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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Racist boy in ds cricket team

64 replies

DadThatKeepsCalm1 · 13/03/2016 14:24

Ds joined a local cricket club In September and has had no problems and has got along well with everyone except this boy who has been unfriendly and hostile and tried to exclude ds from the team. He is also the team captain.

Yesterday was a big game for the team and unfortunately they lost. Ds was caught out quickly and so could not get as many points for the team as he usually does. He was not the only player that did not do as well.

So at the end of the match when the team were changing, the captain said to another boy, "it was that fucking paki's fault. This although not said to ds was said loudly to make sure dss heard what was said.

Ds asked the boy to not refer to him by that word and the boy responded to him "don't talk to me you Muslim paki". Ds said "you can't use them words why are you being racist, what did I do to you". The boy said you lost us the match, what are you going to do blow yourself up".

So ds came home and spoke to me about the incident and I called to couch who said they would speak to the boy and to others in the team and investigate what happened before they punish or remove anyone from the team.

The trouble is the boy is intimidating and popular among the team. That is why no one challenged him in the changing rooms because they are fearful of him.

After the boy left a number of boys asked ds if he was okay and said the boy was out of order.

Aibu to think that the boy will deny and the other boys will defend him for the sake of not getting on his bad side. Ain't to think it would be a better idea for ds to join another team.

OP posts:
Original poster
DadThatKeepsCalm1 · 13/03/2016 14:25

I forgot to mention ds is the only non white boy in the team.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/03/2016 14:27

How awful! I would hope that the coach will do a thorough job with his investigation and that the racist bully will be punished. Wouldn't you be jumping the gun to move your son before any of this has happened?

grannytomine · 13/03/2016 14:30

How old are they? That sort of talk will get him into big trouble, you could report him for a hate crime.

Naicehamshop · 13/03/2016 14:31

Wait for the coach to investigate before you do anything - he may deal with it well. If not then I would raise hell. Shock

Balletgirlmum · 13/03/2016 14:31

Assuming that the team is part of a cricket/league regulatory body I would put in a formal complaint there should be a complaints policy either in the website or in any of your registration info.

A friend is involved in junior cricket, I can ask her advice if you like (she's in a mixed marriage with two boys who play so will be sympathetic to your situation)

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 13/03/2016 14:32

Id call the coach and make it clear that you consider it a hate crime and you will go above him if its not dealt with.

If he palms you off go higher and go loudly.

Terribleknitter · 13/03/2016 14:33

The coach should come down heavily on this boy, DH is a cricket coach and would go sky high if anyone on his team said anything like that!
If you don't get a satisfactory result from the coach then I would consider taking it to the club committee or the league the club belongs to.
The club committee should have a disciplinary code available in the constitution which should cover all instances of abusive behaviour.

Terribleknitter · 13/03/2016 14:34

Should say, if the local league gets an inkling of any type of abusive behaviour from any player or member they can come down very heavily on the club.

Original poster
DadThatKeepsCalm1 · 13/03/2016 14:35

I don't think I would report it to police because I don't think it is fair for the boy in question to have a record for the rest of his life. I think it is better to be resolved by the coach he is going to get back to me later. I think the boy should be removed from the team.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/03/2016 14:40

Aibu to think that the boy will deny and the other boys will defend him for the sake of not getting on his bad side. Ain't to think it would be a better idea for ds to join another team.

I'd wait and see.

I think it depends entirely on the coach's handling of this.

I know if this had happened in my DS's school for example, the kids would have been taken aside individually and asked to write statements.

Hopefully the coach will know how to get to the truth.

Terribleknitter · 13/03/2016 14:41

I'm sure in our club a junior player was suspended for verbal abuse a couple of years ago. Not cut completely but definitely served a period of suspension. I'll have to ask DH when he gets back. See what the coach says then consider taking it higher.
Does the club have a ClubMark certificate anywhere would you know? Inclusion is a huge part of that and it wouldn't look good if racism had been reported...
(Years of being involved with cricket clubs has taught me one thing - it's better and quicker to appeal to their sense of 'how will it look to other clubs/the league?' And possibly 'how much would we get fined?' The risk of the club getting hit in the wallet or the pride tends to get results..)

minionsrule · 13/03/2016 14:43

OP can I ask a few questions

  • how old is your ds
  • what country are you in
  • is this league or county/district
cricketballs · 13/03/2016 14:51

Every ECB registered cricket club have to gave a welfare officer and a strict policy re abusive behaviour. Op, you need to report this to your coach/manager and welfare officer

Haffdonga · 13/03/2016 14:53

How horrible Sad

How old are they?

I don't know the ins and outs of cricket associations but I hope you are able to get this taken extremely seriously and that the coach doesn't try to smooth it over for the sake of keeping his captain. I agree that the racist boy should be banned or at least temporarily suspended for a good long time pending a very very sincere public apology by this kid in front of his team mates.

It has to be seen very clearly by all the other watching boys that this is not tolerable.

If you get a hint of the coach trying to cover it up then ask him how you make a formal complaint and mention the police. Good luck. (would you let us know how you get on?)

originalmavis · 13/03/2016 15:00

How old and is this in a league? How bloody awful.

GabiSolis · 13/03/2016 15:01

Anything short of that boy being removed permanently from the team would result in my taking it further personally. My niece is mixed race and had something similar happen a few years ago. I can't remember the exact outcome but but I don't think the child in question was on the team for much longer (not sure if she was removed or left of her own accord iyswim).

CheckpointCharlie2 · 13/03/2016 15:04

YY what cricketballs said, welfare officer. I am a welfare officer at my cricket club and would certainly deal with this situation rapidly, not acceptable at all.

There will be a poster or something in the clubhouse telling you who the welfare officer is.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2016 15:09

Outrageous. Do people still use such language in this day and age? How very fucking backward, to say nothing of obviously racist and bigoted and probably illegal.

Now you've reported it to the coach, wait and see what happens, and if you don't get a satisfactory outcome from there, then go to the cricket association, or whatever it is. This sort of thing should not be allowed to go unchecked, however good or big this racist boy is.

And no, I don't think you should move your DS to another team just because of this one backward thinking person.

theycallmemellojello · 13/03/2016 15:11

How horrible, your poor DS. I think that if the boys do lie for the captain, then your DS can't remain on the team - what a horrible atmosphere that would be. But hopefully they won't be so craven.

theycallmemellojello · 13/03/2016 15:12

Agree with Gabi on taking it further regardless (but I'd still find a new team in those circs)

IJustLostTheGame · 13/03/2016 15:16

Unbelievable.
I would take it up with the coach immediately.
Your poor ds

GooseberryRoolz · 13/03/2016 15:22

How old are they?

Purplepicnic · 13/03/2016 15:26

I would wait and see how the coach handles it before doing anything else.

minionsrule · 13/03/2016 15:26

OP please tell us how old ds is and what country you are in

Doobydoo · 13/03/2016 15:38

It is a shame the other boys didnt challenge the racist....people power. My ds when in 1st year of secondary stood up for his friend even when no one else did. Ds and friend never bothered again by this boy.I hope you get it sorted.