AIBU to think this cut, on my son's leg, is bad enough to not do PE? *pic*

[WoodieBec]

Hi all, I never use this site, I just occasionally come on and nose. However, I'm now looking for some advice on this situation...

My son is 12 (Yr 8) he's a good kid and rarely gets into trouble at school. I must admit, I do write his PE teacher a note, when it's rugby, so he can be excused (I say his asthma is worse when he plays contact sport) and the only reason I do that, is because he is very self-conscious of his height (he's probably one of the shortest in his year) and therefore, hates rugby because the taller children are too rough. It hasn't been an issue.

Around a week ago, he had an accident while playing outside with his friends. It was stupidity, but he has learnt from it (he was trying to climb some old fence). Anyway, he had a good amount of stitches and is having to use crutches.

He had PE a few days ago, and I didn't even think of sending him in with a note - it was obvious he had an injury... In all fairness, that's my poor lack of judgement. When my son said to his teacher he didn't have a note, when he asked, he was told to 'go and get changed then'. It was obvious that it was a stupid request, he is on crutches and cannot put weight on his leg. He said that he can't and that they should phone me, they didn't phone me. His teacher also said that if he didn't get changed, he would have to go to isolation. My son has always said that he never wants that on his record because he wants to be Yr 8 council rep. and they normally don't let you if you have gone there/had a detention, etc.

He decided to get changed (he had to use one of their kits, as his was at home due to him thinking he wasn't going to need it). My son was made to use his crutches all the way on to the top field, no, he didn't have to end up doing whatever sport they were doing, but he was still made to get changed and go to the top field in his crutches, where the grass was muddy and wet. AIBU to think this isn't on?

Four issues.

1. Rugby should not be compulsory and I believe a group of doctors has started a campaign to that effect due to the injuries they see on a regular basis. When ds broke his nose playing the doctor who attended him told dh and I categorically that he had forbidden his teenage sons from playing due to the injuries he regularly saw. DS played 1st XV btw so we have no axe to grind here.

1. Walking on crutches is hard at the best of times, let alone across a muddy field for a lad who is possibly not the best co-ordinated. Standing in a PE kit and not participating is miserable, chills to the bone and makes individuals more prone to picking up viral infections.

1. It doesn't sound as if your lad is much trouble - he isn't a rufty tufty sporty type and not everyone is. Unfortunately that's the type PE teachers detest.

1. The teacher completely lacked empathy and common sense and should have exercised some regardless of the fact that your son bunks of PE whenever possible. The PE teacher is the adult and the professional in the relationship and on this occasion has put personal opinion and prejudice above the needs of the child.

Write to the Head OP and ask also about the school's policy on inclusion in games and making them positive for all and inspiring a love of healthy living in young people rather than competitive games. I bunked off sport at school because I hated it, was probably mildly dyspraxic, the PE teacher hated me. It hasn't made me any less successful in life at all - in fact I'm probably rather more successful than many of the competitive sporty types. My dd was the same as me - school pe/sport knocked the confidence out of her - she has joined a new school for 6th form and has done yoga, pilates and swimming so far - all things she is comfortable with - and she's joined a gym. A year ago one of her criteria for choosing a 6th form was non compulsory sport. The way the school approaches it clearly makes a huge difference.

Can't people see that it was nonsense o make him change? What on earth is the point in it, bar it being a control thing on behalf of the teacher? And that goes for all teachers who would make a child get changed into kits when they aren't participating - what a waste of time!

And making a child on crutches change is even more so. The injury and crutches would make getting changed a much longer process to start with, and potentially painful too.

And fwiw I've been a secondary school teacher for several years and still work in schools now. And yes, some teachers would see this as a control thing 'just because they can.' Unfortunately some pe teachers revel in this kind of thing.

A leg like that should be on a comfy, clean pillow, and it's owner should be furnished with comics and hot chocolate.
Not out in a muddy field.

That teacher needs sorting out. Ridiculous and cruel.

Okay so the teacher was being ott and your child should have been excused from pe for the obvious injury he has.

But...I'm a bit pissed at you for playing on his asthma to get him out of rugby. People massively underestimate asthma and how serious it can be. By repeatedly excusing him using it you are minimising it for other children. Teachers are not stupid, they will know you are both pulling a fast one.

I had silent asthma as a child and it was never understood how uncontrolled and dangerous it was, my pe teachers would and did push me to the point of attack before they finally started to listen to me and what I could and couldn't do.

Agree with felicity

PE teachers are a strange breed IME.
DD had a badly sprained wrist, bandaged up with tubigrip by the nurse at the walk in centre with instructions to rest it and return a week later. I sent her in to school with a note.

The PE teacher removed the tubigrip, ignored the note and made her play netball.

I was NOT impressed.

Ime pupils get changed for pe and watch if they're unable to join in, so that situation seems normal to me.

If your ds is at a major size advantage for rugby, and gains no enjoyment from playing, I would continue to write him a note. I think that's kind and protective. Wish my parents would have listened to my concerns re certain sports and helped me to be excused from those lessons. I don't see any short or long term disadvantage from missing playing rugby aged 12.

So yabu and yanbu respectively.

No way! I would have been straight on the phone the next morning to complain. How ridiculous.

