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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my husband correct

233 replies

Catvsworld · 10/03/2016 22:00

We are currently get ting our kitchen done and choose a IKEA kitchen witch have tall deep units lovey

We brought the legs that go with the kitchen units however the builder had said they weren't very sturdy and brought standard legs with make the units about 5cm higher than the standard

My husband is making be feel awful and feel quite bullied by him o can't sit all day and watch the builder I have 3 children and in any case I no nothing about building work the first day when he set the leg on husband came home said there a it high then said no more more work was then done work tops now on sink in and yesterday he complained at me I

Then said do you want me to say somthing to the builder he kept changing his mind then said no

Now today's he's telling me we waisted 5 grand most likely devalued our home and now most of the works been completed there's not much that can be done
Really gets me the Kitchen has had the high legs for a few days and he should of said then

He keeps saying its looks strange because the dishwasher and washing machine don't sit flush under the work top
It looks a little night but tbh it's a good hight for me cooking and chopping ect

Apart from stressing me out what's the blinking point of saying now I am sure even as late as yesterday I could of said somthing to the builder but he told me not to and I no he's just going to keep moaning about it for years to come

I did say when we come to sell witch won't be for at least 10 years we can replace the kitchen as most of the cost this time was knocking out a wall and re jigging the way the kitchen was set up

Have we waisted the money is this a awful mistake

Please note were about half way through the build everything else is fine

OP posts:
Justaboy · 11/03/2016 00:11

unlucky83 Normally cables come down from the ceiling not that often they come up from the floor. To remove the old back box chase up say 6 inches or so cut out a new back box install that plus the socket fill the old hole and make good around an hour or less in time, most of the time will be waiting for the materials used to go off in that time you get on with other jobs.!

If you do have to come up from the floor use crimps to extend the cable and sheath in heat shrink sleeving.

BurningBridges · 11/03/2016 00:11

The sockets are too close to the worktop and you won't get kick boards to fit. Because of those two things, not the gap (I quite like that) the builder has not used due care in carrying out the job. He needs to put it right. And in what land of fuckwits is it your fault?

BurningBridges · 11/03/2016 00:12

The builder led you to believe that there would be no adverse consequences in using different legs, in fact he recommended them. So he is entirely liable.

Coconutty · 11/03/2016 01:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spandexpants007 · 11/03/2016 01:47

Your DH is such a coward to blame you.

AlisonWunderland · 11/03/2016 03:05

Is your husband correct?
NO, he's an eejit.
But not as big an eejit as your builder

stolemyusername · 11/03/2016 04:39

The kitchen looks beautiful, the gap between the appliances can be easily fixed by either raising them up and putting kick board to disguise the platform they are sitting on, or put mock draws from the same range above the appliances.

JuxtapositionRecords · 11/03/2016 06:22

I would be really weary about raising a washing machine up with boards, would it not just work its way off it during the spin cycles?

Op how much did your builder charge you for the legs? I'm just confused why he didn't use ikea ones saying they aren't sturdy, especially when you have freestanding counter tops that will stop any weight being put on them.

lighteningirl · 11/03/2016 06:24

That's a great result he will sort wickets add a plinth and raise appliances your kitchen will look amazing

toomanyeasterbunnies · 11/03/2016 06:40

I would lower the worktop. Not only do the appliances look odd but the worktop is almost flush with your window sill. Just looks a bit strange. It shouldn't be too much of a pain to lower as the worktop is attached to units and not to the walls. I have ikea feet on mine and they are fine. Your dh should not be blaming you though.

pictish · 11/03/2016 06:46

Don't raise the appliances...lower the units. Seriously.

eddielizzard · 11/03/2016 07:03

i don't think it's that bad. i think the space above the appliances is handy. the plugs are an issue but as long as he fits kick boards i think it's fine.

if it suits you at the height it is for chopping etc. that's great. you can make this work. it's not the end of the world.

Narp · 11/03/2016 07:09

This is the builder's mistake.

It's not true to say the legs aren't strong enough; the units hang on wall rails and the legs are only for extra support

You are spending a lot on this kitchen and the builders will have to do what you want. Which I think means fitting it as specified by IKEA

Narp · 11/03/2016 07:10

btw have just had an Ikea kitchen fitted 9our third over the years in different houses)

MiniCooperLover · 11/03/2016 07:16

Everything is too high, get it dropped, don't let him redo the sockets. It's your kitchen, the builder is working for you !!!!

CactusKate · 11/03/2016 07:16

Your husband is horrible
Your builder is a twat

  • See if the legs adust
  • If not get the size you wanted
  • Integrate the appliances (more money though)
origamiwarrior · 11/03/2016 07:24

You've done the hardest bit. You've told the builder there is an issue, which he has acknowledged as being a real one (since he has accepted it is illegal for the sockets). He has also accepted responsibility for the problem (by saying he will get his sparky to fix it at his cost).

