Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy my kid a birthday present?

60 replies

FThursdaysupthearsehole · 10/03/2016 16:42

My kids get so spoiled by their grandparents and other family on their birthday. Ridiculously so.
We get them things as and when they need through the year.
We are paying for their birthday party, but would it be really shitty for me to not get them presents from us?
Ive given family members (who have asked) the ideas for things that they'd really like. But they don't actually need anything. Id be buying for the sake of buying.

What do you reckon?

OP posts:
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 10/03/2016 17:35

Get them something that isn't a physical gift?

A subscription to a sport or club?

Cubs/scouts?

Tennis lessons?

Day out somewhere different? Zoo? Cinema?

RitaVinTease · 10/03/2016 17:35

Start a savings account for them and put something in there. Smile

I asked for that as a kid, it was my leaving home fund. I went without Xmas and birthday gifts and asked everytone to put something in there instead.

ppeatfruit · 10/03/2016 17:44

If you haven't done so why not open a savings account for your dc and tell the relations, who can pay in to it. We did that for our GD.

fatherpeeweestairmaster · 10/03/2016 17:46

Do they like animals? Can you sponsor a donkey for them? Or similar?

DelphiniumBlue · 10/03/2016 17:48

If it's first birthday, yanbu, they won't know or remember anyway.

SatsukiKusakabe · 10/03/2016 18:08

I'd have held at least one idea back, the main one, or the most meaningful to them, regardless of where it falls in the cost scale, and got that. They need something from their parent. As a pp said, it's what it represents.

The point of gift giving is not really meant to be merely the exchange of 'stuff', but in effect that is what you are reducing it to if you think you don't need to give one, because the 'stuff' has already been taken care of and they don't need more.

What would you like to give them, as their Mum?

Nan0second · 10/03/2016 18:13

If they're not old enough to know... Fair enough. My daughter is getting next terms swimming lessons for her first birthday! (Same problem - we are drowning in stuff from very generous family and friends and asking them to scale back is ignored)

aprilanne · 10/03/2016 18:17

i would never let a birthday or xmas pass and not buy my child something .to me its like oh well i cant be bothered .even when two of my sons were weeks old at xmas i bought them gifts i cannot get over folk thinking it is ok not to .

juniperdingleberries · 10/03/2016 18:21

If you don't want to buy presents why not open them an account and put some money in it?
DD isn't even 1 yet and has already accumulated so much tat that we've decided to do this for every birthday (alongside presents when she's old enough to select things).

Jw35 · 10/03/2016 18:33

I'd rather ask family to buy less and get something myself. I wouldn't actually want my dc over spoilt by too many gifts so I do understand what you mean but I think it's the wrong way round

Original poster
FThursdaysupthearsehole · 10/03/2016 22:23

They will be turning 3.

Thank you for the decent feedback. The snotty ones can go suck a Goat.

The issue wasn't the money, but the main present they wanted was some mini trampoline thing, that my mum was dead keen to buy. (She mentioned it to them and got all psyched about "Nanna will get you it!!!" So didn't want to burst her bubble.)
But maybe I'll have a word and ask her to get something else and we'll get that one. As that's all they've asked for really.

I'm not gonna buy some tat for the sake of giving them something though. My memories of birthdays aren't what my parents bought me, mostly who came and where the party was! (Not that I remember my 3rd birthday tbh)

Joint party... Joint present... That's alright isn't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
FThursdaysupthearsehole · 10/03/2016 22:25

I like the savings account idea, do you tell them that you've put something in though? I think I'd be greeted with blank faces if I told them that ha!

OP posts:
Marzipants · 10/03/2016 22:27

DS2 just turned three, we didn't get him anything (though I sourced a lot of the presents from grandparents). He didn't notice. As long as there was plenty of biscuits he was happy.

theycallmemellojello · 10/03/2016 22:28

I think you should buy a token gift or two. Won't it be nice to make her happy? If it's not about the money then why not? I agree three is too young to understand a savings account. What about some books?

Muskateersmummy · 10/03/2016 22:30

Dd has a savings account. She's turning 4 in a few months. My step dad always gives her a cheque, we the take her off to the bank to deposit it and have a spot of lunch. She loves it. We also empty out her piggy bank and she takes that along too and deposits it.

SatsukiKusakabe · 10/03/2016 22:33

Maybe get some literature from the bank to read through with them while they're having their cake?

ppeatfruit · 11/03/2016 08:57

Exactly Muskateers They get a letter with their account in it too!

We also gave GD a Waterstone's voucher (they're cards now) so they can buy the books etc. whenever they want to, and spend a small or large amount.

MrsJayy · 11/03/2016 09:05

They don't know they are spoiled maybe stop buying them so much during the year and then when birthday comes around its a bit more special for them its your child's birthday get them something it doesn't have to be a huge thing

BayLeaves · 11/03/2016 09:11

Maybe get some literature from the bank to read through with them while they're having their cake?

Only if it's one very sophisticated 3 year old...!

lunar1 · 11/03/2016 09:17

I always get things for my boys as we don't really but throughout the year and don't have many extended family who buy presents. My sil on the other hand had a huge family who all buy things and they have a fairly small house.

So when they were born I bought my nieces a Pandora bracelet each which I add to every year. Maybe you could do something like that?

SatsukiKusakabe · 11/03/2016 09:26

bayleaves might have been a joke Wink

SatsukiKusakabe · 11/03/2016 09:28

Though I suppose you never know with Mumsnet Grin

AnnaMarlowe · 11/03/2016 09:33

Thursday I assume you have twins?

Joint party is fine (ours did joint until 7 when they asked for separate ones)

Joint present not fine. Not if it's the only present. Twins have to share everything from the moment they are born. At 3 they will be starting to understand the concept of "mine", they should have some things that just belong to them (even if it's very inexpensive ).

They are individuals.

fuzzpig · 11/03/2016 09:38

There's no way I could do that. I love, love, love finding presents for my DCs. I would get them loads if I could afford it! It's the thought behind the present that's important - one of the things I'm most excited about for DD's birthday is a little coin-collecting album, for less than a fiver - I know it's perfect for her. But nobody else would know to get that for her. I love that feeling of finding something that they will be ecstatic with, even though they didn't know they wanted it, IYSWIM?

Birthday presents aren't about need either, nothing wrong with getting things you want. Mind you we don't get the DCs things throughout the year really, other than books/board games from charity shops. We never buy toys 'just because' so those are for birthdays/Christmas.

I would ask the other family members to scale it back a bit. I don't know how that all works though as we only have a tiny family and those who give presents prefer to give me the money so we can choose something on their behalf, which works very well.

Crazycatladynumber2 · 11/03/2016 10:06

I fucking hate joint presents.
Joint party and then a joint present...gee thanks.
Love how people see multiples as one person Hmm bet you dress them the same too.

Swipe left for the next trending thread