I know people are sick of this already, but am I?

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

It's Mother's Day. Obviously, there are probably a ton of threads already like this, and I'm really not a grabby person (honest!) so never thought I'd start one, but..

We don't 'do' Valentine's Day. We don't buy each other Christmas presents, just get stuff for others and for the kids. We don't 'do' our wedding anniversary. We don't buy each other Easter eggs... We didn't even give each other birthday presents last year. This is all suggested by him. And I'm bothered a bit because it's nice to celebrate things, but on all those occasions I agreed because it's not worth an argument and while it 'bothers' me... I'm not upset about it.

But right now, all I am is a mother. I feel like it's all I do. I'm not working, my youngest DD is so challenging and day in day out is battles with her, toddler group and two school runs.

He didn't suggest lunch or anything so I arranged lunch with both of our mothers.

This morning I woke up (DD was in my bed so very early!)... And made an effort to stay there for a bit in case of breakfast / a card / something coming my way!

But nothing.

So I went downstairs and the living room is a huge mess from last night when we had people over. I went to bed before him because I was knackered, and if it was me, I would've made the effort to tidy up or at least take glasses and stuff to the kitchen.

So I've tidied everything, older DD has given me a card she made at school, and that's lovely. But I'm a bit annoyed if I'm honest.

We have a cinematic light box thing on the side in our house, and yesterday was the dogs birthday and we wrote happy birthday in it for him.. (That makes me sound a bit weird but my DD loves it).. And my oldest DD said 'tomorrow we can have I love you mummy!' and I said that was sweet. So that was a gift wrapped idea for him but he didn't even do that... And that's free!!!

I'm being unreasonable, I know. I just wanted Some kind of acknowledgment. Sorry, I just needed to vent. I'm pissed off, there, I said it

HP sauce, I like that book too

Mine doesn't either OP. He does buy me the odd thing on random days so it doesn't mother me so much but never does Valentine's day, Christmas, MD, birthday.

I'd be feeling the same as you in your situation. It makes you feel one step up from a wet rag.

On Saturday I took dh's cash card and got my eyebrows threaded and bought an eye pencil. I knew he'd not do any mother's day stuff so I did it myself. I buy my own Christmas and birthday gifts.

When they get older the dcs will probably make cards at school and nursery.

I understand where you are coming from completely. I am with someone who doesn't celebrate things particularly and yesterday was a bit miserable.

He made the effort for HIS mum - as he pointed out, I'm not his mother.

Yeah, well my boy can't drive or use the kettle or the oven on his own. Dickhead.

DH comes from a culture where things like Mother's Day doesn't exist and birthdays aren't really celebrated. However, I am not prepared to let them pass unacknowledged so I have told him what I expect. We already had a bunch of flowers in the house and the DC had sports tournaments on Sunday so I said I would be happy with a card. So that is what I got, which was fine because it was how I chose to celebrate MD not DH deciding for me.

I think this is a little sad, for both OP and OP's kids. This year MD is right in the middle of birthdays for us and obvs very near Valentines and Easter. We are trying to move house and so didn't want to spend cash. We would have both been happy to bow out BUT the kids love the celebrations and the fuss and never want to get me much (roses, mug, keyring etc) but need help and support to do this.

I think its robbing the kids of a chance to have a little family celebration and moment.

OP - for your children tell your DH that he is a miserable sod and MD etc are lovely childhood memories.

My DH is a bit like this, although we 'do' birthdays things like Mother's Day and Valentines he tends to avoid. He's not very sensitive, or imaginative!

He does not take subtle hints. So explicitly, I said that I'd like him to do something with DD to help her celebrate. His suggestion was, 'I could buy you a packet of sunflower seeds to plant with her'.

That could be nice, I said encouragingly (with a big HMMMMM face inside) but perhaps you could walk a couple of streets with her to the florist and she can pick a small bunch of daffodils and you could help her buy them. It hadn't crossed his mind and he said, oh yes - if you like.

And that is what happened - no more, no less. I was very happy to receive the flowers and DD was very excited to go and buy the flowers with dad.

So perhaps if you lay out exactly what you'd like and he can follow your instructions, you may be in luck :-) (for next year!)

I am very confused by these men who don't " get it " . So you explain to your DP/H that it matters to you and they ignore it . It's not a " lack of understanding " issue, it's a CBA issue .

I might not " get it " why someone might be a vegetarian. But if you are coming to my house for dinner, I would cook you vegetarian food , because you are my friend and my guest and I care about your feelings .

What If I said

" oh I don't get vegetarianism I wasn't brought up that way and I can't see why it matters , it's all just a stupid fashion "

and served you a steak, wouldn't you think I was being rude or even aggressive and insulting ? Would you perhaps wonder why I invited you for dinner in the first place, or what point I was trying to make ?

Perhaps you would just smile indulgently and say

" oh women , they are all like that , they are not very sensitive or imaginative ! It's my own fault, I should have brought a cheese sandwich "

Nail hitting head, Kr1stina.

Spot on Kr1stina!

The problem is not 'men', it's the fact that OP is in a horrible relationship where her partner doesn't care about what she wants or how she feels. She can't even express a preference because it will end in a row.

This won't change. It will carry on like this because OP isn't willing to make the necessary changes.

Aww it makes me feel sad that u don't exchange any gifts...its a way of saying I love you, I've thought about you and I've made an effort for you. It's not totally necessary and I'm not saying he doesn't love you, just he can't b arsed showing you that he does. I'd speak to him if it makes you sad. My husband would love it if I just bought my own things I'm sure but now I've trained him he's really good at gift buying and the verses in the cards are usually fabulous and thoughtful. It makes me love him that little bit more on that day. It's not much to expect to be spoiled one day a year! Talk to him.

Yanbu OP but you need to talk to him.