So all you need to do when he comes in is say (and you can blame husband for this if you like) "We've had a chat last night and this morning and actually we're not happy about your suggested workaround for the worktop mistake, so you need to get us back to where we would have been if you hadn't swapped the legs over".

Your husband is a complete arse BTW

DeltaSunrise · 11/03/2016 07:25

Oh that really does look bad. That would annoy me.

No way would I raise the appliances to make it easy for the builder to get out of the mess he's made. Tell the builder he needs to put the original legs on the units and do it properly.

And no, your dh isn't right, this is not your fault.

emm02a · 11/03/2016 07:34

Hi, I've had the same problem in the past and managed to address the issue/problem and things have begun improve.

I have something to talk about but not sure under which topic it comes under. I need some Mums advice regarding my husband and intimacy. We have been married three years and have a 22 month old and and 5 and a half month old baby, intimacy takes a back seat due to how young both our children are and the amount of time I give to them both. My 22 month old daughter is going through the terrible two's stage I.e mood swings, tantrums etc... and of course she's very time consuming when she's like this. I have both of my children in a bedtime routine which goes very well depending on my daughters mood, sometimes she takes longer to put to bed. I'm a stay at home Mum and with my children 24/7, my husband works 5-6 days a week and when he comes home I wait on him hand and foot aswell.

Mine and my husbands intimacy levels have reduced due to how time consuming our daughter is and by the time she's asleep and after all the running around I've done for my little family I'm usually very tired and just want to sleep when my husband initiates sex. I have obliged and most of the time give him what he wants regardless of how tired I am. I have on occasion said no and explained why which he used to accept however recently this has changed and he has become very resentful and angry towards me. He has threatened to physically harm and has hurt me in front of our daughter. He accuses me of not being intrested in him and has threatened that he'll go and find someone else to have sex with. I caught him once on webcam masturbating over a random woman after I had our daughter and he blamed me for being too tired to give him what he wanted and physically hurt me then

About two weeks ago he accused me of seeing other Men behind his back and called me a whore. I have access to social media but far too busy most of the time to go on there as I'm with our children. I'm a stay at home Mum, the only time I go out is with him, his Mum or when I take my daughter to toddler group other than that I don't go out.

I came from an abusive background, my father abused me from a child upwards so trust is a big thing with Me. When I first met my husband he was like a dream come true, my perfect match etc. ..... but now..... He says I'm not happy anymore and have issues, I have talked to him before and said if he keeps being nasty I will leave, I can't take anymore abuse and blame. I'm stuck in a rut and don't know what to do. I love my husband more than anything, he's and our kids are my life but he just doesn't respect me or love me the way he used too.... I need some advice

Lweji · 11/03/2016 07:46

emm02a

You really must post in Relationships.

Your problems, although similar, are more complex and go much further than a kitchen and your OH blaming you.
You will get people posting there.

mumofsnotbags · 11/03/2016 07:52

I was all in the camp for building a plinth for the washing machine and fridge, but then i saw the cupboard behind the washing machine.... what was he planning on putting on top of that to make it not look like a huge cock up (OF HIS) to hide it.

And again the electric sockets, there not the standard height from the worktop so you do need to have it all lowered i'm afraid.

I can see your husbands point of view though - you've paid for a new kitchen and now its a cock up and as someone who bought a house with a messed up kitchen we actually bargained money off the house as it would all need replacing - sockets at ridiculous heights etc, all the worktops were uneven, but to say its your fault is an over reaction and I'm guessing like my dp, he just comes in from work and has expected me to look after the dc's whilst simultaneously scrutinising any workmen in the house.

I now tell dp to take a few days off if we get work done Smile. The builder needs to lower it to the level, HE has gone off plan, HE has fucked up and HE needs to fix it all, YOU do not pay a penny for his mistakes!!

MyLocal · 11/03/2016 07:54

Look love, your kitchen looks lovely except for the appliance gap. This is easily rectified, as others have said, by putting a platform on the floor and raising the height of the appliances so they are flush with the worktop. The kick board/plinth has to go on yet so just ask the builder vaguely "what's the plan with the appliances" he will either tell you he intends to raise them or look blankly, in which case you say "well you can't leave it like that, it is ridiculous, the washing machine will move all over the floor, it looks awful and dirt and grease will collect in the gap, I am afraid you will have to put that right"

Easy.

crabbiearses · 11/03/2016 07:55

I;d build box to put appliances on and put plinth over the top to bring them up

Shakespearmint · 11/03/2016 07:57

2 options :
-raise the washing machine with MDF from floor thereby reducing the gap

OR

-use a a skirting strip at the top to cover the gap .

Builders deal with this problem every day and they need to take responsibility .

Take a deep breath

Gazelda · 11/03/2016 07:58

Emma02 I think you should report your post or duplicate it into a new one under the Relationships board. You'll get some great support there.