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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my husband correct

233 replies

Catvsworld · 10/03/2016 22:00

We are currently get ting our kitchen done and choose a IKEA kitchen witch have tall deep units lovey

We brought the legs that go with the kitchen units however the builder had said they weren't very sturdy and brought standard legs with make the units about 5cm higher than the standard

My husband is making be feel awful and feel quite bullied by him o can't sit all day and watch the builder I have 3 children and in any case I no nothing about building work the first day when he set the leg on husband came home said there a it high then said no more more work was then done work tops now on sink in and yesterday he complained at me I

Then said do you want me to say somthing to the builder he kept changing his mind then said no

Now today's he's telling me we waisted 5 grand most likely devalued our home and now most of the works been completed there's not much that can be done
Really gets me the Kitchen has had the high legs for a few days and he should of said then

He keeps saying its looks strange because the dishwasher and washing machine don't sit flush under the work top
It looks a little night but tbh it's a good hight for me cooking and chopping ect

Apart from stressing me out what's the blinking point of saying now I am sure even as late as yesterday I could of said somthing to the builder but he told me not to and I no he's just going to keep moaning about it for years to come

I did say when we come to sell witch won't be for at least 10 years we can replace the kitchen as most of the cost this time was knocking out a wall and re jigging the way the kitchen was set up

Have we waisted the money is this a awful mistake

Please note were about half way through the build everything else is fine

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 11/03/2016 10:41

Well done, Lweji! I was wondering why there were lights in the floor, thought this was some funky kitchen design!

Catvsworld · 11/03/2016 10:42

I often watched those home renovations shows and wondered what the fuss was about tbh this experience has made me a little run down there is stuff everywhere this will be our 3rd weekend with no kitchen if he can't get everything pulled and and the legs re done today

We also. Have a baby Arriving in 3 weeks the stress is really bareing down on me

OP posts:
pengymum · 11/03/2016 10:44

Glad he's lowering it. But larders will need lowering if other units are lowered as otherwise they won't line up correctly.
Don't be worried about talking to builders/workmen. Be polite but firm. Is your kitchen & you're paying them to fit it to your requirements. Smile

Catvsworld · 11/03/2016 10:44

husband: I would tell him that he is being utterly ridiculous, it will not devalue the house and secondly that if he keeps treating you like this he will be able to find out how it has affected the price very soon during the divorce settlement.

lol that made me laugh

OP posts:
Justforthisfred · 11/03/2016 10:47

Cross posted with your updates.

Have you checked yourself that the amount it's being lowered by will bring it into legal requirements re the sockets? Because I don't trust your builder to know his arse from his elbow. Blaming the sparky is utter shite, he wasn't to know cowboy builder was going to put the benches higher than the standard height was he?! I can't be done with people who won't take responsibility for their own fuck ups, I don't trust them.

pengymum · 11/03/2016 10:50

All the best for the new arrival! You're doing amazingly! Star Flowers

Justforthisfred · 11/03/2016 10:51

...and you've got a baby due?

Oh for the love of God, your husband is a lucky fucker that he's not within strangling distance (of me) right now. What an utter cock womble. The way he treats you, it's mighty surprising he got close enough to you for that to happen.

Seriously, stop letting him treat you so badly 💐

HelloSunshine11 · 11/03/2016 10:54

Not read the whole thread but I'd get the builder to fix it and make them standard height. It won't be that big a job at this stage and if it's going to drive you mad then better to do it now before the tiles go on etc.

The ikea legs are absolutely fine, I don't know wtf he's talking about.

Catvsworld · 11/03/2016 10:57

Hi eveyone please don't get me wrong he's usually very nice but of these sort of issues he gets a bit Dickish

He wants me to be his mouth piece from work and I can't do that we had the same sort of issue when the car needed fixing came home every evening to a car quiz it was very stressful and now I won't do anything in regards to the car bar fill it with petrol and drive it

OP posts:
HelloSunshine11 · 11/03/2016 10:57

Just realised he's lowering them, that's good news! I couldn't leave it like that, it would drive me mad.

Hope your H bucks his ideas up.

Greengardenpixie · 11/03/2016 11:12

It looks ridiculous. Glad you are getting it sorted. Not only does the gap look stupid but it would catch all sorts of dirt and be unhygenic.

