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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be tearful and upset?

112 replies

minxthemanx · 07/03/2016 16:58

Mother's day yesterday. No flowers, no small gift . One small card between the 2 DS (age 14 and 9 so old enough to sort it themselves). They'd written: love from.. Name. No message. Dh gave me a bowl of cereal for breakfast in bed, and had booked pizza express for tea. But shouted and slammed doors in the afternoon when I asked him to turn laptop down a bit (dh2 and I watching DVD, dh sits next to us and puts laptop on loudly. Arse. ). So I refused to go to pizza express, and told them all what i thought of them. My mum has sent me flowers today and I've been tearful ever since. Am I over reacting? I run round like a blue arsed fly for this family.

OP posts:
Yohoodlum · 07/03/2016 17:52

Sorry but it's another YABU from me. You sound like a lovely mum with normal 'slightly unappreciative' DC. Sad I'm not a fan of Mother's Day and don't acknowledge it either as a daughter or as a Mum. My adult DC don't acknowledge it either. We are a close family but we don't 'do' Mother's Day. I wouldn't like the thought that my DC only got me a card or present because they felt they had to otherwise I would be disappointed in them. That would feel like emotional blackmail.

I think you are being particularly unreasonable to be disappointed in the message that they wrote in their card.

I also think you overreacted by refusing to go to pizza express and I suspect next years Mothers Day is going to be awkward.

If I were you I would drop future Mother's Days but I would start insisting on plenty of gratitude for being a nice Mum the rest of the year.

If you don't want to drop Mother's Day how about removing the guesswork for your kids and spelling out yo them exactly what you expect from them in future. As you can see from this thread everyone has different expectations and unless your kids can read your mind how do you expect them to know what you want.

DarrenHardysDrongo · 07/03/2016 17:52

YABU.
However, it's not your fault that Mother's Day has apparently turned into some sort of materialistic competition over the last 20 years or so. And because of that I do think that other issues tend to be highlighted if MD is a disappointment.

A card from your DC, preferably hand made at school, and perhaps breakfast in bed. What's happened to that? Now it's all about DH/DP buying flowers, or jewellery Shock and going out for meals.

LadyB49 · 07/03/2016 17:52

I think that anything lacking shows up much more on mother's day (or Xmas etc).

Op is disappointed, I would have been also, but more at dh who might have given kids a gee up and guidance. Ok so maybe kids are old enough but clearly some guidance wouldn't have gone amiss.

Yohoodlum · 07/03/2016 17:53

Sorry for my crap English Blush

LineyReborn · 07/03/2016 17:54

OP, AIBU has become a horrible place a lot of the time. Hope you're ok.

FigMango1 · 07/03/2016 17:54

Yanbu op Your kids are very selfish and couldn't even be bothered to show that you deserve a bit of appreciation. Your 14yo is well old enough to have done more than throw you a lousy card! How did they get to be so selfish?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/03/2016 17:56

There are some posters who seem to relish getting the first YABU as a kneejerk. As MNHQ point out AIBU=/= Fightclub

SleepyBoBo · 07/03/2016 17:59

OP - most of your responses are going to be based on your opening post. Drip-feeding later doesn't help, we can only respond on the information given. So when you write about a perfectly normal, if a bit underwhelming Mothers Day, then drip-feed 'actually life is pretty darn tough, how horrible you lot are', you cannot be suprised when you get less symapthy than if you had explained fully at the start. As another poster said, if it's a case you have to wait all year to hope for a little appreciation, perhaps you need to change how much you get the rest of the year. On the face of it, you got as much as the next mum yesterday, so you need to deal with the underlying issues that make you feel like this.

Puffins12345 · 07/03/2016 17:59

The kids aren't selfish... They got a card... I don't see how that is being selfish

Original poster
minxthemanx · 07/03/2016 17:59

Hmmm well thank you to those who have talked thru things intelligently. Obviously my expectations/emotions were not quite right. I'll deal with it differently next year.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 07/03/2016 18:04

There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel appreciated. OP got a card and the offer of a meal out, so she did get something. However, if your kids, DH, DP are generally a bit shit at showing their appreciation it's not going to change just because Hallmark says it should, is it?

