To be tearful and upset?

[minxthemanx]

Mother's day yesterday. No flowers, no small gift . One small card between the 2 DS (age 14 and 9 so old enough to sort it themselves). They'd written: love from.. Name. No message. Dh gave me a bowl of cereal for breakfast in bed, and had booked pizza express for tea. But shouted and slammed doors in the afternoon when I asked him to turn laptop down a bit (dh2 and I watching DVD, dh sits next to us and puts laptop on loudly. Arse. ). So I refused to go to pizza express, and told them all what i thought of them. My mum has sent me flowers today and I've been tearful ever since. Am I over reacting? I run round like a blue arsed fly for this family.

Read my post from yesterday (on my phone so unable to link) and count yourself very lucky. Even I am not still tearful and quite frankly I bloody deserve to be. You sound very precious and spoilt. You got a card, breakfast in bed and an offer of a lovely family meal out. That sounds pretty good to me. Yabu

Birthdays sorry!!

YANBU. To me, it sounds more about the attitude and behaviour than the actual gifts. If a shared card and offer of a meal out had been given in a sincere and loving way, then I bet you'd have felt ok about that. The fact is you have had zero pleasantness and some childish, passive aggressive behaviour from DH. I'd not be up for small talk in a restaurant, with an atmosphere you could cut with a knife after a day like that either.

So you got breakfast in bed, a card from your son's and dinner out?! I'd be over the moon! I had a very similar day and it was lovely to go out and not cook and spend time together.

I think you sound silly for having a strop and refusing to go to dinner, very ungrateful and I doubt they'll be bothering again!

Everyone is supposed to be nice to you on Mother's Day. Doesn't matter what kind of present you get (or don't get) as long as people just take the time to be nice .

I think its more that Mothers Day makes you look at your life, and if the truth is that you feel under appreciated, it is going to show up in a big way.

I don't think YABU. Yesterday I kept a tight lipped smile on my face and went through the motions, but I did want to tell them all exactly what I thought.

It became apparent as the day wore on that I never get to set the agenda. We ended up eating in McDonalds because that is what the DC wanted. Before that we went for a walk in a NT property that is DH's favourite. We have went there so much I am sick of the sight of the place. So one day that they apparently wanted to do what I wanted to do it ended up about everyone else except me.

I realised that this is my life. I generally spend my time taxiing them all from work/to activities. Cleaning and cooking for them. Listening to them, usually all at the same time. And anything that I do try to carve out for myself gets overlooked or ruined .

Something needs to change, and is going to. I just haven't worked out how yet.

Sorry for the huge post....just wanted to explain how I get it. YANBU.

"Precious and spoiled". Ds1 has been very ill and I'm up and down to Gosh with him, have been for last five years. Always try to make it fun by taking him for lovely meals, treats. I do everything I can to help him with homework/organisation as he has issues from brain injury that make this hard for him. Had spent 2 hours with ds2 helping him on school project on Saturday and driving them around to see friends. I work 4 days a week. I am not precious or spoiled, just think a bit of warmth and " thanks Mum" might have been nice, instead of feeling like an inconvenience to them all day.

Yabu what more do you want????

Mothers Day should be fucking cancelled. There's so many whingy, whiny women every bloody year because what they got wasnt good enough. It drives me bloody insane.

Honestly give your head a wobble, be grateful for your healthy children and move on!

Sorry cross post didn't see your DS1 has been poorly.

They should say "Thanks Mum" more often than Mothers Day, tbh and your DH should be more grateful to you

I think the issue is that you felt for one day your wishes and happiness could take priority and it didn't. If you put your family first most of the time then it is galling if they can't do the same for you on one day of the year.

I would tackle the bigger issue of being underappreciated. Find your place in the family and make sure your needs are taken into account as well.

I suspect a lot of LizKeen's post would ring true for you too.

OP, ignore the bashers.

Feeling 'like an inconvenience' must be bloody awful. Sympathies.

yabu what more do you want

Well in the OP's shoes, I think I'd want some kindness and a willingness by my partner, not to behave like a tantrumming spoiled child on the day.

I really do not see OP's behaviour as spoiled or precious and I'm guessing if she had received the same shared card with something nice written by her boys in it, and some enthusiasm shown for a nice family meal out in the evening, she wouldn't have started this thread.

I'm starting to think these 'special' days cause more heartache than joy, and should all be made illegal. They lead to so much disappointment and highlight flaws in relationships, as often as they celebrate them.
OP

Why is it a trend on MN for the first post or two to be some shitty comment?

Of course YANBU. That wasnt thoughtful. Its one day a year.

I think YANBU.

Just one day doing stuff for you would be lovely, am I right?

Maybe it was just an emotional day for me. Having sat holding my child's hand in Gosh intensive care for 3 days, willing them out of a coma that they weren't expected to recover from, perhaps the day has more significance for me than it should, and I need to lower my expectations! However I do wish people on mumsnet would refrain from personal insults, when they don't know the whole story. Believe me, I am far from precious, whiny or spoiled, as when you have been on your knees praying for your child to survive the night, you lose any pretensions.

Better to ignore Mother's and Father's Days, spend a bit more on birthdays, buy flowers when you want to give them to someone, not because some calendar says you should.

Wow, why a bunch of sanctimonious responses. OP, yanbu. One bloody day to focus on their mum and they can't even do that. Next year I'd go and spend the day with your mum and leave them to it.

Nothing in your op even hinted at the difficulties you've later posted in an epic drip-feed.

I really don't see what is wrong with mothers wanting to be appreciated.

I'm not a mum yet (I will be in a few days) but I always make a big effort for my own mum and I always have. Just because she's my mum doesn't mean I'm entitled to everything she does for me. She goes above and beyond and she's a human being in her own right, not just 'mum'.

OP probably felt she needed to justify herself after a pretty horrible kicking.

Right, they did do something, but with a rather bad grace and a general air of 'because I must' not 'because I want to/she deserves it'. Then 2 out of the 3 other members of the family acted out and were needlessly unpleasant.

I understand why that makes you feel sad and I don't think you are unreasonable to feel affronted.

I got just a card and I was thrilled!

Mumsnet is great for talking issues over, and drawing out what the problems might be, as some people have done on here. Mumsnet is crap for judgemental, rude comments that have taken no thought whatsoever. Thank you to all those people who have listened.