To wish someone cared?

[elementofsurprise]

I'm the only one who stands up for me or thinks i'm worth anything. I tried to reach out to a friend for support on FB - someone who has previously been shocked a stuff I've been through and been positive about me - and they blanked me. I don't understand this. The evidence suggests no-one can care about me, and if they do it's a mistake. I have been through stuff I can't deal with. I feel dirty and used and frightened. But I am always treated like I am bad and wrong and overreacting if I need support - I am treated differently from others. I have posted here before about my appalling expereinces within the MH system and how I can't get any help or support (have tried private too, but therapist "dumped" me, saying I was too fucked up basiclly, and needed more support - I cannot afford what I apprently need privately).

I try so hard to keep going every day but it's only me on my side and I just wish there was someone there who would give me a hug and not think I'm a bad person or expect things of me and be disappointed with me. It would help bear the pain so much. Is it wrong to wish someone cared? Am I bad? I don't need anyone to do anything, just care, maybe listen sometimes. But people just want to give me self-help tips - I have these coming out my ears. I'd just like someone to not have a vague or overt disaproval of me, or blaming me. Someone who just says "gosh, that must be hard, you poor thing". Someone rooting for me, and who doesn't act like I've done something wrong if I'm hurting. Am I bad for this? Is it wrong?

Op I know where you're coming from, but in all honesty there is only one way to solve the problem of you wanting someone to rely on & then being disappointed when they let you down. And that's stop relying on people for support. You have to rely on yourself if nobody else is trustworthy. If someone then comes into your life and proves they can be relied on, fantastic. But I'm telling you from experience wanting it, & expecting it will only make you worse if it's not there. And in the nicest way, being overly emotionally needy isn't the way to foster a strong relationship. You need the strength there first to take the strain it puts on the other person. Depression isn't only tough for the one with it, it's tough and draining for anyone supporting you too.

You also don't know what's going on in the other persons head. In the past I've been on the receiving end of somebody else's emotional dependency, people who aren't close enough to know my history and therefore expected me to prop them up, when it was actually taking everything I had to prop myself up. And sorry to say I did start blanking them and ditched them. Nothing personal but if you're drowning yourself, if somebody grabs your ankle kicking them off is pure survival.

op like it or not you are coming across as very angry and frustrated you are clearly unwell

please seek help,but alas i dont think you will as you seem very un-trustng of doctors etc

It's not unreasonable at all to want care and love from our fellow human beings.

Many people can be frightened, however, of having that importance placed upon them (suddenly, or gradually) by someone who is struggling badly. Sometimes it's a fear that they will fail in giving what is needed and they end up withdrawing at the moment when they are needed the most. Ironically this is to try to save themselves from being in that position of responsibility for someones mental health which you describe, OP.

OP.

Let this bloke fade away.

I went to the gp on friday, have also spoken to the crisis team. if i seem un trusting of drs thats because they haven't helped/have made things worse. I have been back time and time again trying to get some help, some therapy etc.

lurked i wasnt being dependent on him though - i just wanted a chat with a friend. It wsnt a big regular thing or anything.

And I have always tried to solve everything myself. I always try to make evrything better and keep going just me. I feel like a shit and worthless burden. i just needed a friend, clealry i shouldnt have. yet if i posted how i felt here peope would have said oh is there a friend you can talk to! Im not emotionally needy i pretend im fine to people so they still like me! and i hide a lot when i cant please them.

god people are readin all sorts of shite into this.
i have been going downhill for weeks. I normally struggle through everyday alone, try to prtend im fine to everyone. I thought aving a good chat with a friend rather than reahing crisis point and injuring myself was the right thing to do. So i asked someone i've known years and trusted if they would have time over the next few weeks. I dont think thats overly needy tbh. and if it is, clearly im just shit. clearly unlike everyone else i should be fine with no human to ever give a fuck about me, i should juts swrve others s i was brought up t, have no needs myself , fucking die if i can please u all.

*This guy is carrying on going to work as normal, posting bits and bobs on facebook etc - nothing so horrific has happened to him that he can't, in 2.5 weeks, send a message saying "sorry, a lot going on here"

That tells you fuck all. I have gone to work, posted bits and bobs on Facebook and have been really struggling with something.

You are just making assumptions. Maybe he can't talk about it but life has to carry on, he has to go to work and he is perfectly entitled to not to tell the world what is going on.

Leave this poor guy alone

i tried to get help with it all when i was a fucking tennager and they said i ws a waste of space! they actually said it. nurses. i not like others im supposed to be hurt by everyone

i have tried again and again alone since teenager years! other pepel ome to me with their problems and i try to help them but have big stuff and am expected to hide it

organon you can say whatever u like, id not be nasty enough to blank someone clearly struggling! if u can go to work u can send a quick message saying loads is going on. its cruel othrwies

nice to know im viewed as a shitty burden though, that really helps. id never treat someone the way ive been treated, but apparently im a bad person whos wrong for needing a friend once in a wile!

Im so confused organon... you'r posting HERE. surely if a friend messaged asking if u had time to chat at some point in the nxet few weeks, ypud be able to reply? especially if u knw they might be really suffering? im so confused, i dont understand, its frightening me, the world doesnt make sense, doesnt add up

I find it very difficult to believe any medical professionals told you you were "a waste of space". Your posts are angry and irrational and AIBU is not an appropriate forum for someone with your issues. I think you need to step away from the internet and try the Samaritans.

im so confused when ur depressed they say oh u just feel like everyone woud be better wothout you, but really tehy would! im a bad peron im not like the pthrs

none of the rules make sense, none of it mkes sense, m frightene, they destiny to die i tried to run but cant hide!

someon on phone

they diid captain, in 2004/5.was awful. they dont now

pain. frightened. not angry. angry better than resignd

u can go to work u can send a quick message saying loads is going on. its cruel othrwies

There you go making assumptions again

Sometimes even sending a quick message is too much

If he is already at breaking point, he can't send you a message. Despite what you think you can be at breaking point and still go to work. I have because it is not an option to lose my job.