JamNan · 11/03/2016 11:30

I've not read all of the thread but glad to see the builder is going to rectify the situation. Some things that stand out to me that could be done at the same time.

1 you have a socket very near the sink (on the right). Do Building Regs allow this?
2 the work surface to the left of your sink makes a very good prep area but I can't see a plug socket for things like food processor/juicer etc. Maybe ask the sparks to put one in while the worktop is off.
3 Have you allocated space for a bin/recycling?

Hope it works out OP. Flowers

Minisoksmakehardwork · 11/03/2016 11:46

I think the gap above the machines looks a little odd, but only because there's a unit behind the washing machine. I'd just be making sure the builder put a deep enough kickboard along the bottom cupboards.

We've a smaller gap above our washer where the old, fitted, washer dryer was replaced by a free standing hotpoint machine. It's useful for hiding

I'd get something custom built (by the builder to compensate for his fuck up) to make it look tidy, like it's supposed to be like that and use it as storage space as you've said the height of the worktop is fine for you. Maryz is right, it would be ideal for chopping boards. You might even be able to get a custom fit drawer in there.

TrueBlueYorkshire · 11/03/2016 11:57

lol your husband is being unreasonable.

If he wants them at a certain height all he has to do is instruct the builder that is what he wants. Worst case it costs some money and time...

Catvsworld · 11/03/2016 11:59

poster JamNan Fri 11-Mar-16 11:30:15

Yes I measured that one and it's fine also there is a socket by my kitchen door you can't see in the photos my bin will go by the flat wall near the rad

OP posts:
creampie · 11/03/2016 12:19

Sorry haven't read the whole thing but if you like the height I'd just get the builder to put a skirt or kick board above the appliances to fill the gap. I would like higher sides, wouldn't devalue it for me at all

Girlwhowearsglasses · 11/03/2016 12:29

Too high! Get onto builder pronto - it's HIS doing. You bought the right legs, he's changed them. Not ON

5cms is a lot too high

SohowdoIdothis · 11/03/2016 12:30

Cast a plight for the machines to sit on.

nauticant · 11/03/2016 12:33

I don't think the OP needs to resort to prayer!

Justaboy · 11/03/2016 18:09

Catvsworld Did anyone draw this up or plan it before the builder was contracted to start at all?.

mathanxiety · 12/03/2016 04:15

Catvsworld -- if this is the second time he has followed this pattern then I would sit down when the dust clears (literally) and you are both rested and undisturbed, and tell him it will not be tolerated again.

Tell your DH that if he has anxiety issues when it comes to getting work done he has to manage that himself and that your function in the relationship is not to play the role of The Person Who Gets Dumped On when he gets anxious. If he doesn't have anxiety problems then he needs to be told you are still not The Person Who Gets Dumped On.

OnePlanOnHouzz · 12/03/2016 04:23

Looks like the builder has assumed the cabinets are 720 height that then sit in a 150 plinth - but IKEA Metod are 800 high so sit on a lower plinth of 80mm - it's the builders error and he should rectify it.

Normal worktop height should be between 900mm and 930mm usually 920mm on most UK kitchens.

Narp · 12/03/2016 06:08

Glad your builder is more reasonable than you husband

Your husband has assertiveness issues and takes his inability to confront another man out on you.

As nauticant said:

I think your DH is acting in a cowardly way. He doesn't want to confront the builders himself so is using you as a proxy while undermining you at the same time

Narp · 12/03/2016 06:08

mathanxiety

Totally agree

BurningBridges · 12/03/2016 12:56

Glad its looking like its sorted, my DH has done this spectacularly to me twice (and other times but these were the worst) - he's had cash to pay for major works, the builders or whatever have fucked up, first time I was as pregnant as you are now, I left him to sort it out, he then paid and told me to sort it out in court - cue workmen coming into the house to intimidate me when new baby was born. I eventually won that case in court.

Second time, I told him builders had ripped us off, left us with hardly any running water, he still paid even though the bill hadn't been submitted!! I didn't have the time or the money to take that to court, even after organising forensic opinion and court reports I just couldn't cope with all the work and he refused to even look at the papers, just kept asking when I would finally sort it all out, company did a moonlight in the end.

So yes, sit him down and say never again.

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