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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think its actually ok to be pissed off at having a shit Mothers Day?

140 replies

Bogeyface · 06/03/2016 02:31

All these posts about "entitled" women wanting diamonds and generally taking the piss are really horrible and not really what MN is about surely?

Its ok to be disappointed you know!

There will be some women who go over and above for their families and no one acknowledges that. A card, a few flowers, is that really too much to ask?

No my husband is not my child, but I am the mother of his children and its not too much to expect him to help them, remind them and encourage them. Kids, especially teens, are notoriously self centered so saying "They are old enough to do it themselves" is true in theory but not in practice. A reminder of "Dont forget its Mothers Day on Sunday, have you made mum a card yet?" is all it takes.

And sometimes being ignored on Mothers Day hurts because it is just another little straw on the camels back.

Frankly I think its disgusting that people find it entertaining to take the piss out of women who are feeling low, unloved and not cared for. Sure its become a Hallmark Holiday but that doesnt negate the feelings of a woman who wakes up tomorrow to just another day with a husband who doesnt think that her efforts as a mother justify recognition so buys his own mother a bouquet but doesnt help his kids do anything for their mother.

OP posts:
SuperCee7 · 06/03/2016 08:36

My OH hasn't helped or encourage our 2 year old do anything for Mother's Day this year. I really don't care. I had to get up at 7am this morning to drive him to work too....

But the point it he supports me in so many different ways. I'd pick that over some cheap tat one day of the year. If you're not being supported by your partner then Mother's Day is the least of your issues.

BipBippadotta · 06/03/2016 08:36

Allnames I hear you. Flowers

HoggleHoggle · 06/03/2016 08:37

Orange you are not being unreasonable at all.

OrangeNoodle · 06/03/2016 08:39

He works away during the week emily so I don't know Confused. I do everything during the week and work full time.

He cooks and does a bit of laundry but that's about it.

I feel neglected in lots of ways actually. DS comes with a lot of extra 'admin' due to his disabilities and 90% of this is done by me.

Chocolatteaddict1 · 06/03/2016 08:40

We celebrate all holidays in our house. Even when it was just dd1 and I for a along time we always managed to do something I used to help her make a mothersday day card then we would stand and appreciate it stuck on the wall.

Halloween, Easter, Bon fire night, pancake day... Ect.. We liked making the effort.

So why would mothersday be any different? I think some people like to believe that other women should expect nothing and it you do want to be shown something it means you are nasty and grabby. Being a mother does not have to be a thankless job. If other women cultivate that feeling in their own house then that's down to them. We like spoiling each other on ours

Any excuse in out house to have a specail day and I can honestly say not a single penny goes to hallmark!!

ShrimpieFlintshire · 06/03/2016 08:41

You're right OP. It's all a middle ground. Yes the princess brigade are annoying, but tbh the "you shouldn't expect anything, I would find a card and a bunch of daffs disgusting" brigade are just a bunch of goady whingebags who are doing it all in self defence.

RollerGirl7 · 06/03/2016 08:41

I'm having a shit mothers day but it's much more a relationship issue as my ds is 3.

Please without any flaming would be keen to see if people think I being a process or justified in being disappointed.

Presents - a mug ( probably the 3rd mug I've got the year)
Flowers - he's just told me he's got some and said he'll leave them in the sink for me
Tiny cushion - cute but the kind of tat that is useful for nothing

Breakfast - he's been talking about making me breakfast in bed ( I as dreaming of a special breakfast on a nice tray with maybe a flower, pot of tea cute stuff that I do for him when making him breakfast in bed) but I it was standard toast.

Outing - we were talking early in the week abut going to a nice seaside town with ds and having a nice little day, we've both had a long week but without acknowledging the change in plans he said that he thinks we should go to the local park and we can get lunch in the nice cafe there as he loves it. I'm too tired to start a fight so just made some comment about how I don't really like the food there but he brushed it off with there'll be something you can eat.

Effort - he didn't sit down with ds to make me a handmade card
The presents and card were bought yesterday afternoon - all from Clinton
Lie in - I've had a lie in today but he had one yesterday so just our normal weekend routine, he's being snappy and short tempered with ds so I'm sat in bed worrying about how fun today is going to be.

