To be tearful and upset?

[minxthemanx]

Mother's day yesterday. No flowers, no small gift . One small card between the 2 DS (age 14 and 9 so old enough to sort it themselves). They'd written: love from.. Name. No message. Dh gave me a bowl of cereal for breakfast in bed, and had booked pizza express for tea. But shouted and slammed doors in the afternoon when I asked him to turn laptop down a bit (dh2 and I watching DVD, dh sits next to us and puts laptop on loudly. Arse. ). So I refused to go to pizza express, and told them all what i thought of them. My mum has sent me flowers today and I've been tearful ever since. Am I over reacting? I run round like a blue arsed fly for this family.

There's a reason divorces multiply after Christmas...
'Special' days sometimes bring it home to make people that they really aren't Happy Families even if they pretend to be
I'm with you OP . I'd have been peed off too .

Yes, I agree about the slinging of personal insults, that's a bit grim.

- I don't think teenager boys and pre-teens are known for their empathy - I think they are probably beyond the age to do lots of 'I love you's and kisses (in fact I have been told before that it is healthier if children aren't always trying to get their parents' approval with 'i love you's).

I do think it is our job to teach our sons empathy and respect though - so I would sit them down when you feel calmer and tell them how you feel, so that you don't end up with thirty year olds who don't do empathy.

I know it's not the point, but can you treat yourself to something as kind of 'stuff you' gesture to make you feel better in the meantime?

So we live in a country where Mothers Day is a big thing, considering the class of 6 year olds I help out in thought it would be nice to help their Mum's with washing up and vacuuming I'm guessing most families still operate where Mum does most of the caring and cleaning.

If a 9 year old and 14 year old can't get it together to think and actually say thank you on ONE day then I'd be gutted too. As for your DH it all sounded a bit tokenistic anyway.

I think for some Mum's this day is one of the only days where anybody shows gratitude and your family didn't take the lead on this!!

I always tell my husband ensure the gifts or words are from my children, after one year where I got lots of massive gifts that were nothing to do with the children and it felt really grabby and weird. Now I get very small but very thoughtful gifts (one from each child) and lovely cards, either handmade or bought but with very nice words. My DCS are 7,9,12 and 14.

I'd be gutted if I were you OP.

And just to reiterate; I declined the meal out because dh had shouted at me, slammed doors, and ds1 was having a meltdown and didn't want to go. As explained earlier.

I would have declined the meal too, after a shite afternoon.

I'd have declined the meal too after all that crappy behaviour minx.

Same here posie, home country is the same. Mum/ dad is treated really special and have a break from everything they normally do.

Look, a day is a long time in a family! You simple cannot expect wall to wall sunshine smiles and pandering for the 12 or so hours you are awake on Mother's Day. Rows and strops are normal in most families on a daily basis!
You got breakfast in bed, card and meal out. I got two of those and was delighted. Plus my teens were all out til lunchtime at sleepovers and all knackered and grumpy by 3pm!

I agree there are far too many martyrs and whiners on Mother's Day.

YANBU, and so glad your mum sent you flowers today.

You were watching a DVD with your son and it was rudely interrupted.

Well done for digging your heels in and not going to PE.

. I got loads yesterday. Felt appreciated too.

I'm neither a martyr or a whiner, but then I make my desires pretty explicit and make a fuss of DH on fathers day. I think these days are very good for children to consider others, my children are expected to be lovely and enjoy making my day special.

Totally what posie said. I like a card on my birthday too. Entitled as you can imagine

I told kids I didn't want anything - I know they love me, they know I love hem - and that I do my best. We all know that there are rows and dramas and things that go wrong. Mother's Day is pointless.

It was a normal Sunday. Had a nice text from DD and a big row with DS who is not easy at the moment. MD had nothing to do with it.

If there are other problems fair enough but MD is just a vile day making kids feel guilty if they don't do enough. DP's guilty if they don't do enough, normally happy mothers feel unappreciated for no reason, childless women feel sad, motherless women feel sad. Really what is he point??

I don't think YABU at all to feel unappreciated and taken for granted.

