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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think its actually ok to be pissed off at having a shit Mothers Day?

140 replies

Bogeyface · 06/03/2016 02:31

All these posts about "entitled" women wanting diamonds and generally taking the piss are really horrible and not really what MN is about surely?

Its ok to be disappointed you know!

There will be some women who go over and above for their families and no one acknowledges that. A card, a few flowers, is that really too much to ask?

No my husband is not my child, but I am the mother of his children and its not too much to expect him to help them, remind them and encourage them. Kids, especially teens, are notoriously self centered so saying "They are old enough to do it themselves" is true in theory but not in practice. A reminder of "Dont forget its Mothers Day on Sunday, have you made mum a card yet?" is all it takes.

And sometimes being ignored on Mothers Day hurts because it is just another little straw on the camels back.

Frankly I think its disgusting that people find it entertaining to take the piss out of women who are feeling low, unloved and not cared for. Sure its become a Hallmark Holiday but that doesnt negate the feelings of a woman who wakes up tomorrow to just another day with a husband who doesnt think that her efforts as a mother justify recognition so buys his own mother a bouquet but doesnt help his kids do anything for their mother.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 06/03/2016 21:48

It is utterly shit. It happened to me more times than I care to mention.

My kids are grown up now and it's all good - chocs and cards etc.

I wish I'd had the balls to just forget about helping the kids get something for Father's day, when they were small. See how he'd have liked it.

Lurkedforever1 · 06/03/2016 22:01

bogey dc raised by lps don't remember in older years because of what their fathers taught them in their early years. They remember because of the general influence of their mums in their upbringing to be thoughtful. So if an older child with two parents forgets, it's just as much down to the mum as the father for raising them that way.

Harvey246 · 06/03/2016 22:13

Totally agree with this xx

Chickenpie1 · 06/03/2016 22:23

I wanted to post something today as feel wretched! I hate Mother's Day. I hate the fact that everyone is gushing everywhere about how wonderful and supportive their mothers are. I don't want to pretend mine is.

I remember all the Mother's Days when everyone around me had children and I couldn't get pregnant. I have two wonderful but challenging adopted children but still feel grief for the baby I couldn't have.
I am a terrible mum, I feel I can't meet my children's emotional needs and am desperately trying to quash the feeling that my husbands indifference today is a reflection on this rather than as he states that he hates over commercialised holidays made up by hallmark.
I'm not an ungrateful cow. I just feel shit

BadtzMaru · 06/03/2016 22:32

It is about more than just the present or lack of. I got a card from DD that she made at school which I love and praised DD to the heavens for but it's highlighted the fact that DH has done fuck all. No shop bought card for DD to write in, no little present for her to wrap up which she was a bit upset about, she gave me the school card on Friday so had nothing new to give today.

He has put in zero effort, doubt it would have occurred to him to get up early and make breakfast or even a cup of tea in bed. It's just confirmed to me that we're only really together for DD. We live more as housemates than a real couple. Something has to change.

Joiningthegang · 06/03/2016 23:32

I sobbed on and off all day - husband was fab - chocs flowers and a book (the wrong one but oh well) - nice card made by ds3 but sweet fa from ds9 or (and this really hurt) dd14 - spent day in tears, none of them gave a shit - huge pile of ironing, loads of tidying
Am writing off today - it was shit
But at least call the midwife enables me to get all the tears out!!!

alegna41 · 07/03/2016 08:09

I think it depends on what each person classes as a rubbish day, I didn't get breakfast in bed, or expensive gifts or even my cards in the morning but my Eldest DD (20) was in work at 7 am the other (17) left the house at 8am to travel to work on public transport my DS should have been playing ruby, but called off so visited MIL then we took him for new cadet boots then to cadet training, picked both DD's up from work at 3 pm travelled home, received cards and small gifts then about 4.30pm. BUT this wasn't a rubbish mothers days my DD's are following my example and earning there own money showing me they have a work ethic, my DS (13) has my activities that involve interacting with other human beings not a screen. All making me a very happy, prude mamma bear.

Janeyjanejane · 07/03/2016 08:14

Mum died when I was a child. DH died 3 years ago. DC too young to organise or pay for anything themselves.
Bought myself large box of chocolates and retired to bed for the afternoon. Job done for another year.

Janeyjanejane · 07/03/2016 08:17

Just wish Chris Evans would stop going on about it all morning the next day. We've got through it. We want to forget about it.

Savagebeauty · 07/03/2016 08:56

Chris Evans is a total cock.
He should shut up full stop about his children. Who cares?

guesswhatageiam · 07/03/2016 09:10

I agree with the op. I make a big deal of dh on Father's Day - my oldest is 5 but since she was tiny I bought a small gift and card and we have a nice lunch or dinner.

Dh has always done the same for me. Yesterday I was given breakfast in bed, champagne, flowers, a teddy and a card. Dd1 had also made a bag of homemade things in school and was so proud of them all. I was taken to wagamamas for lunch. It was lovely and i felt totally and utterly spoiled.

Because dd1 is now far more aware of Mother's Day, she was definitely a driving factor on all the effort that dh went to as she asked to go to the shops to pick me some things and, while it was only tesco, I was over the moon.

It's just nice to feel appreciated. It doesn't need to be expensive. (This year I was quite taken aback by how much I was give)

So I totally get it when people are upset when no effort is made. It would piss me off even more has I gone to the effort of buying mil's gift for dh and for him not to think of me.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 07/03/2016 09:43

I haven't read all the posts but it's fine to be pissed off sometimes! And it's fine to vent, it's healthy.

Something like Mother's Day is down to expectations/traditions/preference. It'll be different for everyone for many reasons so if you feel crap for whatever reason then get pissed off. I do agree I find it hard work when someone has a moan to be met with comments like 'my children just made me a card out of yesterday's paper with a twig stuck to it, I'm thrilled, anyone who wants differently is entitled blah blah.'

Norisca · 07/03/2016 09:58

abbsismyhero I'm glad your ex is your ex. My ex behaved like that all the time and it was part of a pattern of abuse. Even with no OH to get my LB to buy me a card or make me a gift, Mother's Day is much much happier without him!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/03/2016 11:30

DS1's school run a Mothers' Day stall at school - everyone pays $5 (about £2.50 currently) for a ticket ahead of time, one ticket for each present. Grandparents are catered for too, as some children are brought up but their grandparents. DS1 loves this because it gives him the chance to get his own choice of present for me (of course I give him the $5 though). Last year, he was given $10 so he could get 2 presents, one from him and one from DS2. He LOVED that! (DS2 was only 2 at the time so couldn't have cared less but DS1 was thrilled). I don't get anything else via DH from the boys. DS1 does his own cards too, and writes DS2's name in for him.

We also do a Fathers' Day stall as well; so guess what, that's all that DH gets for Fathers' Day too Grin.

Fair's fair...

TendonQueen · 07/03/2016 19:23

There are some real pieces of work around, that's for sure.

Rufus I'd be tempted to say 'Actually, you can just go for the whole two weeks without me, I'll stay at home and that'll be my holiday'.

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