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AIBU?

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Original poster

Racist boy in ds cricket team

64 replies

DadThatKeepsCalm1 · 13/03/2016 14:24

Ds joined a local cricket club In September and has had no problems and has got along well with everyone except this boy who has been unfriendly and hostile and tried to exclude ds from the team. He is also the team captain.

Yesterday was a big game for the team and unfortunately they lost. Ds was caught out quickly and so could not get as many points for the team as he usually does. He was not the only player that did not do as well.

So at the end of the match when the team were changing, the captain said to another boy, "it was that fucking paki's fault. This although not said to ds was said loudly to make sure dss heard what was said.

Ds asked the boy to not refer to him by that word and the boy responded to him "don't talk to me you Muslim paki". Ds said "you can't use them words why are you being racist, what did I do to you". The boy said you lost us the match, what are you going to do blow yourself up".

So ds came home and spoke to me about the incident and I called to couch who said they would speak to the boy and to others in the team and investigate what happened before they punish or remove anyone from the team.

The trouble is the boy is intimidating and popular among the team. That is why no one challenged him in the changing rooms because they are fearful of him.

After the boy left a number of boys asked ds if he was okay and said the boy was out of order.

Aibu to think that the boy will deny and the other boys will defend him for the sake of not getting on his bad side. Ain't to think it would be a better idea for ds to join another team.

OP posts:
PirateSmile · 13/03/2016 15:42

Which cricket team starts playing in September? Are you abroad or are these games part of nets?

Original poster
DadThatKeepsCalm1 · 13/03/2016 15:44

My son is 17, we are in the UK. The coach has called up and the boy has admitted to using racist language. The boy wants to apologise to ds. The coach says that he is going to give a 2 month ban to the boy and if it happens again straight out ban.

The coach also wanted me to ask ds if he thinks the punishment is adequate, he said that he thought it was enough.

The team does not have a welfare officer, it is not a professional club, just a coach and they use the local village cricket pitch. Most of the boys do it for the fun and do not treat it as serious but the captain does.

I think that it has been dealt with properly.

OP posts:
GabiSolis · 13/03/2016 15:47

Hmmm. I would be wary of blindly accepting 'if it happens again straight out ban'. I would clarify with the coach that that includes any bullying behaviour, not just that of a racist nature.

GabiSolis · 13/03/2016 15:47

And I would monitor the apology.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2016 15:48

I think a 2 month suspension (presumably), an apology to your DS and a warning that he will be banned if he does it again is probably adequate BUT I would also have liked the coach to remove his captaincy, as the captain is the leader of the team, and this sort of behaviour is unworthy of leaders.

But I guess that might happen by default if he's out of the game for 2m anyway, they'll have to have another captain while he's out.

PirateSmile · 13/03/2016 15:49

When did the coach tell you about the ban? In the time between your first and last post? Confused

originalmavis · 13/03/2016 15:50

I would want a suspension - this isn't kid, he is old enough to know what he is saying. He doesn't deserve to be captain either - the team are supposed to look up to him.

playitagainsally · 13/03/2016 15:52

Sounds like the coach has taken it seriously, but a 2 month ban will only take him until May so he might not lose the Captaincy.
Presumably that 2 months includes nets/training as well as games?

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell · 13/03/2016 15:53

17?!!! Jesus I thought you were going to say 8 or something.

You may not wish to report this to the police, but the club should. He chose to be racist on 3 occasions. It's disgusting. A 2 month ban means he will be playing again by mid-May. I think he should be out for a year and the police should have this noted. What if he does it again to another person who is not able to speak up for themselves? Your poor son having to hear that.

SalemSaberhagen · 13/03/2016 15:54

I've never known a cricket club to play over winter.

minionsrule · 13/03/2016 15:55

Our cricket team hasn't even registered to play yet this year, we start in April, certainly haven't had any 'important games' even though we have been doing winter nets since season ended last year. Cricket season usually starts when football season ends, meh maybe it is different for 17 year olds

Coconutty · 13/03/2016 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SalemSaberhagen · 13/03/2016 15:57

It isn't minions. Cricket just isn't played over winter. Think of how many get rained off in July, winter games would never happen!

maydancer · 13/03/2016 15:58

Lots of clubs train in sports centre nets over the winter

SalemSaberhagen · 13/03/2016 15:59

Yeah but OP is talking about a big game yesterday.

Haffdonga · 13/03/2016 16:00

Oh dear.

MistressDeeCee · 13/03/2016 16:04

Fair enough if you think the punishment is adequate OP. But in your shoes Id expect the captaincy be removed from this unpleasant young man. He is hardly displaying leadership qualities anyway. Maybe discuss this particular aspect with your DS and see what he thinks? Hope your DS is feeling ok now (well as ok as you can be following disgusting racist abuse) its brilliant that he can openly talk to you about it and you will back him up

Coconutty · 13/03/2016 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZanyMobster · 13/03/2016 16:12

We play indoor cricket leagues all winter and have a big game today for 1 of our age groups.

Terribleknitter · 13/03/2016 16:13

I know of at least one league who starts very early on and quite a few friendlies going on over the next couple of weeks, including one I'm playing in next weekend. It's feasible.

Trollicking · 13/03/2016 16:13

OP could be overseas?

I think it's been dealt with well and I'd be happy with the outcome.

Valentine2 · 13/03/2016 16:13

Number 1: i think it does not give the right message to your DS if he has to go and the racist stays. It's not right. So hang in there and make the coach deal with it. Be the backbone of your son all this time as he is going to face some time at the hands of this player.

Number 2: Teach your sons about some of the great legends of "paki" cricket history so he could respond a a bit sarcastically or something because it could be that once this guy is ridiculed this way, it might teach him to keep his language under control for the fear of embarrassment in front of his whole team.

ZanyMobster · 13/03/2016 16:14

The indoor leagues play all winter all over the country so definitely feasible.

Valentine2 · 13/03/2016 16:15

Just read your second post about what the coach did. That is appropriate and hope all goes well from here.

PestilentialCat · 13/03/2016 16:17

I'd want him to lose the captaincy too, but feel that the coach has dealt with it pretty well so far. I'm glad some of the other boys thought he was out of order & supported your son afterwards. Shame they couldn't stand up to the bully directly though - he sounds deeply unpleasant.

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