Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want friends Mum to come away with us?

53 replies

SimonLeBonOnAndOn · 12/03/2016 14:14

I have 3 friends, we are all pretty close, although I am probably closer to and B than C.
We go away for weekends a few times a year and have a good time, all get on, easy company.
This summer we have a long weekend planned, and were chatting abou where to go.
C then says that her Mum has asked if she can come.

Am I awful for not wanting to go if her Mum comes.
I know her Mum and like her but I don't want to spend a weekend with her.
If her Mum comes I'll feel obliged to ask my Mum, which changes the whole weekend.
C sees her Mum a lot and they spend every holiday away together.
Friends A and B have said they don't mind, although would rather she didn't come.

So AIBU for saying that I won't go if Cs mum comes too?

OP posts:
Fishface77 · 12/03/2016 14:16

Explain that if her mum comes then yours will want to come and it will change the dynamics so you'd rather keep it just your "group".

VertigoNun · 12/03/2016 14:19

If you would feel the same about A or B bring their Mum then say something. I guess you don't want c there either.

TrappedInAWitchesCurse · 12/03/2016 14:21

That is weird. YANBU. What did you say when she mentioned it?

2rebecca · 12/03/2016 14:22

You just say that no you would rather she didn't come as it's meant to be a group of friends going away, not a group of friends and their relatives. Suggest she takes her mum away another time if she feels she wants to spend more time with her mum.

acasualobserver · 12/03/2016 14:25

Friends A and B have said they don't mind, although would rather she didn't come.

So they actually do mind. Like you, they need to speak up.

iyamehooru · 12/03/2016 14:27

Just be honest and say no you all want it just to be you four as otherwise it gets complicated.

Original poster
SimonLeBonOnAndOn · 12/03/2016 14:28

When she said it I said something like, that means I'd have to ask my mum, and I don't really want to take mine.
No one else said anything.
Then I thought maybe I was being mean.
A and B def don't want to bring their mums.

OP posts:
Janecc · 12/03/2016 14:30

This is all sounding very polite. A mother is a mother. Not a friend. And yes, she may want to come along especially if she is lonely. You have the right to refuse. C already goes away with her mother and possibly sees it as no biggie. The mother is in a completely different stage in life and you probably won't be able to let your hair down in the same way however broad minded this lady is. Perhaps you could suggest you all go out somewhere for the day/evening sometime soon to brook the disappointment? If these friends truly love and respect you, it will be a non issue.

Original poster
SimonLeBonOnAndOn · 12/03/2016 14:31

Yes janecc that sounds very sensible, thanks.

OP posts:
TrappedInAWitchesCurse · 12/03/2016 14:49

Do you know if C has actually asked her mum yet? Maybe she will have got the hint when you said about not wanting to ask your mum. And anyway, maybe C's mum won't want to come. There's probably another thread somewhere: AIBU to say no to a weekend away with my DD and her friends?!
But you probably do have to say something, just so you are all clear: no mums!

MrsJayy · 12/03/2016 14:57

Is her mum elderly ? Maybe she doesnt want to leave her

Ginkypig · 12/03/2016 15:15

The reasons why c wants to bring her mum don't matter.

If none of the rest of you want family there then that's all there is to it. It like one of you say I want to bring my 8y old dd/ds. It adds an unwanted dynamic. (If it's meant to be ano kids affair)

4 close friends having a catch up private weekend together is not the same as a family getaway with each other in my opinion.

MrsJayy · 12/03/2016 15:18

You are right the Op and friends should just say no its a friends weekend.

rollonthesummer · 12/03/2016 15:19

I think it's quite rude to impose her mum on the rest of you, actually-it puts you all in an uncomfortable position.

Surely she can go away with her mum another time?!

CarbonEmittingPenguin · 12/03/2016 15:20

I think you should bite the bullet and say you'd rather just a friends weekend. You're clearly not alone in wanting that as the others have expressed.

TheBouquets · 12/03/2016 15:22

?Has Mum C recently been ill or bereaved? Why is this year different? I think a weekend with friends could be one thing and C could maybe have another weekend alone with her and M.

GabiSolis · 12/03/2016 15:25

If the mum has asked if she can go on holiday with her daughter and her friend, you have to assume she's probably quite lonely. That doesn't mean you have to acquiesce btw, but it doesn't hurt to be sensitive. I think you've done well with your response OP. If nothing is already booked, could you maybe say to your friend that you understand if she wants to go away with her mum instead of you? She has a choice then. But no way would I agree to someone's mum coming on a friend's holiday.

Original poster
SimonLeBonOnAndOn · 12/03/2016 15:35

No Cs mum is fit and well.
No issues, isn't lonely and has a good social life.

According to C her mum asked her if she could come with us.

I like spending time with my friends, I like spending time with my Mum. Just not at the same time!

Really appreciate everyone's perspective.
Will just have to say to C I guess.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/03/2016 15:40

I just don't understand how C's mum can't see that it's completely inappropriate to try to come on holiday with you all. It changes the whole dynamic of the holiday and, of course, it means she'll feel free to come with you every other time, too.

2rebecca · 12/03/2016 16:05

I don't see saying no to C as a big thing if her mum is fit and active. I think C has a bit of a cheek asking you all in the first place. She should have just said no to her mum when she asked not put the decision on to you. It should seem obvious that adults don't bring their mummies with them on a night out.
I don't ask my student son if I can tag along when he goes out with his mates and would expect him to laugh at me and tell me no if I asked.

2rebecca · 12/03/2016 16:08

Long weekend not night out, I think someone mentioned a night out and I got confused. A whloe weekend with someone's mum sounds far too much. She isn't part of your group.

Roussette · 12/03/2016 16:27

Cis Mum needs to get a life. I wouldn't dream of doing this, is she holding her DD to ransom in some way... why on earth is she asking to come? If she isn't ill/lonely and without issues, she must just be selfish I guess.

Besides which I wouldn't want to go away with my DCs and their friends, I'd feel out of place.

Roussette · 12/03/2016 16:28

Ooops pressed post too soon.

OP just say NO I don't fancy it, sorry, let me know when you want a weekend away with just us

MrsJayy · 12/03/2016 16:40

Oh gawd if she is fit healthy she is a cool mum and wants to be 1 of the girls eek

Roussette · 12/03/2016 16:46

Maybe I'm biaised. I don't get Mums going on their daughters hen dos either. I love my daughters to bits and vice versa, we are very close indeed, but no way would I want to go on their hen dos and I've told them and they say "don't worry Mum, we won't be asking you!!"

I want them to be able to be themselves and enjoy their friends without me there!

I can't think of anything worse than gatecrashing my DDs friendships and weekends away.