Sorry that was awful long and does derail but I'm sat here feeling sad / unappreciated, id like some perspectove from others and it's a good example of why these threads are needed without people jumping on posters about being ungrateful or precious.

switswoo81 · 06/03/2016 08:42

Just got a lovely ( gaudy ) mothers day teddy because according to my dh one year old dd wouldn't let it go in shops so therefore she picked it out ! Id say it has to do with the pink sparkly love hearts on it!
Mother's day is important to me which is funny because we don't do Valentines day etc.one of my hardest memories is bursting into tears in m and s at the card section the day after my 3rd miscarriage. So I feel it's more a celebration of how far we have come.

SweetieXPie · 06/03/2016 08:43

My DH has just been called out to work 😔
I have homemade cards from all of the DC's from school and nursery etc which I love and much prefer to shop bought.
I am not one of these that thinks I should be getting spa days etc, I am very realistic wife and mother, we run a business, have three young children and a big mortgage. A cup
of tea and a hug from the children is enough. It is nice to have some recognition of the day, I would be sad if the day went by un noticed x

Chocolatteaddict1 · 06/03/2016 08:46

Also when mothers don't get any recognition on mothersday it's funny how it gets referred to as 'cheap tat' - just saying.

Oh it reminds me of Valentine's Day - where my friends boyfriends had wrote on her wall something along the lines off ' xxxx i havnt bought you some some cheap chocolates or flowers from Aldi because I love you more than life it's self and and words and cheap gift could not even express that"
She wrote underneath " awwwwww xx"

Cheap bastard! Grin

ohtheholidays · 06/03/2016 08:49

Fucking Well Said OP!

I agree 100% there was a thread on here yesterday slating the poor OP and saying your not his Mum,no but she is the bloody reason he gets to get called Dad!

And I honestly can't remember women on here acting the same when it comes to Fathers Day,I've never seen anyone go well he's not her Dad.It wreaks of Double Standards!

I am one of the very lucky one's,my DH never forgets Mothers Day and so neither do the children.I've woke up 2 two powerpoints one our DD12 made and it made me cry and one our DD8 autistic and disabled made me one and that made me cry as well.I've also been bought some lovely gifts and 2 cards as well.But I'm really lucky because he does appreciate me all the time,not just as Mum or his Wife or his Best Friend he appreciates me for being me,had to put that last bit in because on these kinds of threads there's usually a few posters(the same as on Valentines Day)who try and slate the rest of us that have been treated well,with all that crap that get's spewed out all over here of the "Well I don't need a day,my DH/OH/DP treats me well all the time" Blah Blah Blah yes and so does mine Grin Really feel like they should have a little Devil sign on here Grin

And to all on here that are Mothers,StepMothers,Taking the place of a Mother I hope you all have a Lovely day and that your all being appreciated for all that you do and all the sacrifices that you make and if you have a man in your life who's not acting like he appreciates you and all you do for your family I hope that he develops Itchy Arse syndrome for the next week. Wink

Only1scoop · 06/03/2016 08:52

Agree Op

And bloody well said too

Goes for birthdays also....

Happy Mother's Day to all

iwuddarryl · 06/03/2016 08:54

I made an interesting observation about adult children.
Has anybody noticed that:.
It's usually the mothers who were hard as nails and very strict with their children when they were little (to the point of being neglectful at times) who seem to end up with adult children who 'can't do enough for them' and will buy them expensive presents and take them for expensive spa days on MD.

On the other hand, mothers who did a lot with their children when they little and gave them lots of hugs and love and attention, very often end up with adult children who don't go overboard about mothers day.

Maybe the second lot of adult children aren't trying to buy their parents love? Hmm
Those of us who only get a card and a few flowers from our adult children have done a good job at being a parent..
It's another way of looking at it.

I would like to hear a psychiatrist pov as to why this happens.

StrumpersPlunkett · 06/03/2016 08:55

I worry about morphing into my mother constantly.
We were each at boarding school aged 7-18 so no demands made on us at all (in return a card mostly late arrived on our birthdays)
All a bit of a shock when after school days were over we had a demanding tantruming mother over Mother's Day her birthday and their wedding anniversary!