I don't get the needing to change part, because we don't change for PE lessons here, but even if he is not actively participating in the sport, he would still need to attend the lesson with his class. There is no alternate supervision organised for students who are not playing. They would be expected to do some sort of participation from the sidelines, such as scorekeeping, timing, etc. A certain amount of PE is mandated, and the student needs to be involved in the lesson in some way.

Any student here that has asthma is on an asthma management plan, which sets out what they can and can't do. Saying that his asthma only plays up during rugby is pretty silly, it's not sport specific, you're excuses are pretty obvious. You would be expected to see your doctor and go through the management plan process here, not just keep writing a letter for him to get a free pass to do nothing.

My DC's school has this ridiculous policy of getting changed even if not doing PE. Either, they should go and watch without getting changed (what is the point of that?) or go to the library.

My very tiny son plays rugby, he is the smallest in the year by far but he enjoys it, I don't enjoy him playing it quite so much. Rugby should never be compulsory I agree. My son has a butt load of confidence but my other tiny son would have hated to play it due to his height and slight build.

I soon learnt how to forge my dad's signature to get out of so many PE lessons so I understand how horrible PE can be for some children so I don't blame the OP for getting her son out of rugby. As for it not being a good life lesson, well as an adult there is plenty of stuff I won't do because I don't enjoy it or because it's too difficult for me, I don't see why the son's OP has to play the game just to teach him a life lesson.

YANBU op.

So, by the logic of this thread, if someone commits a crime (not taking a note) but there are serious mitigating circumstances they should be punished for all previous suspected crimes for which there is only circumstantial evidence even if they haven't done anything that has harmed any third parties at all.

Goodness if that's how schools are run and expected to run that's pretty frightening in a supposedly civilised society.

Personally I think mandatory PE in schools should be banned in its current form. For the majority of young people other ways of getting fit are preferable: walking, gym (at own pace), free swimming, pilates, yoga, tai chi, etc.

Is he usually a special snowflake?

Oh god, I really hate that term, it's SO loaded and condescending.

The teacher was being horrible, and abused his position of power.

But you are doing your son no favours by allowing to opt out of things he finds hard or doesn't enjoy. I suspect your mollycoddling has annoyed the teacher previously which may have contributed to his actions.

He didn't make him participate, it's not an issue.
You are taking the piss with the rugby letters and doing your son no favours, btw. I bet you've been mentioned as one of 'those' parents in the staff room. Seriously, stop being ridiculous.

What is one of those parents tiggery? Is it the ones who care and take an interest perhaps? If I feel there is a significant issue that needs to be raised I've no problem with being "one of those" parents. Far better that than the parent who doesn't give a monkeys about the education of my child although I do fully accept that those sorts of parents cause minimal grief because their expectations in relation to the professionalism of the staff tends to be quite low. And I doubt they ever look at the results of the school and question them.

My DH is quite small. He played very serious semi-professional rugby in his late teens/early twenties.

Stop interfering with that.

As to the injury - the PE teacher was being ridiculous.

Did the teacher look at the stitches? Have to say the fact that your son is on crutches would be enough for me. Though it does depend on what they were doing in PE. Even if not taking part, your son could listen to the instruction and skills being taught for use when he is back fit.

The PE teacher should have used some common sense and not made him get changed. I can see why some schools do it some of the time to make it not particularly worth a fiddler's effort, but not appropriate with that kind of genuine injury.

I also don't see the issue with excusing him from rugby. DS1 plays rugby every week with the rugby club, but I've always excused him from it at school. It's bloody dangerous the way the PE teacher deals with it. There's no accounting for the fact the boys are at very different stages and strength and the amount of boys injured playing rugby at their school is nonsense. I'm not prepared for him to miss important lessons like Maths and English to play a dangerous game with poor supervision. I don't think contact rugby should be compulsory at school.

No way should he have to do PE with that but I do think he should be there witnessing the lesson from the sidelines, wrapped up warm if outside. You can still learn without taking part physically, just as we all do by spectating tennis or football. At my school, children who forget swimming kit have to sit by the poolside and watch the lesson, listen and watch the stroke skills being taught. It's not a wasted lesson.

I too would like to know what "one of those parents is".

It's funny because I've worked in many schools and nurseries and have never ever heard teachers in the staff room talking about "one of those parents".

Why not just use this experience as a lesson learned that ALL excusing from activities need a letter from the parent? Faking it on crutches might be well- known in PE circles! As soon as the teacher saw the stitches he/she knew that it was a real injury and acted accordingly, probably just wondering why there was no note from home on this ocassion.

1. Sending a fake note in is ridiculous and has done neither you nor your son any favours.

1. He DIDN'T do PE. He watched from the sidelines.

1. His teacher needed to make sure he was adequately supervised with no warning at all, so gave him the option of going to the isolation room. Your son declined. The teacher had no choice but to keep him out on the field with the rest of the class.

1. Getting changed even if not participating is standard. You'd be pissed off if his uniform got wet and muddy and he then had to wear wet muddy clothes for the rest of the day.

What is one of those parents tiggery? Is it the ones who care and take an interest perhaps?

I imagine that it is one of Those who lie about their child being too ill to do something because they actually think they are too delicate to deal with it. If you regularly say your child can't do X because Y when it isn't really true, you do run the risk of never being believed.