it's up to her.

She text me earlier to ask if DH had told me what she had said. I replied and said he had and that it was a shame for her to miss the party but the dogs can't come and we had assumed that she would have known that. She replied saying it was a shame that we didn't recognise that the dogs are part of her family. I said that I know she cares about her dogs but this is a child's party and we don't want them here for it. She has just replied with this text

"I feel like you don't realise how important they are to me. They are my family, my babies. I would never not invite DS to my house or say he wasn't welcome or suggest you leave him at home or with a sitter. I'm not going to come on Saturday. I haven't seen DSsince Christmas and was looking forward to it but it's unfair to ask me to give up time with the boys when I get to spend so little time with them as it is."

I am sat here just in disbelief. I don't even know what to say to her.

I know I'm not being unreasonable not inviting the dogs to my house. I just have no idea where to go with this now. DH is in a meeting until one so I can't even call him to tell him what's been said. My jaw is aching from my face just being like this Shock for the last ten minutes! She's always been very precious about the dogs and didn't come to a Christmas Eve thing at our old flat because we didn't have space for the dogs and all the presents were out under the tree etc. But I thought she would be a bit more reasonable about leaving them for a few hours to see DS.

Does anyone have any advice please?!

OP posts:
maamalady · 14/03/2016 17:51

This is just too funny. SIL is clearly barmy and well past the point of listening to reason. OP's other friends and family, on the hand, sound amazing Grin

Any more FB comments from SIL/MIL, OP?

leelu66 · 14/03/2016 17:54

This woman has shown your SIL the proper response to a 1 year old's birthday party invite. And shown her up subtly.

DartmoorDoughnut · 14/03/2016 18:05

This is the thread that just keeps on giving Grin

Your sis and friend are fantastic, pure genius on the FB comments! Is your SIL's BF still coming to the party?!

Waltermittythesequel · 14/03/2016 18:06

Do you think SIL will think you're getting them to post these responses?

I can only imagine the shit storm it will cause!

HicDraconis · 14/03/2016 18:09

I adore my dogs. They are my extra babies, they are very much a part of our family and where possible they go everywhere with us (school run, family camping trips, etc).

If we have a children's party here I crate them for the duration with kongs, treats, puzzle balls and blankets. They'd love playing with lots of children but many children don't like dogs and a child's party is for children first. My dogs are my 3rd and 4th children but they are dogs not people! If I'd crate them for a party at their own home I would never take them to a party in someone else's - I'd never assume they would be invited or welcome.

Would your SiL insist her dogs be allowed in a soft play centre too? Or would she accept that a soft play place was for human children only and not include dogs? In which case she is perfectly capable of making the distinction, she is just choosing not to.

Your SiL is being ridiculous if for one moment she seriously thought her dogs would be ok at a party of one year olds. Particularly as she seems to have crated your baby previously (OK, isolated in travel cot but similar situation) in case the dogs were grabbed or upset. What does she think will happen at your party - children in play pens while the dogs run around? She's either completely batshit, or she knows exactly what she's doing and she's picking her fights to keep herself in the centre of family events - even ones that would not normally have her central to the picture.

theclick · 14/03/2016 18:16

I have a friend who is like this about her dog. You just have to agree to disagree. Agree with you that it's crazy she's missing her nephew's bday because of this but tbh having experienced similar outbursts from my friend, I'm not surprised.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 14/03/2016 18:19

I love my dog, but I wouldn't trust her at a toddler's birthday party! She would likely eat all the chocolate and raisins she could find and then keel over.

She'd also get over excited and I'd spend the whole time worried she was going to knock a small child over. It would be no fun at all.

No one assumes a birthday invitation includes their dogs. Especially when they've previously put off bringing their dogs round due to garden safety concerns.

This is sadly all about taking the focus off ds. It's very sad that she feels she needs to do that. In some ways all the comments on Facebook are feeding her drama, and making it all worthwhile.

Hopefully she'll come to her senses at some point.

All the miscarriage comments were vile.

Have a lovely birthday party.

BorderTerrierControl · 14/03/2016 18:25

D'you know I caught myself saying "who's my little angel, then?" to my scruffy shitbag of a terrier the other day, and momentarily worried if I was tipping over to becoming one of those Crazy FurBaby Ladies. All the warning signs are there- single, childless, dog tags along with me to most places.

Fortunately, it was just the wine talking.

Next time I'm worried I'm slipping into furbaby territory I can just look up this thread, and be reassured. Because there is only one fucking crazy woman out there that thinks her dog deserves a go on the bouncy castle, and it isn't me. Thank you, OP.

ElementaryMyDear · 14/03/2016 18:30

what has she really done wrong except choose not to attend a birthday party for a child who won't remember the party or who was there

But she didn't, zeezeek!! She assumed she could bring the dogs without asking and without apparently wondering for a moment whether it would be sensible given that the party would have loads of over-excited small children charging around. Then when that didn't work she tried to get it moved to her mother's house so she could take the dog there.

Anniegetyourgun · 14/03/2016 18:33

Ahem, excuse me, dogs are people, or at least some of them are. My dear old doberman was totally a person.

But they are not human people. It's not doing them any favours to treat them as if they were. (Or vice versa. Is there any chance at all she was not entirely serious about the baby training whistle? It's probably just as well she's acquired "furbabies" instead of the normal kind...)