FigMango1 · 07/03/2016 18:04

Yes they were selfish, a lousy card where they couldn't even bother to write a little message? They sound like they got it because they had to and job done. And couldn't they have got her at least some chocolates or cheap bunch of flowers. It's the thought and small gestures that count, of which all of them couldn't even care to do.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 07/03/2016 18:06

Exactly SleepyBoBo.

Puffins12345 · 07/03/2016 18:08

Fig it's who brought them up... Kids learn about things like appreciation - it's not the kids fault that is why they're like that

Cutecat78 · 07/03/2016 18:08

What SleepyBoBo said.

Original poster
minxthemanx · 07/03/2016 18:08

Sleepybobo plenty of people on here have said iabu, without telling me I'm spoiled, precious or whiny. It isn't necessary.

OP posts:
harshbuttrue1980 · 07/03/2016 18:09

After your dripfeed... Do you think that perhaps your DH might also have been stressed about one of the kids being ill? If he had a child in intensive care, should spoiling you then be his first priority? You got breakfast in bed, a card and the offer of a meal out (that you threw your toys out of the pram about). You don't seem to be considering that, as the child's dad, your DH would have been just as upset as you.

Part of choosing to have kids is choosing to look after them. I don't see why so many mums on here want a medal. Get on with it, and be grateful that you have a decent husband and healthy children - lots of people don't.

SleepyBoBo · 07/03/2016 18:10

Yes they were selfish, a lousy card where they couldn't even bother to write a little message? They sound like they got it because they had to and job done. And couldn't they have got her at least some chocolates or cheap bunch of flowers. It's the thought and small gestures that count, of which all of them couldn't even care to do.

How is just getting some chocolate or a cheap bunch of flowers anymore showing affection than signing a card or breakfast in bed? They are all 'small gestures'. How many 'small geustures' need to be made in one day to make up for years of appreciating a parent? People really do take this day too seriously, don't they. If you don't feel appreciated every day other than MD, what is going to be different?

Joiningthegang · 07/03/2016 18:12

Have a hug op - some really harsh responses - I know a number of Mums who felt exactly the same as you - especially when your children are old enough to be lovely and the aren't x

xenapants · 07/03/2016 18:12

YABU. You sound more immature than your children.

Twixthecat · 07/03/2016 18:13

They acknowledged it was Mothers Day... that's an achievement!

On Saturday I light heartedly told DH I was looking forward to my lie in while he took DS the florist on Sunday morning. He looked rather panicked but I got my lie in and a lovely bunch of flowers!

Not exactly in the spirit of things, but I wouldn't get anything if I didn't make it clear I'd like something!

We did also have a lovely pub lunch... but I'd booked it and told DH that's what Id done and he could cancel it and do something more exciting if he preferred! He didn't.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 07/03/2016 18:13

After your dripfeed... Do you think that perhaps your DH might also have been stressed about one of the kids being ill? If he had a child in intensive care, should spoiling you then be his first priority? You got breakfast in bed, a card and the offer of a meal out (that you threw your toys out of the pram about). You don't seem to be considering that, as the child's dad, your DH would have been just as upset as you.

I actually do agree.

SleepyBoBo · 07/03/2016 18:16

Unfortunately, minxthemanx, threads about Mothers Day do seem to bring out anger in some posters, for reasons known only to them. I don't think you've acted spoiled, however I do think you were expecting too much out of the day. I understand where you're coming from, you were hoping for a 'good day', however I think sometimes when we expect something exceptional, it's always going to be a disappointment.

Buckinbronco · 07/03/2016 18:20

What more could you want?!

Well a card from each of them might be a start. And a present? This is a weird thread

Original poster
minxthemanx · 07/03/2016 18:21

Yep I def need to change expectations. Don't quite understand the post about dh being upset his child in intensive care... That was 5 years ago, and Dh went to a hockey tournament while said child having brain scans, but that's another whole thread! Don't think I'll bother! Like I said, years ago mumsnet was a place for discussion, ideas, helping you to get perspective. That has happened tonight, as I can see the problem is largely my emotional state/expectations. It is just not necessary to sling personal insults at people.

OP posts: