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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU school lateness and office staff...

132 replies

Splandy · 10/03/2016 10:50

My son was late for school yesterday. On days when my husband isn't at work until the afternoon, he does the morning drop off. I catch up on a bit of sleep until the baby wakes for his morning feed. Yesterday, my husband developed a migraine during the morning and woke me up, telling me I'd have to do the school run. I hadn't fed the baby, so had to rush everything, feed baby, prepare lunch etc. We were at least twenty minutes late. When we walked into the school reception, a member of staff was there and said 'why are you late, mom?'. I found it strange and paused for a moment before saying 'we overslept', as I really didn't want to go through the whole long winded explanation. I've never been asked this before. They just direct you to the lateness record where you can give a reason. I think it's quite rude to ask this in front of everybody, I have no idea who she is and may not want to discuss things in front of loads of other parents. There have been times when reasons for lateness were very personal. Telling her why I'm late doesn't change the fact that I am, and she doesn't note anything down as I still have to fill in the record. It felt like she was just being nosey. I noticed that a dad came in with his children after me and wasn't asked, though have no way of knowing whether he has an agreement to come in later than usual.

This morning, managed to get there late again. Was, again, unavoidable. Baby managed to throw up over three outfits, got poo up his back... All went wrong. We were less than a minute late. My son stood at the bottom of the playground and didn't run up to go in after the line of children. Their policy is that, once the door is closed, that's it. He's told me that children don't even get marked late when that happens because they hav not taken the register by the time they get in there. So I took him to the office, and this member of staff was there again. As we walked in, she put on an incredulous voice and said to my son 'oh, you're late again!' as though trying to make him feel bad about something over which he has no control. We were so 'late' that I walked back home with all of the other parents. She again turned to me and asked why I was late. It really bloody pissed me off. I think the tone of voice she was using was what really got to me. So I gave her a look and said 'because we are'. I probably looked pretty pissed off. She did a bit of an awkward laugh and I walked off to fill in the late record.

Am I being unreasonable? We've only been late this year once before this week, it has unfortunately happened two days in a row. I think publicly asking me why I'm late, which seemed intentionally done to embarrass me, is out of order. I hadn't showered or eaten breakfast or anything, I was out of breath from bloody running and generally feeling irritable. I really don't know whether I was unreasonable to give her an explanation.

OP posts:
Splandy · 10/03/2016 12:58

His teacher has no problem with his punctuality. Actually had parents evening last night and she never once mentioned it. As a matter of fact, I ended up waiting around for half an hour and his books hadn't been put out because she'd forgotten! I didn't give her a hard time about it, these things happen and she was obviously stressed and trying her best.

And yes, I have also managed to get to school on time during some terrible times. Including my horrifically stressful pregnancy where I suffered with spd, was monitored constantly due to life threatening complications with my first, could barely walk at times, ended up hospitalised, as well as caring for my mother in law every day who the died during the later stages of my pregnancy. Even got him to school on time after staying awake with her for 48 hours because we were told it was the end before getting a taxi home at 4 am so I could be there when he woke up. I was hallucinating at that point. So the perfect people can now stop posting about how they've managed to get to school on time in worse situations. I have too. Just didn't manage it this week.

OP posts:
gandalf456 · 10/03/2016 13:02

I have a thing about other adults talking to me like a child. It happens a lot after you have children - and I especially hate people (apart from the kids) referring to me as Mum!! It is patronising and disrespectful. I am a person in my own right and they should call me by my name. If they don't know it, they should ask.

So yanbu. It's a one off (OK, two off) but you have a young baby and it happens. They be far more understanding when you have a younger DC. I found it really, really hard doing the school run when DS was a baby.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 10/03/2016 13:04

YABU. In the 4 years my Daughter has been at school I have had 2 babies. SPD both times, the second very severe. We haven't been late. Aim to leave much, much earlier-if you arrive before the bell, the playground is the best place to be to have a play before school Smile

Splandy · 10/03/2016 13:06

Yes, I really don't like being called mom, either. Unless I'm talking to my son. Or the condescending voice. I'm just not sure whether the school has decided that they will now have a member of staff waiting in the reception area for latecomers, asking them questions to shame them into not being late anymore, or whether she's taken it upon herself to do that.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 10/03/2016 13:07

lists what if the thing which occurs takes longer than the ten minutes you have so cleverly allowed for?
Then you'd be fucked Grin
That isn't rocket science either.

momtothree · 10/03/2016 13:09

Oh dear! I work in a school - sometimes kids are late - kids are usually late due to the parents - we do not ask children why they are late - they come in quietly and sit down ready to join in. We do not make a deal of it to them.

HT may raise continued lateness with parents when they tip the threshold.

Life happens - stuff happens - glad you are all chuffed with your perfect records because OP child will not suffer any ill effects from a few late days - it's not a big deal in the scheme of things.

OP - really chill out about it!! My own are usually on time - if they're not I just shrug and tell them not to worry it's not the end of the world.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/03/2016 13:11

Reeeeeeally hoping CamboricumMinor will explain the relevance of her daughter going to uni.

EmbroideryQueen · 10/03/2016 13:12

YANBU. School staff sound very unprofessional. Clearly trying to intimidate you in to helping them keep their absurd government imposed targets.

Next time she asks I'd make a point of commenting that you don't feel appropriate to be asked such questions in public, but that should she wish to discuss it she can book time for a meeting (which obvs she won't do)!

VoldysGoneMouldy · 10/03/2016 13:13

Schools are being pushed and pushed on attendance, and that includes lateness.

