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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy my kid a birthday present?

60 replies

FThursdaysupthearsehole · 10/03/2016 16:42

My kids get so spoiled by their grandparents and other family on their birthday. Ridiculously so.
We get them things as and when they need through the year.
We are paying for their birthday party, but would it be really shitty for me to not get them presents from us?
Ive given family members (who have asked) the ideas for things that they'd really like. But they don't actually need anything. Id be buying for the sake of buying.

What do you reckon?

OP posts:
AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 10/03/2016 16:44

I get where you are coming from but I would get something - even from charity, or second hand....or something special, like necklace to put away, special books?

I couldnt get nothing if I could afford something.

MissGoadyFuckerCuntFace · 10/03/2016 16:45

It depends, how old are Your dc?

My ds had a major party for his 10th birthday and I told him before hand that was his gift from us, He had a choice of the party he wanted or a present. He chose the party.

dementedpixie · 10/03/2016 16:45

Yes yabu as even a small token would probably be appreciated.

Oysterbabe · 10/03/2016 16:45

How old?
I won't buy any thing for DD when she turns 1.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/03/2016 16:46

My view always was that I would buy for my friends, and for other relatives, why wouldn't I buy for the people nearest and dearest to me - my children.

MissGoadyFuckerCuntFace · 10/03/2016 16:46

He did get wrapped gifts from his siblings though (which I bought and paid for)

Oysterbabe · 10/03/2016 16:51

We're only not going to because when she was born we received 400 bajillion tonnes of clothes as gifts and think she'll be similarly spoilt when her birthday comes round.

Katenka · 10/03/2016 16:53

Why not ask other people to buy less.

I think is a bit odd to not get anything at all

multivac · 10/03/2016 16:55

We didn't get them birthday presents until they turned four (and those were bikes handed down by a friend IIRC).

anniroc · 10/03/2016 17:05

These types of posts make me sad. It's your child's birthday Hmm

Qwebec · 10/03/2016 17:08

How about offering him an activity?

nancy75 · 10/03/2016 17:08

tell other people to get them a bit less, I can't imagine not buying a gift for my own child's birthday.

Sunnybitch · 10/03/2016 17:09

Yabvu

Purplepixiedust · 10/03/2016 17:10

I would buy something. Why not ask if he wants to have a day out or do an activity for his pressie as he will get actual things from other people.

Muskateersmummy · 10/03/2016 17:11

We have the same situation. Dd is always bought lots by family. I tend to guide them to buy things she wants/needs. We then buy either 1 gift or a few small things. The less exciting things (clothes, pens, stickers, books etc). I couldn't not get her anything at all.

But I think it does depend on the age of the child. You may be able to explain that the party is their gift from you and then just get a small token gift for them to open on the day

Chocolateteabag · 10/03/2016 17:12

Depends on age of the child and when their birthday falls - ds2 was born just before Christmas so got a lot of "joint" presents for his 1&2 birthdays. I can see that being an issue when he gets older and there are things he'll maybe wAnt in the summer in future
I have asked family to delay buying presents into the spring to stagger things a bit - but only where they live away/abroad. I have sold it on them seeing him open the present in person being much more special

Equally if there is nothing they need, and they won't notice or be upset - why add to the toy pile unnecessarily?

XiCi · 10/03/2016 17:15

Wow, this is really the height of meanness.
So you've given a list of what they really want to family and think this means you don't have to bother. Pretty shameful imo.

Oh and BTW everyone buys their kids things as and when they need them through the year, it's called being a parent.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 10/03/2016 17:21

Ask grandparents and other family to wind it down a bit. We did this last Christmas as we realised that my SS's had so much they hadn't played with from the previous Xmas, never mind birthdays, that it was complete overkill. GP's and other family limited their presents to under a tenner and then we got them a 'main' present each which they really wanted.
If people ask you for ideas then give them modest present ideas and I'm sure the problem will sort itself out.
You can't not get your child a present because the rest of the family have sorted it out instead.

citytocountry · 10/03/2016 17:22

I know where you are coming from. I can't bear buying for the sake of buying, so I do their parties, get them something small and also get them tickets for theatre shows etc. instead - I'd much rather they had an experience and a day out than more "stuff". They get a shedload of stuff from the extended family and all the presents from the party.

MadameJosephine · 10/03/2016 17:25

I've done this with my son in the past, I gave him the choice of a larger party or a smaller party with fewer guests and a present and he chose the former. I guess it depends how old they are and if they understand the concept of money, DS knows I only have a finite amount and that it can't be spent twice

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/03/2016 17:25

You can't not get them a Birthday Present.
I mean no-one is saying you have to go all out. Just a few things from the £ shop is fine. Children would rather have a lot of things to open that one big expensive present, well IME

chillycurtains · 10/03/2016 17:26

YABU. That would be their childhood memory, that their mother and father bought them no presents. It doesn't matter that you buy them things throughout the year. Why not buy some of those things at their birthday instead of a month or so later? Clothes a bit bigger, etc.

Also you must be able to find some gifts that others don't know about that your DC would love. I'm talking little things like hair clips in their favourite colours or patterns or favourite chocolate bars? What about a voucher for a shop or place that they love with the promise of a trip with them? My DS 1's favourite present was a shopping trip with his mum to get clothes he chose and a treat in a coffee shop and a cinema voucher. DS 2's favourite was a voucher for the local karting track for a session. A voucher for a favourite restaurant? That way they are receiving a gift but also would be covering something you would probably normally buy. Or a trip away as a family somewhere they would like to go - Legoland, Cadbury's World, Alton Towers, Diggerland?

I think you just need to think outside the box with your gift rather than not get one at all. It doesn't have to a toy or 'stuff' think of a experience.

Thetruthfairy · 10/03/2016 17:28

Xici... The poster is not being mean. She just doesn't like wasting her money on rubbish. Family request ideas of what kids want, you give them any you have... What is the problem with that?
op... I would get your dc a little something. You can't go wrong with a few classic books or art materials. No need to spend a fortune.

That1950sMum · 10/03/2016 17:29

Agree with others who say to ask other family members to scale things back a bit. I can't imagine not buying my children presents. I know them better than anyone in the world and love getting them something I know they'll love. It's not necessary to spend a lot, but well chosen present from Mum and Dad is important.

katienana · 10/03/2016 17:34

It's not what's inside the wrapping paper it's what it represents.