SIL and Dogs!

[DillyDingDillyDong]

NC for this. Not sure if this is more of a WWYD or possibly just a rant!

It's DS's birthday on Friday and we're having a little party in our house on Saturday. There will be about 20 adults and ten children from 1-8.

SIL doesn't have any children, quite often makes a point of saying she doesn't want any, but has two dogs. She text DH last night to see if we needed her to bring anything and DH asked if she could pick a cake up from Costco on the way to save us doing it on Friday. She replied saying that she wouldn't have room in the car for the cake with the dogs being in there.

DH replied asking why the dogs would be in the car and she replied saying that she wouldn't be able to leave them at home for the few hours she is out at the party.

DH ended up calling her up and telling her that the dogs wouldn't be able to come, she then went on to say how the weekend is her time with the dogs and she doesn't want to leave them. She also knows that we've recently had our garden done and so said it would be really nice for them to be able to play outside. He just repeated that the dogs weren't able to come as we are possibly getting a bouncy castle on the day(our friend owns one and can give it to us last minute) if the weather is ok. She accused him of making this up and that he should have made it clear the invite wasn't for the whole family before saying that if her dogs went welcome then she wouldn't be comings do then hung up. DH was just in shock and we couldn't think of anything else to say to her. If she wants to miss her nephews first birthday because she can't leave the dogs for four hours at the most despite leaving them from half seven to half seven every day at work then it's up to her.

She text me earlier to ask if DH had told me what she had said. I replied and said he had and that it was a shame for her to miss the party but the dogs can't come and we had assumed that she would have known that. She replied saying it was a shame that we didn't recognise that the dogs are part of her family. I said that I know she cares about her dogs but this is a child's party and we don't want them here for it. She has just replied with this text

"I feel like you don't realise how important they are to me. They are my family, my babies. I would never not invite DS to my house or say he wasn't welcome or suggest you leave him at home or with a sitter. I'm not going to come on Saturday. I haven't seen DSsince Christmas and was looking forward to it but it's unfair to ask me to give up time with the boys when I get to spend so little time with them as it is."

I am sat here just in disbelief. I don't even know what to say to her.

I know I'm not being unreasonable not inviting the dogs to my house. I just have no idea where to go with this now. DH is in a meeting until one so I can't even call him to tell him what's been said. My jaw is aching from my face just being like this for the last ten minutes! She's always been very precious about the dogs and didn't come to a Christmas Eve thing at our old flat because we didn't have space for the dogs and all the presents were out under the tree etc. But I thought she would be a bit more reasonable about leaving them for a few hours to see DS.

Does anyone have any advice please?!

But zeezeek

There's politely declining because you would rather walk the dogs than go to a birthday party and there's creating a fuss and getting your mother involved because two mutts are not allowed to go

zee - I think 'cruel' and 'unfeeling' is better directed to the SIL. It doesn't matter if the child will or won't remember, it's a massive 2 fingered salute to her sister and family. They'll remember.

Wow.

We've got a couple of clients in our doggy daycare business who are frankly a bit too invested in their dogs, but your SIL really does take it to a whole new level!

"Yes, I know what she said about the OP following a MC is completely wrong and unjustified, but take that away and what has she really done wrong except choose not to attend a birthday party for a child who won't remember the party or who was there. Personally I'd prefer to take my dogs for a walk than spend an afternoon with hoardes of screaming kids too"

If it was as simple as that, I don't think there would be an issue - it's the fact that she's pretty much demanded that her dogs be allowed to attend, thrown a massive strop because they aren't, and moaned to her mother who's suggested a change in venue to facilitate the dogs' attendance!

If it was me, I'd get the husband to look after our dog whilst I attend a family party. For weddings, our precious furry boy (PFB :D) goes into dog home boarding for a day and overnight stay.

I tend to agree with zeezeek and hesterton.

If I were the OP I would be careful not to be seen to criticise the SIL and then incur the wrath of MIL and be painted as the baddie. Let SIL exclude herself while OP says as little as possible.

Are the furbabies called Lol and Hun?

Dogs and children don't mix, simple as that.

