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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL and Dogs!

527 replies

DillyDingDillyDong · 14/03/2016 11:17

NC for this. Not sure if this is more of a WWYD or possibly just a rant!

It's DS's birthday on Friday and we're having a little party in our house on Saturday. There will be about 20 adults and ten children from 1-8.

SIL doesn't have any children, quite often makes a point of saying she doesn't want any, but has two dogs. She text DH last night to see if we needed her to bring anything and DH asked if she could pick a cake up from Costco on the way to save us doing it on Friday. She replied saying that she wouldn't have room in the car for the cake with the dogs being in there.

DH replied asking why the dogs would be in the car and she replied saying that she wouldn't be able to leave them at home for the few hours she is out at the party.

DH ended up calling her up and telling her that the dogs wouldn't be able to come, she then went on to say how the weekend is her time with the dogs and she doesn't want to leave them. She also knows that we've recently had our garden done and so said it would be really nice for them to be able to play outside. He just repeated that the dogs weren't able to come as we are possibly getting a bouncy castle on the day(our friend owns one and can give it to us last minute) if the weather is ok. She accused him of making this up and that he should have made it clear the invite wasn't for the whole family before saying that if her dogs went welcome then she wouldn't be comings do then hung up. DH was just in shock and we couldn't think of anything else to say to her. If she wants to miss her nephews first birthday because she can't leave the dogs for four hours at the most despite leaving them from half seven to half seven every day at work then it's up to her.

She text me earlier to ask if DH had told me what she had said. I replied and said he had and that it was a shame for her to miss the party but the dogs can't come and we had assumed that she would have known that. She replied saying it was a shame that we didn't recognise that the dogs are part of her family. I said that I know she cares about her dogs but this is a child's party and we don't want them here for it. She has just replied with this text

"I feel like you don't realise how important they are to me. They are my family, my babies. I would never not invite DS to my house or say he wasn't welcome or suggest you leave him at home or with a sitter. I'm not going to come on Saturday. I haven't seen DSsince Christmas and was looking forward to it but it's unfair to ask me to give up time with the boys when I get to spend so little time with them as it is."

I am sat here just in disbelief. I don't even know what to say to her.

I know I'm not being unreasonable not inviting the dogs to my house. I just have no idea where to go with this now. DH is in a meeting until one so I can't even call him to tell him what's been said. My jaw is aching from my face just being like this Shock for the last ten minutes! She's always been very precious about the dogs and didn't come to a Christmas Eve thing at our old flat because we didn't have space for the dogs and all the presents were out under the tree etc. But I thought she would be a bit more reasonable about leaving them for a few hours to see DS.

Does anyone have any advice please?!

OP posts:
Roussette · 14/03/2016 16:12

Yes to mutts! Grin Grin

PhoenixReisling · 14/03/2016 16:18
Grin

Place marking!

dilly dsis.....you rock

ElementaryMyDear · 14/03/2016 16:20

I don't understand what difference it would make to change the location - there will still be the same people invited.

I suspect that in MiL's and SiL's minds, if the party is hosted at MiL's house then MiL gets to dictate who attends and what happens. If that means all the child guests being in playpens and travel cots in the interests of the dog guests, so be it.

NeedACleverNN · 14/03/2016 16:21

MIL can say my house and I want the dogs here I suppose

Twirlywoooo · 14/03/2016 16:22

Loving this thread. Your sister rocks. Your SIL however sounds batshit.

ElementaryMyDear · 14/03/2016 16:25

I am seriously fascinated by the thinking processes involved in being so adamantly anti children that you will let a relationship break up over it, but then insisting that everyone views your dogs as your children.

TattyCat · 14/03/2016 16:27

Dogs (and unfamiliar ones at that) are at their most dangerous when in the company of screaming and excited children. Most dogs will not react but even a good one may find it intolerable, so these two things together are absolutely a no-no.

It's stupid people like your sil who will, after a tragic event happens, say "oh but they're usually so good and well behaved". Stupid really doesn't cover putting dogs into that scenario.