Roussette · 14/03/2016 18:41

I like this thread.

There are some very sensible dog lovers on here Smile unlike OP's SIL

Atenco · 14/03/2016 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YellowTulips · 14/03/2016 19:04

Ok I'll start with the fact that I don't like dogs as a disclaimer.

However that aside, if as a parent if I took my 1 year old child to a party and found 2 dogs were expected to "join in" I'd simply pick him up and walk away.

It's totally unreasonable and even dangerous to expect the parents/children being invited to be exposed to unknown animals.

SIL can't possibly know how the dogs will react to such a large gathering.

They may be her "babies" and whilst I appreciate people are very close to their pets and view them as family they do not "top trump" the safety of children.

She's not batshit - she's totally and utterly selfish, unthinking and stupid.

Roseberrry · 14/03/2016 19:33

Oh I do feel for her. I know she's been horribly insensitive to you but I can't help but like the crazy ones.

There's obviously something else behind this that you don't know about, she's not behaving rationally at all.

Roseberrry · 14/03/2016 19:34

Also fwiw some children do respond well to dog training. It's worked wonders on my ds! Grin

amarmai · 14/03/2016 19:43

i think the dogs are being used to make some point-maybe that sil does not like you or her db? She seems to be trying to win something-but what? She says she may come to your party after the walk-with her dogs? Can your dsis head this one off at the pass? Why did you mil book a photographer in December for your ds's party altho you declined having it at her house. Maybe the whole event was planned and being looked forward to by mil, sil and 2 dogs at mil's house and your getting a new larger house threw it all up in the air , so this caffuffle is intended to restore their original plan? They sound pretty tricky but after this amazing mn posting , you will recognize future underhanded plans and be able to stomp on them before they grow too big.Have a great 1st Bday party,op.

problembottom · 14/03/2016 20:04

This thread is brilliant. She sounds bonkers.

We hosted a BBQ for 40 friends last summer and naively put all pets welcome on the invite. A labradoodle pup arrived with the first guest, ran inside and scoffed a load of posh artisanal pork pies DP had bought. DP's face was brilliant. Then two French Bulldogs chased our very pissed off cat around the garden. Oh and a very naughty Maltese terrier bit one of our neighbour's legs!

Never again!!!

wheresthel1ght · 14/03/2016 20:04

I am in awe of you sister/DH's bff wife...utter genius!

My mother is very similar to your sil about her dogs - mine get left frequently and whilst the odd book/dd toy has been chewed they have survived!

And we have had both dd's birthday parties at our house and our dog spent the time in her cage in the garage. She is lovely and entirely trustworthy with dd and both my dscs however a house full of over excited sugar crazed kids would be sheer torture for her. Inflicting that amount of chaos on me on her would be cruel and she, like any over stimulated being nice could snap. I would never forgive myself so I remove her from the situation. Simple.

Sil is batshit crazy!

lorelei9 · 14/03/2016 20:09

OP much as this thread has humour in it, I wonder if SIL is quite well?

JolseBaby · 14/03/2016 20:19

She sounds like a bloody loon. I don't have DC, I do have dogs. I love my dogs very much. I bloody hate the term 'furbabies' because it makes me feel stabby. Whilst I might say to them 'Mummy loves you very much', I don't actually think that I am their Mother!

I wouldn't dream of taking my dogs to anyone's house or gathering uninvited. Mind you they are lazy buggers so are quite happy snoozing on the sofa when I'm not here.

Moving15 · 14/03/2016 20:25

Yanbu. She is fixated on her dogs and has lost the plot. Obviously you can't relent but perhaps you could smooth the way forward by saying something along the lines of... I am so sorry we are unable to allow the dogs to come to the children's party and we are very sad you won't be joining us. We hope to see you and the dogs soon, perhaps we can meet at x location for a walk and pub lunch when it is a bit warmer? Much love from all of us particularly ds.

One small positive is that your dh holds the same position. Imagine if you disagreed over this one lol

itshappenedagain · 14/03/2016 20:50

I feel your pain! At least you have done advanced warning. A relative of mine just turned up with hers at my dd party we have 20+ children aged 8 and under, plus about the same amount of adults. Kids all started screaming as dog went in bouncy castle and promptly took a pee. Snapped at me when I tried to get him off the bouncy castle. She was told to clean it up and go. Her reply my poor baby not being invited. i could have screamed!

Dollymixtureyumyum · 14/03/2016 20:53

Hmmmmm she replied to your sister she might bob in on her way back from the walk when the party has died down. I would watch out for her turning up in the middle of the party saying "oh I thought it would have died down by now". From what you have said on here she is the type to do this just to prove a point. Hope I am wrong OP

Ohfourfoxache · 14/03/2016 20:59

Classics. Please, classics Grin

PovertyPain · 14/03/2016 21:05

Tbf I may have to turn down a wedding invite to Spain if my old boy is still around. He's nearly 16 and blind and I know he wouldn't cope with anyone else as he was a wreak when I was hardly home while nursing my husband in the hospice. However, he was my dh's dog so has a special place in mine and my children's hearts.

I can however give you an even more bonkers selfish bastard of a relative, who thought bringing his pissing pup to my house on the day my husband's body was being brought home for his wake, would cheer everyone up. Confused When told it would be inappropriate, answered "sure Poverty has dogs". Dick head! Angry Oops, is my resentment showing.

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