I have not yet adapted to this new expectation even though I am now over 40 years old! I send a card and buy a gift for her birthday but it is not out of love or care it is pure conflict avoidance.
I do love her and care for her and I see her once a fortnight ish. She is a better grandma than she was a mother it is just this need to show on these days that makes me feel v uneasy.

Only1scoop · 06/03/2016 08:57

Roller

It's fine to feel like that.

You Pop DC in the car and drive to the lovely sea side town you like. Show them how it's nice to do extra special things occasionally especially on certain days.

Thanks
DontOpenDeadInside · 06/03/2016 08:57

A card and maybe breakfast in bed is all i want. However the dds love to be able to give me something, whether thats a small bunch of flowers, a bracelet msde of loom bands, a pretty picture they've drawn. They've always loved giving me something. Dd1 is 12 now so I gave her £10 and she bought me flowers and chocolate and balloons!!?? Lol But the best bit for me is seeing how happy/proud they are of themselves. Dd2(7) has "issues" and never really makes the effort, and thats ok with me too.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 06/03/2016 09:11

I agree with you too op.
Most of the mothers complaining about rubbish a Mother's Day are upset that no one bothered to give them any consideration.
No one showed them any kindness on a day where everyone is encouraged to show some kindness to their mother. Most women have said they'd be happy with a small thing like a card, a cup of tea or a lie in.
Small acts of kindness can make such a difference in someone's life and I get the impression that most of the mothers that are upset don't have that ever.

Nydj · 06/03/2016 09:21

OP, you are absolutely right! I don't think things will change but I wish there were more posters like you around as at the moment, it looks like the first thought in a lot of posters mind seems to be 'how can I knock the OP's feelings?' rather than 'is there anyway I can be supportive to the OP?'

PovertyPain · 06/03/2016 09:24

Actually, I've had a good giggle at some of the stories on the other thread. There have also been some very sad stories, so I don't think it's a case of mocking the genuinely sad mums on MD. I've also posted on it. I think some people are taking the thread too seriously.

This is my first Mother's Day without my dear husband. His birthday has just passed, mine is coming up and it is his anniversary soon. I'm a shell of the person I was, without him and I will spend time at his grave today, as I do every day. I will also take flowers to my wonderful mil's grave and nothing to to my fucker of a 'd'm. I'm hoping that my two old and sick cats don't have to go before his anniversary as the kids will be distraught, as we already lost one while my DH was dying.

I still don't have a problem with the other thread. I also don't see anyone mocking those in genuine pain, just the ridiculous mothers that expect too much.

emilybrontescorset · 06/03/2016 09:41

Orange- can you go out or do something nice for yourself when your dh gets back?

I really feel for you.

Your dh sounds very inconsiderate but I know how hard it is.

emilybrontescorset · 06/03/2016 09:46

Yes all the smug ' oh I'm happy with my breakfast in bed and home made card, ' Brigade.

At least you got that!

Imagine never ever getting a cuppa brought to you. Imagine always, always being the one who has to get up and make it.

Imagine never ever having someone do the smallest of things for you.

Some people live horrible lives and are treated like dirt by the ones who are supposed to love them.

My ex fil used to say his wife was not his mother. True but he was not her son either yet he wanted her to treat him like it.

IthinkIamsinking · 06/03/2016 09:52

Agree OP
The other thread is really unpleasant.
Flowers to those who are feeling sad today

OrangeNoodle · 06/03/2016 09:53

Thanks emily, I could go out later. I might just go for a long stroll on the beach.

No idea what DH is up to. I'm in bed with the cat. He seems to be showering now so I'm assuming the run is off the cards.

I'm feeling exceedingly grumpy and need to snap out of it.

FigMango1 · 06/03/2016 09:54

Yanbu op.

I don't really mind people posting about their day being good. It's great when people feel appreciated and loved.
However tramping someone else while doing so is nasty. There will be a lot of unhappy homes today, I don't see how anyone can be so gleeful about that.

ForalltheSaints · 06/03/2016 09:57

Of course its OK to be disappointed.

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