I do think you need to say very clearly to the children and DH exactly how you feel and what they could do improve the situation.

My mum used to moan about my dad's lack of thought or care, and she wasn't wrong.
He was hopeless. Forgot all birthdays and anniversary's and bought a box of cheap chocs for Christmas, if she was lucky.
BUT, she never really explained how sad she felt as she wrongly assumed that if he cared, he'd know to do nice things for her. (I disagree with that mindset.)
So he never changed his behaviour and only told her how much he appreciated her on his deathbed.

My sister and I, on the other hand, are a lot more direct about matters. Our DH's still cock up occasionally but they generally try hard to be considerate and show their appreciation.

You really need to be much more vocal and no half hints. Be crystal clear!

The children weren't selfish as they got a card, I'd expect nothing more.

We all choose to become a parent so the angst over children appreciating being "parented" is weird. If you begrudge doing it or want huge thanks then don't have children.

Moaning a card, breakfast and meal weren't good enough when thousands of people, children included, woke up without their mums or their children shows how materialistic we have become. I bet any one of those wouldn't have given two hoots about gifts or cards and just been over the moon to see their loved ones.

Blue jug, I take your point. Think that's very valid. I think next year I'll change expectations and prepare myself that I'm likely to feel a bit emotional.

I apologise for calling you spoilt. Based on your first post which was the only one I had seen due to my phone taking an age to post, it looked like you were. However from reading your subsequent posts I can see there is a lot more to it than it initially appeared. Mothers day is shit for many of us, mine certainly was too. I am sorry your DS had been so poorly and it would have been nicer to have more appreciation for what you have done for your family.

Autumn, it isn't about the card/meal; they would have been lovely. It was the atmosphere in which they were given: duty, no feeling.

yabu why more do you want

Give your head a wobble

Wow, some seriously nasty people on here today. Are we reading the same thread?

Yes she got a card, cereal breakfast in bed and a "planned meal" out. But she also got 2 unappreciative boys who couldn't have cared less about even trying to make their mum happy and a husband who stopped around and slammed doors like a fucking child.

It was shit behaviour from the rest of the family and YANBU to be upset.

I'm glad you got flowers from your mum op

Yanbu op and some replies were unkind. Your dc could have made more effort. Not necessarily in a gift sense but actually bothering to sign the card appropriately. Also they all should have treated you better. Shouting at you and interrupting your dvd viewing is very selfsh.

Witch I appreciate that. I came on here for reasonable discussion as I guessed I was over reacting a bit, and I can now see a different side. It doesn't help to be called names, but it takes balls to apologise on here.

Sounds to me like an accumulation of stuff that came to a head on Sunday. Why on earth was your DH slamming doors, is he usually a twat?

To me this isn't another mothers day whingy thread of 'my diamond is a carat less than I expected', this is a mother who's been feeling unappreciated & stressed for a long long time & the day is the straw that broke the camel's back...

What's your relationship like usually minx, is this just a blip or is it the general pattern?

YANBU about your husband putting on his laptop to play something noisy while you and your son watched tv What a rude thing to do and really intrusive. He should have listened on his head phones. That combined with his attitude says a lot about him so I'm not surprised you are cheesed off.

I would also echo that making your expectations clear is the key.

I think it sounds like your 'D'H is the one who should be leading by example.

The first Mother's Day after my ex left I got nothing for Mother's Day not even a "Happy Mother's Day". DS's then 12 and 9 said they had no one to take them. They have made up for it hugely since then once they realised that I did not find their excuses acceptable. Since then Mother's Day has been lovely as I don't have great expectations but they always manage to be thoughtful ( in a teenage boy way)nanda in actual fact having no Dad around has helped them to be more thoughtful and do it themselves which of course means so much more.

Being taken for granted is very disappointing but it's really up to you to let them know that rather than expect them to realise.

Have some from me.

No he's usually a twat. Difficult relationship. Have thought about leaving many a time but suspect (, know) he has aspergers and am trying to live with it rather than split family up. He can't empathise with anyone, and I'm determined boys will grow up with better emotional intelligence than him.