Just tell her that, dogs could be harassed, child could get bitten and you not putting either in that position

Well I have had a couple of threads on Ils and their dog. The most bizarre and insensitive time was mil birthday cake (big birthday) just after our ddog has to be put to sleep very young. Not content with missing out the real dgc- bil had commissioned a cake with a picture of their other dgs aka as his dog who lives with pil!

DH 's best friend's wife has now got involved! They live about an hours drive and have a dog but will still be coming on Saturday.

"We were going to go on this walk but then realised it clashed with the birthday party. I'm taking the dog in the morning for a long walk and we should be gone for about five or six hours so they'll be ready for another when we get back. [Her DH] is going to walk her then so I can fill up on jelly and cake! We're sad to miss this walk but too excited to see everyone on Saturday, let me know the details and we'll sponsor you."

How much did you pay her to say that Dilly?

This thread just keeps on giving...

Aw such a shame she's going to have to miss every birthday party. What with soft play centres when young. Then moving onto the activity stuff like bowling, ice skating, thomas land.

I am a cow though and I would start planning parties for the next 10 years all involving spaces where dogs are not allowed. After all it's what the birthday child wants lol.

Even random visits, the dog would be banned. My house my rules.

Anyone else want to know which FB page to read?

You bunch of utter shit stirrers!

I want to live near you

Every so often there is a thread that has me hooked. Hasn't been one for while.

Thanks OP, this is pure gold.

PS your sister is awesome.

Surely I cannot be the only one going through their FB to see if they know the SIL? lol

Gosh the thread has really moved on since I commented this morning.

OP, your SIL does sound very intense about her dogs and was really horrible to you abut your miscarriage. I don't condone that at all.

But to those who said that people and dogs don't mix and thinking I was weird or the SIL (obviously not, I said I have cats!) there are people with young children and dogs who all hang out together in a happy group. That's not my family but I do know people like that and try to accommodate them as long as the dogs are well controlled and safe with children.

I don't think it has to be all or nothing. I can see the dogs attending a party like this successfully although it's the OP's choice whether to invite them. Maybe when the kids are older a dog friendly party in a large garden would be an option.

Even the friendliest child friendly dog would be out of place at a children's party because of unknown variables.

There could be a guest who is frightened of dogs.

The dog could have an earache that day which has been missed and not picked up until a child touches it which could be a disaster.

There could be an argument over food

Dogs and parties don't mix.

Just ... this Dogs and parties don't mix. for all the points given above.

Very, very foolish to assume that a placid dog can tolerate small beings screaming and running around, no matter how well behaved they are.

My mum and dad are a bit like this re their dh although not quite so extreme.often we tell them the dog isn't able to come to a certain event.( like watching the DD's play football a dogs aren't allowed on the school grounds) and they frequently just ignore us.its embarrassing and I find it to be very rude.and also pointless as the dog is fine to be left. ( I look after it when they are on holiday and. Work all day-it's never died in the 7 hours I've been out of the house!)
I think you just need to leave it now. She will never see reason, so you'd be eating your breath.

Their dog! Not their dh!

I feel like I should round up some toddlers to take on this dog walk.

Cos toddlers = dogs right? they are entirely interchangeable in the SIL universe

I have a dog and quite happily leave her for a few hours to go to parties etc, occasionally we take her but only if they have dogs etc and have invited her. I love her, have no children yet but she isn't a child she is a dog so is treated like one.

Wow, she's bonkers.

I love my dogs but would never take them anywhere they weren't welcome. My two previous dogs weren't allowed at my brothers house as SiL and nephew were a bit nervous of them, fair enough. I now have a smaller, friendlier dog and the dog is welcome but I waited until she was invited rather than just assume she could come.

Dog still isn't allowed at MILs due to the cat. So dog comes with us and has to stay in the car. It means we can't go in the summer but can when its cooler, we only stay about 4 hours in the house due to it been quite a long drive and I always nip out halfway and walk the dog. Not a great day for her but it's only a couple of times a year and I wouldn't have a tantrum about not been allowed, nor would I refuse to go.