Of course you can't predict things like your husband getting ill, but you can make things more organized in the mornings. Make sandwiches (and lunch box) the night before, wrap in tin foil and put in the fridge - your husband might thing they go soggy but he's not the one eating them! If you youngest has reflux - which is a bitch - keep a few changes of clothes out and ready in case they are needed.

Also, if you're the one breastfeeding the baby, your husband should be sorting out things like breakfasts etc.

No one is perfect, and the odd lateness isn't huge, but she reacted in a way that they are being asked to do. Don't let it stress you out too much.

HanYOLO · 10/03/2016 13:13

You've only been late twice, and the second time, only just, not register-late and not disruptively. So no need to feel guilty, or let this bother you at all. Laugh it off and let it go.

People who have never been late are likely to have been lucky as well as very organised. I'm rarely late because I get mega anxious about it, am usually early as hell and tbh it's a bit of a waste of my time and energy. I was late taking DS twice (once when he was in Y1, I had 3 year old and newborn in tow, and the bus didn't show; once because he had a major tantrum and was refusing to go -for 20 mins). These things happen. Can't remember what I put in the reasons for lateness in the Book of Shame, parental ineptitude or something, though was tempted to write "because I don't value education".

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 10/03/2016 13:17

Reeeeeeally hoping CamboricumMinor will explain the relevance of her daughter going to uni

Must ask for your late records from infant school? More than twice no uni education!! OH dear better break the news to my A* DD who's been late 4 times to high school this year.

MissGoadyFuckerCuntFace · 10/03/2016 13:18

Am I the only one who when late walks into the office and says 'so sorry we are late but this,that or the other has happened'? I automatically apologise and explain before anyone even has a chance to speak to me. Confused

LeRoom · 10/03/2016 13:19

Having thought about it, the only sensible way to deal with this is to invent some excuses with such glorious technicolour detail that she'll really wish she hadn't asked Grin [childish]

CamboricumMinor · 10/03/2016 13:19

Well, it's an idea of the age isn't it. I could have just said they are 18 I guess.

redskytonight · 10/03/2016 13:20

I don't see a problem with what the office staff said.

I'd suggest to the OP that she cultivates a friendship with another parent who lives nearby so she has an alternative person to take her child to school when there is a last minute issue.

My experience is that the vast number of parents are never late for school. And then there is a hard core who are habitually late (more than once a week). So I can see that those who fall somewhere in the middle (like OP) will attract attention.

Splandy · 10/03/2016 13:23

I wouldn't really have had a chance to explain anything. She was standing by the door waiting for us. Opened the door for us from the inside. My son walked in first, in front of the buggy, got his comment, I got questioned before I had even walked through the door. The office staff have usually been OK, one of the members of staff was always VERY shirty (my son has to occasionally have time off for hospital appointments and tests and she attempted to argue that I should listen to her and not my son's teacher) but she left and nobody else has ever done anything but direct me to the late book.

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 10/03/2016 13:24

Han I really don't agree it's luck. It's determination Wink I did it with crippling SPD, often getting up long before 6am to make it happen. I am also the most disorganised person I know!

MrsToddsShortcut · 10/03/2016 13:28

Oh dear. People referring to me as 'Mum' gives me the absolute rage. I'm not even sure why really. It's just so incredibly lazy.

It starts in pregnancy which I understand (as I was technically 'mum' to the foetus) but all through nursery and school too. If you don't know my name, ask. If you don't know my name but know my child's name, call me 'DD's mum' or just use my flipping name! (loads of people who do this are fully aware of it). But please don't address me as though I am your parent.

I now respond in a similary patronsing and chummy manner and say "Oh, do call me MrsTodd!" with a dazzling smile.

Splandy · 10/03/2016 13:29

I do have friendships with two people who have helped a couple of times and I've helped them. One of them shares the school runs with another mom, so I can't guarantee that she will be going to school that day. The other mom sets out quite early, so cant help with an absolute last minute problem because she's already gone. And my husband does do breakfast if he's taking my son to school. Just not that day. I'm surprised at the number of people who seem to be having a pop at him for daring to get ill! Not only does he usually do all of those things, but he's not his biological dad and still does it all anyway!

OP posts:
Splandy · 10/03/2016 13:34

I'm afraid that I do believe it is sometimes down to luck. You can take a look at my earlier post where I mention the much worse situations I've been in and managed to get my son to school on time. Just didn't manage it this week.

OP posts:
Splandy · 10/03/2016 13:35

But that is all irrelevant, really. I'm now quite convinced that refusing to answer her cheeky question and instead writing in the late book is not unreasonable.

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 10/03/2016 13:45

I thought they were supposed to ask as a safeguarding measure. Dd has been late twice in 4 years. Both times I walked in apologising and explaining, just as I would if late for work. Just common curtesy really. Confused

starry0ne · 10/03/2016 13:58

Its a bit like sick record..Some children are lucky and pick nothing up some catch everything.

I think everyone can have the odd late morning..Life happens sometimes...
We have always managed to make up time we have lost by disaster... However I wouldn't be so complacent as to assume I will never be late.

You have been late twice.. once by minutes. We have a signing in and out book which lateness is signed.. The same parents are listed...I feel for the children who are persistently late...

The teacher however won't mention lateness that isn't her job...

Topseyt · 10/03/2016 14:02

I really don't believe all those perfect posters whose kids have never even been a moment late for school.

For us it has happened far more since mine went to secondary school and had to rely on the school contract bus to get there. It is their only means of getting there on a normal day and regularly turns up around 10 minutes late and has therefore got the lot of them from our town to school either as the register is underway or on occasionally already finished.

I'd love to know how anyone thinks I could factor that in. Confused

Topseyt · 10/03/2016 14:05

Sorry for typos. Still struggling with a broken right arm.