Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU school lateness and office staff...

132 replies

Splandy · 10/03/2016 10:50

My son was late for school yesterday. On days when my husband isn't at work until the afternoon, he does the morning drop off. I catch up on a bit of sleep until the baby wakes for his morning feed. Yesterday, my husband developed a migraine during the morning and woke me up, telling me I'd have to do the school run. I hadn't fed the baby, so had to rush everything, feed baby, prepare lunch etc. We were at least twenty minutes late. When we walked into the school reception, a member of staff was there and said 'why are you late, mom?'. I found it strange and paused for a moment before saying 'we overslept', as I really didn't want to go through the whole long winded explanation. I've never been asked this before. They just direct you to the lateness record where you can give a reason. I think it's quite rude to ask this in front of everybody, I have no idea who she is and may not want to discuss things in front of loads of other parents. There have been times when reasons for lateness were very personal. Telling her why I'm late doesn't change the fact that I am, and she doesn't note anything down as I still have to fill in the record. It felt like she was just being nosey. I noticed that a dad came in with his children after me and wasn't asked, though have no way of knowing whether he has an agreement to come in later than usual.

This morning, managed to get there late again. Was, again, unavoidable. Baby managed to throw up over three outfits, got poo up his back... All went wrong. We were less than a minute late. My son stood at the bottom of the playground and didn't run up to go in after the line of children. Their policy is that, once the door is closed, that's it. He's told me that children don't even get marked late when that happens because they hav not taken the register by the time they get in there. So I took him to the office, and this member of staff was there again. As we walked in, she put on an incredulous voice and said to my son 'oh, you're late again!' as though trying to make him feel bad about something over which he has no control. We were so 'late' that I walked back home with all of the other parents. She again turned to me and asked why I was late. It really bloody pissed me off. I think the tone of voice she was using was what really got to me. So I gave her a look and said 'because we are'. I probably looked pretty pissed off. She did a bit of an awkward laugh and I walked off to fill in the late record.

Am I being unreasonable? We've only been late this year once before this week, it has unfortunately happened two days in a row. I think publicly asking me why I'm late, which seemed intentionally done to embarrass me, is out of order. I hadn't showered or eaten breakfast or anything, I was out of breath from bloody running and generally feeling irritable. I really don't know whether I was unreasonable to give her an explanation.

OP posts:
AnnPerkins · 10/03/2016 12:01

YANBU. She might be the school- (or self-) appointed late police but she should show a little sensitivity and discretion. She doesn't know what's going on in families' lives.

The first time DS was late, I felt absolutely awful that his copybook had been blotted by something out of his control. If anybody had made loud comments or appeared to pass judgment I would have taken it badly because I felt so guilty.

Anyway, we were late again once the following term, by which time I'd got over my feelings of guilt and would take any comments in my stride. I'm not casual about punctuality but sometimes shit, such as an hour-long traffic tailback caused by a local motorway pile-up, happens. And there's nothing anyone can do about it.

If any of the staff loudly and publicly asked me personal questions, though, I would still brush them off with a vague response or, like you did, say 'Because we are' and say no more.

Astrophe · 10/03/2016 12:01

We had 4 weeks last year when there was not s single day when I didn't have at least 1 out of 4 DC ill. They had tonsillitis one after another, one had Scarlett fever, another had the flu and it went on and on.

In those 20 school days we were late 15. I wasn't willing to wake an ill child who'd been up half the night to take the rest to school, so we just went late.

Nobody said anything judgey. One sweet office lady would always ask how the DC were and offer sympathy and encouragement. What would a judgey comment have achieved other than to make my days a bit harder? My DC didn't suffer educationally from the missed hours. I'm sorry for the disruption to classes, but the classroom teachers were similarly sympathetic.

Fizrim · 10/03/2016 12:03

It's an OFSTED requirement IIRC. Two grades of lateness too, late-but-you-get-marked-on-the-register and too-late-for-the-register which means it is marked as unauthorised absence.