You seriously need to stop thinking about the guy

Agee with CaptainCrunch call the Samaritans now

element I am sorry you feel so crap.
YANBU to want someone to care for you, but like a pp, I have also been on some of your previous threads. You have had lots of advice but you seem to reject it. Your posts become more erratic and nothing ever gets resolved. In fact, a lot of your threads get deleted.

I hope you find some help

element you've taken it the wrong way. I don't mean rely on yourself in a 'pull your socks up and mh disappears' way. I mean from the pov that if you're in the position where you can't rely on anyone, placing false hope on it, and focusing so much energy on it isn't good for you. If the only person you can trust is yourself, then unfortunately you have no choice but to find a way to cope. That's shit, and miserable and lonely, but at least doesn't lead to disappointment. Nobody should have to, but the reality is some people are in that position.

And by overly needy, I don't mean it as a criticism or that your need isn't understandably in line with your mental health. I mean it in the simplest sense, because when one person needs to off load on the other because of an ongoing mh problem the emotional dependency stops being equal and is overly one way.

I also do understand why you're responding to posts the way you are, and suspect that you do the same in rl. But not everyone does understand the real reasons for it. Some people in rl will mistakenly see it as attention seeking or a victim complex and treat you accordingly. Others may correctly recognise it's a symptom of your illness, but be in a place with their own issues that means they aren't up to supporting you too. And it becomes a vicious circle, the more you crave the safety of someone to depend on, the more you'll push them away and so on.

I'd get this moved to the health boards OP, AIBU is absolutely not the place for a vulnerable, upset and poorly person to ask for kindness.

AIBU is an unkind place where people gather to blow off steam and have a legitimate rant when saying the same would hurt other people in real life.

This is sort of what I was saying in my (long!) post earlier. People that are hurting and desperate, and have had none of the love and compassion as a template for relationships... And that's talking about me not just pointing at you ... Well anyway, people who have had a shit time year after year after year, don't have the skills and mental model of healthy kind relationships, and although these are the people who most need support, don't know how and who to seek support from or who to form bonds with and support. We're also crap at being kind and supportive to ourselves.

I'd say posting on AIBU in desperate need is a good example of us not getting it right! not being mean or critiquing you when your down, but trying to get you to see a little bit why you need to be kind to yourself, and protect yourself, as a first step along the way to getting a better support network and a less hurty you.

Do you follow me? It's almost like you have to recognise that this is Utterly Shit, here and now, it's awful and it hurts so much. But it is possible to learn this stuff, and first you have to start with yourself.

wow genuine old friend (not one who blanked me) just called out of blue. Feel bit better. Very confused and befuddled nd tired thogh, not slept properly for ages.

feels like im fire-fighting always in my own head, cos i try to keep everything under wraps ad not let on im not ok or ask for help. Thats why i ask on here. So when i do ask and get a bad reaction its even worse cos its always when things have got really bad cos I dont ask before. And im still confused bout whether I should feel bad for needing support or not cos it makes me feel more hopeless and suicidal that i cant manage evrything myself and dont want to be a burden, but then people say "oh its the depression talking" but then the rules seem different for me. Not sure if that makes sense? I get confused bout whether i should feel bad about certain things basically.

And im still confused bout whether I should feel bad for needing support or not

No, you shouldn't feel bad. You haven't chosen to suffer from mental illness. Would you say to someone with a physical illness that they should feel bad for needing support? Or a friend with a mental illness?

what dat i dont reject advice. I get a lot of advice telling me to do stuff ive already tried though (or advice where people havent grasped the situation/i've not explined properly) - especially "seeking help" type stuff and people dont seem to grasp i have sought help for 5.5 yrs and the system will not help me! the CMHT round here is cut to the bone. I was promised therapy once but services got cut. Ive been on waiting lists for services that dont exist any more. Ive trie priavte therapy but therapist stopped seeing me and sent me back to my gp with a letter saying i needed serious intervention :( felt a bit fucked after that tbh

lurked thans for clarifying. I just feel like i always depend just on me though, i sought help/support recently cos my usual trying to hide everything and manage myself was breaking up, just curled up weeping for hours on end and just clearly not coping on any level. I thught seeking help then was the right thing to do, i didnt know what else to do cos just doing it alone wasnt working any more. Im so confused why people say to reach out for help and things like that, when in reality you have to just keep going on your own no matter how bad things get. I did go to GP but he cant make services help, sadly. Also they dont do 'support' or psychotherapy nymore so not sure what they could do. i dont understan why some people are 'allowed' to ask for help but others are seen as attention seeking. I feel very alone and frightened, like people will always think im bad no matter how much i explain the situation. whilst others can just ask for help and get it. very odd

Thanks Misc. But i am still dont know what to do when i have been trying to make i bettermyself and be ok myself for so long and hen it stops working and im not managing the basics anymore. Its all very well saying rely on myself but what when that doesnt work? i dont know anymore. sorry xx
oh i had another thred in mental health, got confused which ws which