8 weeks notice for a 5yo birthday party is too much

[Kanga59]

my son has been invited to my friends' son's birthday party (correct apostrophes??) which is over 7 weeks away. The sad thing is, my son doesn't actually like the boy because he always pushes and hits my son whenever we are together (when his Mum and I catch up at one of our houses). I have tried telling my son that he is a lovely.boy and is just practising his kind and gentle hands etc but it usually ends up negative like the other day when my son came and told me that "X said let's punch the dog" because the dog went into the playroom when thy were making car tracks on the floor.

I generally find this child stressful to be around. his mum's thinks the sun shines out of his ... and frankly I dread our catch ups now

with almost 2 months notice of his party, I don't see how I can get out of it. grr 3-4 weeks is plenty !

my son has been invited to my friends' son's birthday party (correct apostrophes??)

I think you are talking about one friend, in which case the apostrophe should be friend's. Friends' would be if you were talking about more than one friend ie if both the little boy's parents were your friends.

I think!

Just say 'sorry we can't make that date' don't start making things up about weddings and anniversaries as it was always obvious as a child whose parents made up excuses to get out of stuff.

Just politely decline. If she asks why, just say "the boys aren't getting on well". If she pushes it say "your child is hitting mine".

And please don't tell your child they have to put up with someone who continually hits them. Would you out up with it as an adult?

Agree with Quietwhenreading. "Just politely decline. If she asks why, just say "the boys aren't getting on well". If she pushes it say "your child is hitting mine"."

You can't trip up and contradict yourself if you're honest.

We had eight weeks' notice for a birthday party recently. The invite came home in the book bag at the end of November and the party was the end of January! In other cases 2-4 weeks' notice seems to be the norm. I don't really mind either way as I can just put it on the calendar. But we don't go away or have people to stay very often at weekends.

If you don't want to go, you can just say you are busy or are away that day - some people who replied to my son's party invites just said they had plans that day or just said X couldn't make it and didn't give a reason.

Surely kids are in reception, just have your catch up during school time. If your son doesn't like playing with him don't take him round. Nothing really to do with how sat ahead she invited him

Nothing to do with

A simple "Sorry DS can't make it, hope the party goes well" will suffice. I have no idea why on earth people are suggesting you make up some excuse about a wedding/anniversary. You are under no obligation to give a reason! If she reschedules then you simply give the same response. What is the point in saying you don't know what you'll be doing that far in advance if you simply don't want DS to go.

I'd be putting a stop to other meet ups too with this child, a child who punches a dog (or says he is going to) doesn't sound like the greatest friend.

Just say you're busy - no need to elaborate.

I think it's bizarre that you tell your son that the boy is lovely and practicing his kind hands and that you make him do playdates with his boy. Obviously it's fine to be friends with the mum but see her when ds isn't around so he doesn't have to put up with the boy.

I dread our catch ups now

Say thank you but your son doesn't wish to attend. Perhaps another year when they get on better.

Leave it a couple of weeks first. Then say you're terribly sorry but he can't make it. You've got commitments

"I'm sorry, we can't make it".

It really is as easy as that.

Thanks for all the advice. I have decided to avoid our catch ups unless they are in the week.now. can't avoid completely though as we are in the same friendship group of 5 families who often hang out at weekends.

I have noticed that the other children don't want to play with the naughty boy either. I will reassess telling my son that he's a nice boy really.

I've already accepted the invite. will decode nearer the time if we want to go. its a big party in local church hall. I doubt his absence will cause any financial distress

I like having lots of notice, we'd never be able to make it if we only had 3-4 weeks. I I've people a couple of weeks notice.

You don't need a specific excuse though, just say that you're busy.

You didn't leave it long between posting this thread and accepting the invite then did you?!

I really hope this thread is a windup. Hitting your child and threatening to hit your dog? The boy would be back in the arms of his everloving mother in about 2 minutes, never to cross my threshold again. I know, criticise the behaviour not the person blah blah - but this is horrible and it's not up to you to train the boy at the expense of your own child and dog. I agree with Quiet's suggested approach, and would back out of the party now.

The long time in advance is maybe because Mum knows that the little boy has trouble with friendships and she wants plenty of time so that if lots of people refuse she has time to invite others (believe me although it may appear she thinks he's perfect she will have noticed if people often refuse invitations to play)

Definitely don't accept then cancel - that would be really mean, but if your son really doesn't want to go then don't make him.

Actually I am in the minority in thinking that telling your DS that this little boy is still learning is fine (people may be quibbling about your exact choice of phrase - but that's your choice)

He is only five - he is still learning social interaction,what are you supposed to say to your boy 'avoid 'roughboy' like the plague, he is a little shit and if he hurts you kick him in the shins?' of course not.

I would do as you have done - explain that 'roughboy' is still learning to play gently and if he hurts DS he is to say 'don't do that I don't like it/you are hurting me' and tell an adult if it continues.

Many overly boisterous five year old are perfectly pleasant children by the time they are six or seven - I think you are teaching your son to be kind and thoughtful about the reasons people behave as they do - and developing his empathy - which is excellent.