Midwife with cold hands.

[MouldyPeach]

I had dd3 at home on Tuesday, I had a sudden and unassisted birth so by time the midwives got there she was already over an hour old.
When it came time to do the newborn checks the hands of the midwife who did it were *freezing. dd was screeching and I took her off the mw and asked that she warned her hands up. My dp also pointed out that her hands were white compared to the rest of her arms which she got quite huffy about.

Was I U to have stopped the examination and ask her to warm her hands? AIBU to expect mw's and others doing skin-touching examinations to not have hands to rival Elsa fromFrozen??

First of all congratulations on your new baby

But I'm afraid to say that yes, YABU. Cold hands won't hurt your baby, for the sake of a few minutes you are being very precious.

I'm quite interested that there's such a thing as pre-Reynaud's as I suspect I might have it! Thank you Rae! YANB totally U OP but the woman probably can't help it. My hands are always freezing too. They're great to have as a threat over DH - 'the fear of the icy hands of doom' :o

Bit harsh libitina. Most of the things on aibu could be shown to be petty, or whatever, in comparison to what others are going through in similar circumstances.

You were rude. Your husband was even ruder. You're well suited at least.

I have to agree with the others, OP. You and your DH were very rude to the midwife.

I think you should read up on raynauds before you start spouting wrong information about how you guess she doesn't had reynauds as her hands pinked and warmed up after a cup of tea. how the hell would you know?

It can be a debilitating condition in its severe form, if she had it it's not a simple case of warm your hands up.

I get some people don't like the idea of cold hands but yours and dp's reaction was ignorant and insulting.

but still didn't want my baby screaming at cold hands.

Newborns scream. It's how they get air into their lungs.

Although if you're right, and babies only scream because they're being held with cold hands I think you could write a bestselling babywhisperer book.
Page 1
Warm up your hands.
The end.

Yabu. And utterly ridiculous.

Bit harsh libitina. Most of the things on aibu could be shown to be petty, or whatever, in comparison to what others are going through in similar circumstances.

I disagree that I was harsh. I'm sure that puddle was almost as cold as the midwives hands.

Ooh I'm surprised to be having to go against the grain here. That baby had been warm inside of you for 9months and had only been born for an hour or so, presumably in skin-to-skin or wrapped up well. It must have been quite traumatic to be exposed and prodded with very cold hands, I would have been cross too and I'm on my fourth baby.

Did you not have any warm water for the midwife to wash her hands before checking a newborn.
Amazed you didn't call an ambulance anyway if you had a sudden birth

YABU. I have Raynauds. There's very little I can do to prevent my fingers going white. The briefest exposure to something cold can trigger it. Even with my sheepskin gloves on it happens regularly. I wish I could "just warm them up"!

Imagine you have just given birth, alone with no mw. Your baby is new and warm and you are feeling a fierce rush of love and protection towards her. The first time she screams is because of a stranger's cold hands, could you honestly feel nothing?
I'm not saying I/we were not unreasonable, I'm just saying I still don't really feel I was and wanted to gather other opinions.
I'm sorry I don't care for the mws feelings more than I want to protect my own baby. Newborns do not screech to 'fill their lungs with air', the do it to alert their parent to their discomfort.
This was the wrong place to ask, I see that now. I wasn't expecting to be told I was right or wrong, I honestly didn't know what the general feeling on it was. Not just about babies but adult patients too, the elderly especially.

As for the comparison to not having to wash my baby in a puddle...

Many babies are having extremely painful and intrusive interventions straight after birth. You are being ridiculous the more I think about it

It must have been quite traumatic to be exposed and prodded with very cold hands, I would have been cross too and I'm on my fourth baby.

What's the point of being cross with someone about something they can't help?

Babies cry when held by another person other than their mum as has been said before, if the mw's hands were warm she most likely would still have cried.
I can see why you feel this way though as I obsessed and overthought everything so soon after having a baby, its probably hormonal.

I haven't heard the 'screaming is good for their lungs' thing in a while, it's amazing how these old bits of utter bullshit nonsense persist

OP, I can understand you being a bit upset, it's never nice to see your baby distressed. But really it was extremely rude of your DP to comment on the colour of the MW's hands like that. If she does have a medical condition she may be very self-conscious about it. I'd try to forget about it now, it's really very minor in the grand scheme of things. Congratulations on your new bab.

What's to say your baby wouldn't have cried even if the midwives hands were warm?

Although I agree the babies crying is good for their lungs thing is a load of bollocks.

Fact is though that sometimes babies cry no matter what you do and for the sake of a routine examination which would have taken no longer than a couple of minutes you and your dp were being very rude.

YANBU.

It's not that hard to run your hands under a warm tap for a minute to warm your hands up a bit. Poor little newborn, nice and cosy in the womb for 9 months then poked around with freezing cold hands. Why not be as gentle as possible?

Of course a new mum wants to protect her newborn from every discomfort as much as she can.

"Traumatic" OP, really? Both my babies screamed when weighed/checked over after birth, they weren't cold (very warm hospital!), they would just have rather been snuggled up with mum. But the checks take seconds, and don't "traumatise"!

Cold hands were neither here nor there, you should have let her get on with it and the checks would have been over and done with quicker. Very rude of your DH to comment on her personal appearance too.

Yanbu. I have raynauds and try not to inflict my cold hands on others! My hands take a while to warm up but it can be done with warm water etc. Maybe she was in a hurry. I wasn't happy when a mw did my dd's heel prick test without warming her foot up first. I did ask her to and she said it would be fine and then she couldn't get blood out easily while dd screamed her head off. Also ds had to go on a heated mattress and I don't think it helped that he was washed etc before being wrapped up.
Congratulations!

I have no
Words.

Congratulations on your baby. Be thankful you have the NHS.

It's not that hard to run your hands under a warm tap for a minute to warm your hands up a bit

I take it you don't suffer from Raynauds yourself then? Running my hands under a warm tap for a minute wouldn't make a blind bit of difference. It takes quite a long time for them to warm up once they've gone white.

Good grief. Exactly what ubik1 said.