AIBU school lateness and office staff...

[Splandy]

My son was late for school yesterday. On days when my husband isn't at work until the afternoon, he does the morning drop off. I catch up on a bit of sleep until the baby wakes for his morning feed. Yesterday, my husband developed a migraine during the morning and woke me up, telling me I'd have to do the school run. I hadn't fed the baby, so had to rush everything, feed baby, prepare lunch etc. We were at least twenty minutes late. When we walked into the school reception, a member of staff was there and said 'why are you late, mom?'. I found it strange and paused for a moment before saying 'we overslept', as I really didn't want to go through the whole long winded explanation. I've never been asked this before. They just direct you to the lateness record where you can give a reason. I think it's quite rude to ask this in front of everybody, I have no idea who she is and may not want to discuss things in front of loads of other parents. There have been times when reasons for lateness were very personal. Telling her why I'm late doesn't change the fact that I am, and she doesn't note anything down as I still have to fill in the record. It felt like she was just being nosey. I noticed that a dad came in with his children after me and wasn't asked, though have no way of knowing whether he has an agreement to come in later than usual.

This morning, managed to get there late again. Was, again, unavoidable. Baby managed to throw up over three outfits, got poo up his back... All went wrong. We were less than a minute late. My son stood at the bottom of the playground and didn't run up to go in after the line of children. Their policy is that, once the door is closed, that's it. He's told me that children don't even get marked late when that happens because they hav not taken the register by the time they get in there. So I took him to the office, and this member of staff was there again. As we walked in, she put on an incredulous voice and said to my son 'oh, you're late again!' as though trying to make him feel bad about something over which he has no control. We were so 'late' that I walked back home with all of the other parents. She again turned to me and asked why I was late. It really bloody pissed me off. I think the tone of voice she was using was what really got to me. So I gave her a look and said 'because we are'. I probably looked pretty pissed off. She did a bit of an awkward laugh and I walked off to fill in the late record.

Am I being unreasonable? We've only been late this year once before this week, it has unfortunately happened two days in a row. I think publicly asking me why I'm late, which seemed intentionally done to embarrass me, is out of order. I hadn't showered or eaten breakfast or anything, I was out of breath from bloody running and generally feeling irritable. I really don't know whether I was unreasonable to give her an explanation.

Most children at primary live quite close to school and emergencies (thankfully!) are few and far between and other parents also tend to live nearby and can pick up the slack. I genuinely can't think of any of my DC's friends (now Y5 and Y7) who have ever been late except one friend who has a slightly - shall we say- "disorganized" family who quite often seems to be running late.

DD's school went through a phase of awarding a certificate to each class where everyone was on time every day. Her class seemed to get it most weeks.

So no, not amazing to me, that parents mange to get their DC to school on time. No different to getting themselves to work on time surely?

But, no, if your child gets a bus that is meant to get them to school on time and the bus is late, then of course that's outside of your control. Though I would add, if the bus is habitually late, then maybe the bus timings need to be looked at?

I think those of you who seem to be incapable of understanding how one could possibly be late needs to walk in someone's else's shoes who have been less fortunate than them.

You know, had ill babies or children who need care and attention at that point, medical needs that need dealing with, a tube that needs repositioning, a child that's heart rate has dropped dangerously low, vomit everywhere, and yes that's the schoolchild. I would hardly busy myself getting them to school whilst ignoring those needs. Yet ten mins before all was well. So factoring extra time only helps to a point.

Well I've never been late for work in my entire life, but getting to school sometimes has been a challenge. No I wouldn't rope in other Parents as its not fair and I wouldn't appreciate it being done to me. I was just on time once when I made a citizens arrest...

My son has genuinely never been late for school (now in year 8). But his infant/junior school is 2 minutes walk from our house (and when he went to a childminder she was always on time, I guess she has to be as it's her job) and his secondary school is 7 minutes walk away.

And I still can't see that being late twice is an issue. You don't need systems to avoid that! If it's every day maybe.

As for being late for work, if you work in London you're lucky if you are on time given the lack of punctuality of the trains. If I have anything important I try to get a train at least 30 minutes earlier than I need but you can't necessarily do that if you have kids and childminders etc don't start work until a certain time.

I find it quite unhelpful when people on here tell you to ask other parents to do you a favour. It's really not that easy and I don't like asking people to put themselves out for me anyway. In any event I would have thought that by the time you've realised you're going to be late you'll be even later by the time you've called a parent and asked them to collect your child instead so you might as well go yourself.

An adult does not have to explain themselves to school staff. I think they forget they're not talking to the kids, they just get into school mode.

my kids have never been late for school [polishes halo] but OP i think you are getting some unfair criticism here.

The PP who says the office lady has a boring job and an inflated sense of her own importance is spot on.

sometimes these things happen. and 3 times in 2 terms shows you're not one of those people who are late all the time.
next time just give her "the look". if lateness is an issue be assured the deputy or head will be in touch with you.

actually we have been late due to jetlag but that was intentional ! i had no intention of getting DD up in time for school that day.

Why are you so snobby about the office staff? They have a million jobs to do..one is front of house at the school desk. Head may have asked the office staff to ask questions of late arrivals.

Everyone has a bad day sometimes but tbh 20 mins is quite late and an additionasl minute calling school to say you would be so late may have been a good plan!