We overslept the other week - it does happen! There are some children who are permanently late, in Primary they tend to put it down to the parent rather than the child.

DaisyDando · 10/03/2016 12:03

Office lady was a bit rude and I'd probably have overreacted too.

PastaLaFeasta · 10/03/2016 12:06

The facts is it doesn't matter how much spare time you have if the poo explosion happens just as you've got all costs on and are about to walk out. Makes me glad I have a small age gap. DC2 was older when we started school runs so a poo in her nappy at that point would have to remain there for the walk. How long is the walk? If short it's not terrible to leave a dirty nappy, but all up the back in the cold not an option. Our school has started going in slightly earlier and many parents miss this but the kids are allowed to catch up and go in after the door shuts. I try to be just on time so often have to catch up :S

runlulurun · 10/03/2016 12:07

So many sanctimonious replies here!

Don't worry about it OP. Perhaps the receptionist was just checking everything was ok. 20 minutes is quite a substantial amount of time to be late by, especially if you are not habitually late, and maybe she was just part being nosey/part concerned as to whether something significant had happened.

You sound embarrassed/sensitive about being late which is no bad thing as it shows you care, but I would just brush it off and move on with the rest of the week. It will all get easier as the baby gets older anyway.

runlulurun · 10/03/2016 12:08

Or if asked verbally again, "Sorry I'm late, I left late".

Splandy · 10/03/2016 12:13

I don't feel overly guilty about it, really. We're not usually late. I'm particularly annoyed about what she said to my son, though. It's not his bloody fault. I really don't think saying 'you're late AGAIN?!' is an appropriate thing to say to a child who has no control over it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/03/2016 12:16

I think I will try to factor in some extra time in the mornings then. I really don't want my son to be embarrassed about being late.

But it sounds as though he's not bothered at all. At least not enough to run across the playground and at least try to catch the door before it closed.

FloggingMolly - "Why did your ds stand at the bottom of the playground instead of joining the line of children going in?"

You - "I have no idea, he was convinced that he couldn't go in at that point, seemed to think that it was a lost cause and the door would be shut by the time he got there."

I'm not saying he should be embarrassed by something that's out of his control at this age, but I would have expected him to have at least attempted to get to the door instead of just standing in the playground.

Splandy · 10/03/2016 12:19

I agree, it was really strange. He ran onto the grass at the bottom and just stood there. I was annoyed and asked him what on earth he was doing. He's done this before when we've been really early so he's been convinced that we're very late because there weren't many people around. I think that he experienced that 'running for the bus' kind of embarrassment about running in front of other people and still not catching it.

OP posts:
Splandy · 10/03/2016 12:21

He's 8 and gets pretty self conscious at times. And I don't think he was embarrassed about today's lateness, as he told me that they're not actually late when this happens as the register hasn't even started yet. He definitely was embarrassed yesterday though. They were in an assembly and I think he had to walk into the hall where it was going on. He didn't mention feeling any embarrassment about it, but walking into a quiet hall full of people can't have felt good.

OP posts:
diddl · 10/03/2016 12:25

So they'd close the door even if they saw him running to get there?

The first time I wonder if it would have been any use to phone the school saying that you were on your way?

BippityBoppityBullshit · 10/03/2016 12:31

OP I think you are getting an unnecessarily hard time about this. The first incident definitely, I suffer from migraines, even with aura I can tell you sometimes they come on quickly, unexpectedly, and aggressively. Nevertheless perhaps you should keep a set of frozen sandwiches and go to sleep fully dressed just in case this happens again Hmm

yes that is sarcasm for the holier than thou lot who are perfect at timekeeping in every way

You can factor additional time in, but sometimes it can feel like everything goes wrong at once!

Also, while I'm at it, being ready earlier wouldn't have prevented the poo explosion, in fact had OP left earlier it would have happened mid school run, which presumably would have led to an even greater delay.

