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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

8 weeks notice for a 5yo birthday party is too much

42 replies

Kanga59 · 07/03/2016 21:55

my son has been invited to my friends' son's birthday party (correct apostrophes??) which is over 7 weeks away. The sad thing is, my son doesn't actually like the boy because he always pushes and hits my son whenever we are together (when his Mum and I catch up at one of our houses). I have tried telling my son that he is a lovely.boy and is just practising his kind and gentle hands etc but it usually ends up negative like the other day when my son came and told me that "X said let's punch the dog" because the dog went into the playroom when thy were making car tracks on the floor.

I generally find this child stressful to be around. his mum's thinks the sun shines out of his ... and frankly I dread our catch ups now

with almost 2 months notice of his party, I don't see how I can get out of it. grr 3-4 weeks is plenty !

OP posts:

emsyj · 07/03/2016 21:58

Why can't you get out of it? A simple 'sorry, we can't make it' is sufficient. If you don't like the child or the mother, just don't make plans to meet up with them any more. It's not that hard, is it?? I'm a bit baffled by the angst!

acasualobserver · 07/03/2016 21:59

Accept and then cry off nearer the time citing illness or family emergency.

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 07/03/2016 22:01

I think the notice (which I don't think is U, I like notice, esp with lots of parties coming up) and the child's behaviour are two separate issues. If you don't want to go because of the behaviour, which doesn't see to have changed in all the time you've known him so probably won't improve in the next 7 weeks, then you can easily decline.

Easy excuses:

Sickness
Preplanned holiday
Fake visit from family member

TheNoodlesIncident · 07/03/2016 22:01

You've got a wedding on then, haven't you? I would have. And it's probably quite far away, and over the entire weekend/whenever the party is...

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 07/03/2016 22:02

Of course you can get out of it! As MN is fond of saying, it's a invitation not a summons. Just decline. It's not a big deal.

EduCated · 07/03/2016 22:07

'Sorry, we can't make that date'. Don't lie, don't elaborate. Just simple, no, sorry.

squiggleirl · 07/03/2016 22:07

It's almost 8 weeks until the bank holiday. Any chance the party is on that weekend? If so, that's your excuse - family plans for the long weekend......

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 07/03/2016 22:07

We already have plans that far in advance. Just say you are busy in the same way you would 3-4 weeks before. Unless she is specifically organising it around your ds's availability I don't imagine it will be a problem. What sort of party is it? How many others your ds knows are going? At soft play for example with 20 kids it is fairly easy to avoid, 5 kids at home might be more tricky.

SaucyJack · 07/03/2016 22:12

I thought it was your DH's GP ruby wedding anniversary?

The party has been in the pipeline for the last year or so IIRC.

Chrysanthemum5 · 07/03/2016 22:14

Count yourself lucky! The mums in DD(8) class give 3-5 months notice of parties One gave me 6 months notice and chased for a reply after a week.

rookiemere · 07/03/2016 22:21

Very rude to accept now knowing your DS won't be going.
Just decline and say you have prior arrangements.
DS didn't get on with one boy in his class - each party we invited him to the DM came back with fairly lame reasons why he couldn't attend. TBH as the party organiser all i expect is for people to accept or decline in good time, I'm not really bothered about the reasons why.

ample · 07/03/2016 22:55

I've sent out save-the-date messages for a party in the past as it's been a busy time of year and booking was dependent on certain numbers.
Invites went out 3-4 weeks before though (which is more than enough time for parents).

OP, you could just rsvp with a short but honest reply 'sorry we can't make it' or 'sorry, can't come'. Or replace sorry with 'unfortunately'. Yeah it's a little white lie but polite.
If she pushes further then so would default to the basic truth. It might be hard for her to hear but then she did push.

Flashbangandgone · 07/03/2016 23:05

It's really not unusual at all for people to have things in their diaries 8 weeks or more in advance... I'm not the most organised person but I certainly do... I'd just decline vaguely citing a previously arrange event.

writingonthewall · 07/03/2016 23:10

6-8 weeks notice standard at both my kids schools.

notquitehuman · 07/03/2016 23:25

You're visiting family out of town that weekend? Going for a weekend away? Lots of reasons why you could be unavailable. Don't RSVP then cancel though. That's a pain in the ass.

Fatmomma99 · 08/03/2016 00:24

Your' apostrophie's were perfict!

My DD has a november birthday. Things are a bit different now they are teens, but in primary, an invitation the day before would have been sufficient: "Y, Y, the weather's crap, it's dark, it's cold, I don't care our kids don't get on - my DC is coming".

My DD has BFs with summer birthdays.

Last year a summer b.day mum sent out "when are you free over the summer hols?" to the basic group of core friends. In April.
She did spreadsheets.

There were 2 days in the whole 6 weeks that all the BFs could do together.

RockUnit · 08/03/2016 00:34

Just say you already have plans for that date.

Don't accept and then drop out, it's not fair on the hosts.

I like having plenty of notice for parties but about 4 weeks is enough.

OzzieFem · 08/03/2016 00:55

I don't see why you can't just tell the truth, and stop lying to your son about "being a lovely boy.....kind and gentle hands", crap he knows it's a lie.

Frankly I'm concerned about the dog as well, is it yours? If not then you should warn your "friend", because if the boy hits it unexpectedly then he could get bitten, and then possibly put down.

You dread the catch ups already so why not make a clean break?

GooseberryRoolz · 08/03/2016 01:13

he always pushes and hits my son whenever we are together (when his Mum and I catch up at one of our houses). I have tried telling my son that he is a lovely.boy and is just practising his kind and gentle hands

You tell your small son THAT about a boy who does THAT?

Do you also tell him that thieves are marvellous people who are practising guarding property?

GooseberryRoolz · 08/03/2016 01:16

You can at least recognise that punching a dog is 'negative', BUT you can't manage a small white lie for social purposes EVEN with 8 weeks notice?

Okay then

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/03/2016 01:32

Just say no.
And stop lying to your own son!! All that will do is teach him that there's no point in telling Mummy when he's being hurt because she will dismiss it and pretend it's all fine.

pigeonpoo · 08/03/2016 01:41

Don't say you can't make it yet!

Chances are she's given that much notice intending to alter it if it's a date not everyone can make

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 08/03/2016 08:13

I have tried telling my son that he is a lovely.boy and is just practising his kind and gentle hands etc

What??

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 08/03/2016 09:43

Just say you don't know what you will be doing that far in advance. That way if it's a pay per person type of event you can say 'it's probably better to count us out' as you don't want to let them down at the last minute. If it's jelly and cake in the village hall thing, just don't turn up on the day. Sickness / child care out of town friend visit etc or claim you forgot.

RockUnit · 08/03/2016 09:54

Just say you don't know what you will be doing that far in advance.

Hmm... that may be true but it does read as "I'm hoping a better offer will come up".

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