to ask DH if he's been unfaithful?

[JustCleo]

I name changed and posted in relationships last night because I'm experiencing symptoms which could indicate an std. Apologies for TMI but I have lots of stretchy greeny yellow discharge, tummy pain, lower back pain, nausea and a fever on and off. I also need to wee lots and urgently and feel a bit burny down below. I saw the doctor this morning and he said it sounds likely to be chlamydia and that I need to make an appointment at the GUM clinic.

DH has form for being dishonest when caught out so I don't trust him 100%. When I was pregnant I accidentally saw he'd been watching porn. He'd always said he didn't like porn, never watched it etc. I checked his history and he was watching it and masterbating daily which had been negatively impacting our sex life but he'd still lied and continued to do so until I told him I'd checked his history.

I want to ask him outright if he's been unfaithful and if this could be chlamydia but I appreciate that completely demonstrates I don't trust him and could seriously damage the relationship if it turns out not to be. But I don't think I can wait for the appointment and remain in pain and seething without just saying something. Would I be unreasonable to ask him?

Wait until you you have the test results, and don't delay! If you have to go in with two toddlers it's a nuisance, but you should be treated right away, and it sounds like you're in a lot of discomfort anyway - look after yourself.

Then when you have the test results you can take it from there.

Ah, BUT - he could very easily turn this around on you, though.

You're the one with the STI. Who says you haven't cheated?

I presume you haven't cheated, or you wouldn't have posted, but he doesn't know that. How would you feel if he accused you? Cos that's how he will feel if you accuse him and he's innocent.

What if it is an STI, but it's one that has laid dormant for many years. It could pre-date your relationship. I would want to ask about that possibility, at the GUM clinic.

Good luck, it sounds horrible.

I was tested before our relationship so if I have anything it's definitely from him.

OP just take your DC and go and get tested!

take some toys or a coloring book and crayons, they will be fine.

I don't know why on MN people can't do things if they've got DC and no 'childcare' most people I know in real life take the children with them

Did the GP not examine and swab you OP?

I've had chlamydia and had no symptoms so don't bank on it "showing up 1-3 weeks after sex"
It sounds like a uti, I always get funny discharge, back pain and burny down there with a uti

OP- lying about watch porn, something about 90% of men do - and cheating are very very far apart. I hope it doesn't turn out to be a STD and he hasn't been cheating. This is the last worry you need in your pregnancy

Don't wait a week to get tested, go as soon as possible. And if that involves taking your kids, or saying to him "you need to have the kids for an hour", then do so.

Personally....I would take this slow.

I would get fully tested and get the results...if that confirmed an STI then I would do some digging and go through pockets, bank statements, phone and laptop to see what evidence existed.

That way I would probably have the evidence I needed and then, while he was at work, I would pack all of his personal belongings and put them in the front garden and get the locks changed.

If he has been cheating he'll deny it...so better to take some time and figure things out first before you ask.

Can you not buy self tests for chlamydia these days?

I would wait until you get tested and find out for sure, if it is a UTI you will feel pretty stupid for accusing your DH . Although, perhaps the real issue here is the distrust you have for him? It seems to me from your first post (I've been lazy and not read through all the posts) that you kind of expect him to cheat or to have cheated at some point.

Get yourself tested and treated ASAP

You really want to put up with pain etc for a whole week? Go now/ASAP! Poor you. And take care of yourself too x

In our county the sexual health clinic also runs in the evenings... Each night a town takes a turn.
Or the large hospital has a day which runs 8 to 9pm.

Personally I would mention I have been to the doctors and they want me to go to the gum clinic.

I would kind of laugh at how weird it is that they think I have an std, but I am going to just make sure and watch for his reaction.

He has between now and then to come clean. Honestly I wouldn't ask him out and out f he was cheating. Just because of my dh accused me, o would be very hurt. And if it turns out not to be an std it would be difficult to move past.

I cannot believe you would wait for a whole week before getting tested!!???

What would you do if you had an incredibly painful tooth abscess?

Just go and get tested. I agree with PP re telling him you have HIV cos I am an evil fucker

t believe you would wait for a whole week before getting tested!!???

I know right? Take the kids. Get a baby sitter. Tell him you need a medical appointment and he needs to take a morning off to watch the kids. Find an evening clinic. Get a friend to watch them.

Whatever. Get it sorted.

You were given exactly the same advice in the relationships thread the other day. What more is there to say?

Get tested and if you have something there is the proof.

Don't hang around posting this on different boards. Spend the time getting yourself tested! Like NOW. Then, when you have a diagnosis you can take the next logical step. Which might mean discussing infidelity. Or not, depending on the diagnosis!

I was tested during pregnancy as well due to being 24 at the time. Completely forgot about that.
Even if it isn't a STD is it worth staying in this relationship? It sounds very tense.

Oh, and grab a kit from Dr or pharmacy for Chlamydia, you can get them for free.

Personally I wouldn't accuse my husband without solid evidence.
I'd wait until I had the results of the test.
If you do have chlamydia then I'd tackle him, he can hardly deny it if you have proof.

Your symptoms sound like gonorrhoea, especially with the greeny discharge. Do go to get tested urgently, treatment is an antibiotic injection and tablet. Best to get diagnosed and treated today if possible, please don't wait a week to go. Once you get a check up and treatment, then deal with the emotional side of things, but look after your health in the first instance.

I agree with a pp tell him they are sending you to gum and say how daft it is since you were tested before him anyway but that gp has insisted ... Then let it sit with him.

You should be able to then read his reaction. Good luck.

Him watching porn doesn't mean he's been unfaithful, he's lied about porn watching which for me would be a major deal regarding my respect for him but I'd also try to hold my tongue, and wait and see what the results of the tests showed. Concrete information is always advisable with a liar.

I can't imagine not asking my DH in these circumstances. I'd expect him to ask me too. It doesn't have to be accusing.

Hope all's well and that you're feeling better soon.