Splandy · 10/03/2016 12:35

They probably wouldn't see him, it's down a little alleyway. It's a bit strange. They made a thing of telling us that, even though they've always allowed children into the doors before if they've just missed them, they wouldn't let them into this particular door. I think it's because it leads to a corridor rather than a classroom. They said it was for the safety of the children, I assume it is immediately locked.

OP posts:
CamboricumMinor · 10/03/2016 12:38

YABU. You have to factor in time for unexpected delays into your morning - my children have never been late for school even when I had a new born baby and did the school run when she was two days old. The eldest is now at university this autumn.

LeRoom · 10/03/2016 12:40

You're an adult, and you don't have to explain your movements, life choices or hairstyle to anyone. How the school chooses to record lateness is up to them. Whether you wish to comply with their preferred recording method is up to you.

But it does sound like she was just flexing her imaginary authority. Don't let it take up space in your mind. Not your problem.

Ledkr · 10/03/2016 12:45

Wow camboricum aren't you a perfect person Grin

Some right twats on this thread.

Headofthehive55 · 10/03/2016 12:45

Ha! It's ok trying to be early. We can be all early some days ready at 8am but too early to set off as its only a 10 min walk then my DD will want the loo -again - and will lock herself in there for half an hour. So we are then late. If we were to set off we'd be stood outside the gates ( they ask us not to be early). Some days you can't win.

listsandbudgets · 10/03/2016 12:48

Ledkr of course you can factor in extra time for unexpected stuff. Its hardly rocket science - I want to be at X by 8.30 but there are issues that may arise that will stop me achiveving this. Therefore I will aim to be ready to walk out the door 10 minutes before I need to be and thus arrive 10 minutes early. If a problem arises I'll still have a few minutes to sort it out and still manage to be on time.

grumpysquash · 10/03/2016 12:49

You could have phoned school when you knew you were going to be late (i.e. the first day). Then you could have explained why without anyone overhearing, and they would have known when to expect you.

runningouttaideas · 10/03/2016 12:49

Both of my DC were once given an eyebrow beating for coming in late by ht (they had been for a double appointment to save time)who happened to be in the reception area when we arrived. They were asked if they had enjoyed their sleep in. DC looked at me slightly miffed as they had actually been into school that morning and I had been back in to collect them. Now that pissed me off tbh but I have learned over the years to just roll my eyes when someone at school hits a nerve. I think sometimes you just need to pick your battles, a snooty receptionist really ain't worth the time.

My DS has had a few anxious mornings about being late when he actually isn't. He is on the playground early every morning and enters the school with the other children. A couple of days later I found a letter in the bottom of his school bag about the amount of lateness they were experiencing in the school, he took it as though he was constantly being late. Maybe your Ds's class have been told that at a certain time the door will be closed and anyone who arrives after that is to come through the reception and he has instantly thought because the door was closed he was late. I know my Dd's class were told similar.

Headofthehive55 · 10/03/2016 12:49

camboricum some of us have had to factor in nipping to the hospital because one child was going blue and the oxygen she was on didn't seem to be enough, shame I didn't get to school on time that day!

But i did manage to get my kids to school the morning after I gave birth in the night.

vintagefiend · 10/03/2016 12:52

YANBU
factor in additional time- for goodness sake!! if a baby shits and vomits at the last minute it doesn't matter if you were ready by 6am- it's notoriously difficult to get to places on time when there's a baby in the equation.
you had a (very small) run of bad luck- it happens and some people lack the imagination to understand this.
it's none of the receptionist's business why you're late and she certainly shouldn't be making your son feel bad

Headofthehive55 · 10/03/2016 12:54

We are asked not to be at school early.

caravanista · 10/03/2016 12:56

Schools are required by Ofsted to be hard on lateness. Best two reasons I was given:

  • my husband fancied a shag!
  • he (pointing to son) was pushing out a poo!
Swipe left for the next trending thread