Bet there would be uproar from parents if a teacher back from mat leave was 20 mins late

Yep that would irritate me too. You dont need to put a reason in dd3s late book, just late.

Its a school, people run late, life is life. Maybe its having both parents as teachers that has made me not understand the pedestal that schools put themselves on - i wouldnt give two shiney shits what staff at school thought, i really don't care they are bloody secretaries and teachers not gods !
If i am late for anything i apologise to the person involved for any inconvenience but its not the end of the world and i dont give it another thought after the initial apology.
I see patients and i have heard every excuse in the world and i would never judge anyone for being unavoidably late.

I wouldn't give a reason any more detailed than 'traffic' or 'appointment' in the late book because it's not private. You can't help reading the line above when you're writing in it well I can't.

Last time I looked someone had written 'hairbrush caught in hair'. I bet that was a calm and serene household that morning

My son is in yr 4, before this school year I could count our total latest on 2 fingers. This year I have lost count, we are often 5 minutes or so late.

I don't really care tbh, he has SN and is struggling with things, I would rather arrive slightly late with him in a good mood, than on time after pushing him into a meltdown.

Persistent lateness for no reason is wrong and needs to be challenged, occasional unavoidable lateness is no reason for office staff to be rude.

Being late causes knock-on inconvenience and disruption though. Should the receptionist just nod all latecomers in with a smile as if arriving on time is perfectly optional?

Also not really sure why you lied about the reason for being late making yourself seem irresponsible rather than just simply unfortunate (which you were). She quite understandably, from what you've told her, believes that you're just some idiot unable to set an alarm clock. Surely even a flippant 'don't ask!' 'nightmare morning' or 'sick baby' would all have garnered a bit more sympathy.

I think a combination of the school not wanting lateness to be a pleasurable experience, along with the fact that you made it sound like you just couldn't be arsed (despite that not being the reality) are probably the reasons she's being a bit funny about it.

YANBU. Why does she have to ask you, when there's a book for recording the reason? Why does a receptionist have to know the reason? She's being self-important as PPs have said.

And when anyone has called me "Mum" just because I'm with my kids, I've always been tempted to give them a knuckle sandwich. Disrespectful and patronising. If they say it in that awful high pitched sing-song voice as if they are talking to a baby, I'm tempted even more.

From reading your replies OP I think you may find that the second time you were 'late' , your son may have been marked as present. School can print you out an instant copy of your sons attendance. It would be interesting to see if he was marked down as late or present on that second day as went into class about the same time as his peers. Even if you've written in the late book, if he's in class before his name was called he'd be marked as present.

YNBU
If school policy is to write in the late book then this person was asking you for personal gratification. Asking you in front of a bunch of other parents is particularly out of order. There are many many reasons someone might be late that are private or embarrassing, and I would not have confidence that this person is keeping the confidentiality of entries in the late book properly.

I expect she assumes that you won't report her because you are already "in the wrong" for being late. idk if I would, but writing to the head or governors about whether this is policy would be the right thing to do if you feel brave/strong enough.

I used to breastfeed the baby in a sling whilst walking to and from school so that would have sorted out feeding the baby. Could you not have dropped off the packed lunch later on? Afraid I'm another one who's kids have never been late for school despite newborn baby, medical problems etc.

Depends what sort of medical problems flossie some cause timing issues, some don't.

YANBU. It would be perfectly reasonable to take a persistently late parent aside and ask them if there was a reason for it, but asking you like that on arrival as though you're in trouble is rude and condescending. And being called 'mum' instead of Mrs by an adult would make my teeth itch!

Being persistently late is sheer disorganisation. Very occasional lateness is quite understandable and not a problem. I've been a teacher for 20 years and I can't say that lateness has ever had a major impact on my lessons. Child comes in, you tell them to sit down and you carry straight on with what you're doing. Very rarely a problem.

Yes there are often reasons for being late, but more often than not there aren't. I don't see a problem with school questioning the reasons for the latenesS though. It is disruptive for the class when children are coming in late, it does cause problems so I certainly don't think schools should ignore it.

YANBU, I'd be annoyed to be questioned in public and infuriated at being called 'Mum'.

This thread has brought out some sanctimonious twats out of the woodwork.

I always thought the reason that school staff called a parent "Mum" (or Dad) was that they wouldn't always know the parent's name off the top of their head and didn't want to get it wrong?

redsky that's exactly the reason. Even if you know the child's name, many parents have a different surname from their children. At one meeting we had three Mrs Xs present (mum, grandma and auntie). It was much easier and less confusing for the minute taker to avoid the title Mrs X altogether!

I understand that maybe they don't always know every single parent's name. I'd still rather an "Excuse me, could I just ask why you're late?" No real need for the "mum" bit. I wouldn't dream of addressing one of my pupils' mums as 'mum'. And I still don't really understand why they need a reason. The office knowing the reason isn't going to make the child any less late. It's not as if there's a system of authorised lateness (or is there?).

merciful, I don't think it's worth getting annoyed about. It's not as if it's an insult.

I liken it to how in many secondary schools, all female teachers are referred to as "Miss" and all male teachers as "Sir". And the odd thing about that is that most students do know their teachers' names.

Whilst unforeseen events do happen at times, and it's no one's fault, surely you would bustle in with 'I'm so sorry, car broke down/accident on the freeway/baby needed changing' rather than 'none of your business'. It's just generally accepted behaviour, isn't it?