I love dogs, truly, truly love them, but I also know that you can never, ever trust a dog 100%, depending on the circumstances you put them in.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/03/2016 16:27

This is hilarious!

Your sil is clearly bonkers.

stiffstink · 14/03/2016 16:27

Elementary yes, it just moves the problem elsewhere, although SIL doesn't seem to see the problem of mixing dogs, small children and a bouncy castle. Weirdos.

Fuzz01 · 14/03/2016 16:28

I sincerely hope people are actively liking your sisters comments. Hopefully she might see how ridicilous she is being and leave her 'boys/furbabies' at home. Either way shes shown herself up to be a self centre dimwitted idiot by even posting those replys.

NeedACleverNN · 14/03/2016 16:30

We will be attending baby dillys party...

Me, dh, ds and Dd.

Plus the fish.

They require pure spring water in a large tank. Plus can you make sure it's on a wagon so that I can show them everything?

Kids are not allowed to look at them though as it distresses them so they will of course need to be penned up with a bit of black out material around the pen

Cheers

Roussette · 14/03/2016 16:31

MIL can say my house and I want the dogs here I suppose

No, she can't! What about the parents of the little boy, do they not have a say in what sort of birthday party they want for their son?!

Strokethefurrywall · 14/03/2016 16:33

Ahhhh this thread gives me a happy glow.

NeedACleverNN · 14/03/2016 16:34

No, she can't! What about the parents of the little boy, do they not have a say in what sort of birthday party they want for their son?!

That is what I meant by mil wanting it at her home!

It was a reply to the I don't see how the venue matters comment

goodolenc · 14/03/2016 16:36

love it when people get their come tuppence Grin

Roussette · 14/03/2016 16:42

Ooops sorry Need, read it wrong! not unusual

NeedACleverNN · 14/03/2016 16:42

No worries, easy to get lost when it's fast moving Wink

leelu66 · 14/03/2016 16:44

love it when people get their come tuppence Grin

lol, is 'come tuppence' even worse than 'come uppance' Grin

BloodyPlantagenets · 14/03/2016 16:45

It's a bloody good thing you asked her to get the cake or she would have just turned up with the dogs in tow.

coconutpie · 14/03/2016 16:45

Your SIL is being fucking ridiculous!!! And MIL is too to pander to this shite. As for her comments at Christmas and comparing life with a newborn to her dogs ... And then suggesting you train your baby with a whistle, she really is batshit crazy. I would distance myself from her to be honest, she sounds awful.

MrsJorahMormont · 14/03/2016 16:51

You know, there was a danger this was going to be one of those threads that just fizzle out but your SIL is the gift that keeps on giving :o

zeezeek · 14/03/2016 16:52

I can see how this women may be coming across as batshit crazy and even found myself (who has on occasion admitted that I prefer my dogs to my own children) cringing at her responses on Facebook. However, there is clearly something very wrong in her life and it does seem as if it is related to pregnancy and children - in the years before I had mine and when i was almost pretty damn sure I was infertile I told everyone, including my husband, that I absolutely didn't want children. When I absolutely did want them. It was just easier that way.

So with that in mind, along with the deep and abiding love that I do have for my dogs (known as the girls and the boy though not the dreaded fur babies) I do understand why they are important to her and why she enjoys spending time with them - dogs are fabulous company, so happy and excited and give so much joy - and I also want to spend my weekends with mine and the kids too if I absolutely have to.

Anyway, some of the responses on here are cruel and unfeeling and I'm not really sure what this woman has done to piss you all off so much. Yes, I know what she said about the OP following a MC is completely wrong and unjustified, but take that away and what has she really done wrong except choose not to attend a birthday party for a child who won't remember the party or who was there. Personally I'd prefer to take my dogs for a walk than spend an afternoon with hoardes of screaming kids too.

MrsJorahMormont · 14/03/2016 16:52

(Seriously though her comments on your baby loss deserved an actual slap in the face Thanks )

MetalMidget · 14/03/2016 16:53

I'm now wondering how many of the indignant 'my child wasn't invited to this party' threads were made by dog owners talking about their pooches! :D

hesterton · 14/03/2016 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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