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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say something to someone

28 replies

Headdesk · 08/03/2016 19:31

I'm at uni, I've noticed that a friend of mine is being picked on by a lecturer. Lecturer has seemed to have had a problem with her since the beginning. We are a mainly practical course and I've seen her work and it's outstanding, her marks marked by other lecturers have reflected this, this year this one lecturer is marking all our work and has been giving her extremely low marks when her work is constantly good. Lecturer also takes great pleasure in putting her down with scathing remarks and making her feel small when we have group lectures. Other lecturers have noticed and commented on it as well as other people on our course.
Friend is getting very upset about it, but is very shy and won't go and talk to someone about it because she is scared it will get back to lecturer and make things worse. Fair enough he doesn't like her but this is her degree and future he is messing around with. I want to say something but I'm unsure if I would be allowed to, would my friend get annoyed. I just feel so frustrated for her, she's talking of just giving up.

OP posts:
GabiSolis · 08/03/2016 19:46

Oh how awful! I think you have to do something - although not behind her back ideally.

LifeofI · 08/03/2016 19:49

You can say to him you have noticed he picks on her, then he will probably feel like shit and stop doing it because he will realise that you are probably not the only one who has noticed it. Most people especially in a professional setting do not want to have the reputation as being a bully.

Original poster
Headdesk · 08/03/2016 19:49

I'm not sure who to talk to? Would other lecturers be able to do anything?

OP posts:
CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 08/03/2016 19:49

If other lecturers and students have noticed and you do say something, how will they know it's you and not someone else who raised the issue anonymously?

Say something, this must be awful for your friend. Sad

ridemesideways · 08/03/2016 19:49

How worse could it get though? If she's talking of giving up anyway she's got nothing to lose by raising a complaint... Does she have a personal lecturer she or you could contact? Or arrange an appointment with one of the lecturers who has noticed it?

Original poster
Headdesk · 08/03/2016 19:50

I think he knows he's doing it, he seeks to get great pleasure from embarrassing her in front of other people, other lecturers are also there when he does it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Headdesk · 08/03/2016 19:51

She also says she doesn't want to make a fuss. It's so upsetting to see because she's very talented :(

OP posts:
ChicChantal · 08/03/2016 19:53

Don't you have a personal tutor? That's the place to start if you have. I dropped an optional course because of this behaviour from a lecturer, and discovered later that the person in question had a bad reputation for picking on someone from each group. Your friend won't be the only one. Ask around. Ask how other people dealt with it. Your uni/college should have some sort of procedure for dealing with stuff like this.

Original poster
Headdesk · 08/03/2016 19:54

I have one lecturer who I always go to when I have an issue, she is very good so I will talk to her. I was just worried she would say that she can't discuss it with me because it's not about me.

OP posts:
Quietwhenreading · 08/03/2016 19:55

Go to your Tutor or Student reps.

Make sure you have dates and examples though.

Original poster
Headdesk · 08/03/2016 19:57

I will do that.
It just makes me so angry that he can mess up someone's whole future because he doesn't like them. It's so wrong.

OP posts:
RubbleBubble00 · 08/03/2016 20:06

Make a diary of specific things that are said. You will have a head of course and also a mentor hopefully - either would be a good approach. Make sure friend keeps all her work as she can get remarked if he's being bias.

RubbleBubble00 · 08/03/2016 20:08

I would also approach students union rep and ask for advice

FaFoutis · 08/03/2016 20:15

Isn't the work double marked?
She could request that her work is remarked. There's usually a procedure for that.

wheresthel1ght · 08/03/2016 20:17

You should have a student services dept at the uni and also some sort of pastoral rep on the union so I would definitely go to them.

I had a similar issue with a lecturer when I was at uni, I had a nasty cancer scare and she informed my entire seminar group and then told them I was just an attention seeking baby. I was then frog marched by a group of 16 people to our course head's office and he was brilliant. I had no repercussions from it and after a few more complaints from other students she was asked to take a sabbatical.

I would maybe persuade your friend that she needs to speak up but go with her for support.

Original poster
Headdesk · 08/03/2016 20:18

No, one essay or piece of work it picked from each grade band to be looked at by someone else, other than that it's all marked by the same person.

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Original poster
Headdesk · 08/03/2016 20:19

wheres that's awful!!
He seems to only have a problem with her, I honestly can't see a reason for it, she's hard working, polite and very nice. I just don't understand it.

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 08/03/2016 20:24

This is awful

Yes - please do go and speak to the other lecturer that you confide in about your friends predicament

MadamDeathstare · 08/03/2016 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blindsider · 08/03/2016 20:35

She has probably rebuffed his advances...

You absolutely should report this it's bullying!!

shovetheholly · 08/03/2016 20:36

I would encourage her to see her tutor and raise it. If she's not comfortable doing it herself, you can't really do it for her without putting her under stress. But I would definitely, definitely be offering to support and help her in raising it because it's really unfair that she's being treated this way.

The thing is that within a department there is politics. You may well find that the university lecturer in question is highly disliked by colleagues and very much out on a limb. You may find they have form for this kind of behaviour. (In fact, such complaints may be something the department privately welcomes as an impetus to deal with someone who is difficult).

I would also ask about systems for anonymous marking if that's possible. Also, all work should be moderated, so if there is a discrepancy and your friend has raised this as an issue, there may be a case for her work to be looked at as part of the sample for second marking.

If all else fails, she can query and appeal the grades.

Original poster
Headdesk · 08/03/2016 20:40

He is disliked by everyone, lecturers and students, but he seems to be marking everyone else fairly. He's known for being very opinionated and if you don't agree you are wrong.

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 08/03/2016 20:43

Please do go see a different lecturer. This happened to a friend of mine, another woman lecturer was bullying her after she had her baby and was just being nasty. We reported it and she disappeared after a week or so on a sabbatical and we never saw her again. Nasty woman.

Junosmum · 08/03/2016 20:43

Yes, say something. The head of your course would be the person to speak to, if nothing is done then speak to the dean of the school/ department. Try and think of specific examples, times, dates, words said. Bullies need to be stopped.

wheresthel1ght · 08/03/2016 20:48

Head she was a particularly nasty piece of work and as shovetheholly has suggested I think she had form for similar behaviour and so it helped them be able to deal with her.

The whole situation backfired spectacularly on her as a close friend of mine was in another seminar group of hers and we had gone together as I needed back up and she was asking for an extension because her mum had been diagnosed with breast cancer and she was having to travel home to help look after her younger brother. She got the extension and I got abuse about being full of crap and an attention seeker.

Luckily my head of course was also my assigned personal tutor so was aware of the issues as I had basically missed an entire module because it had clashed with my hospital appointments and he had arranged special circs to be in place for all my marking and final exams.

As has been suggested if she makes the complaint official the uni will have to send all her work to another lecturer to be moderated. If as you say she is consistently high grades in other modules and this is the only one with uncharacteristically low marks then they will act. Now that they charge so much for the courses they are open to much tighter auditing and you as the consumer have rights similar to if you purchase a phone or tv package and are not getting what you paid for.

Any official complaint has to come from her but you can certainly report his bullying of her.