to think its actually ok to be pissed off at having a shit Mothers Day?

[Bogeyface]

All these posts about "entitled" women wanting diamonds and generally taking the piss are really horrible and not really what MN is about surely?

Its ok to be disappointed you know!

There will be some women who go over and above for their families and no one acknowledges that. A card, a few flowers, is that really too much to ask?

No my husband is not my child, but I am the mother of his children and its not too much to expect him to help them, remind them and encourage them. Kids, especially teens, are notoriously self centered so saying "They are old enough to do it themselves" is true in theory but not in practice. A reminder of "Dont forget its Mothers Day on Sunday, have you made mum a card yet?" is all it takes.

And sometimes being ignored on Mothers Day hurts because it is just another little straw on the camels back.

Frankly I think its disgusting that people find it entertaining to take the piss out of women who are feeling low, unloved and not cared for. Sure its become a Hallmark Holiday but that doesnt negate the feelings of a woman who wakes up tomorrow to just another day with a husband who doesnt think that her efforts as a mother justify recognition so buys his own mother a bouquet but doesnt help his kids do anything for their mother.

Doubleshotlatte - your H sounds like an arsehole TBH. Is he normally as rude and twattish to his 3 & 6 y/o kids?

I don't have kids so as another poster put it, I don't have a horse in this race. However I think it's entirely reasonable to want to be recognised, as part of a national day for celebrating your Mum. There are some people who are genuinely not bothered about having anything. However there are plenty who are bothered - and there's nothing wrong with that. If I had a child I think I would be hurt not to receive anything to acknowledge the day.

Its not so much about the gifts/card/flowers - more the actual thought that goes into it. If you have young DC then it says that your partner has taken some time to remember you, to think about you and say 'thank you'. That's why the last minute scramble stings - because it's basically a message that they didn't think. It's particularly galling if you make the effort for them in return. It's also why the lack of any effort at all - or the refusal to engage with it (an approach commonly justified as 'commercialised bullshit'), is even worse - because it tells you that not only haven't they bothered to think about you but they don't actually value your efforts or think you are worth the trouble.

There will be relationships where the partner is kind and thoughtful in other ways - nobody is perfect and everybody has their quirks. However more often than not the dismissive, cobbled-together responses that you see women getting upset about, are a symptom of a relationship where she doesn't feel valued and appreciated for the other 364 days of the year either. Mothering Sunday just happens to shine a bright spotlight on those deeper relationship issues, which can be a difficult and unwelcome thing to have to face.

to all the Mums who haven't had anything this year.

I feel sad. I just wanted DH to bring the baby in with a card and a cup of tea. It's not about the money or gifts. It's about feeling unloved because you haven't been thought of.

I've had enough today too.

Dh is on call so we can't do anything. The dc demanded to go swimming so we did. That's me and the dc while dh "cleaned". I though it'd be nice to maybe take the dc (aged 8 and 5) out for a cake but dc1 had a massive strop about the café being too far away, too busy blah blah blah. She's now in her room. The strop was also because I wanted a quick brew before we set off. Which was actually only my second brew of the day because I had to take them swimming (I love swimming as it happens but I had my hair cut and coloured yesterday and would have liked 24 hours of looking nice)

So we aren't going.

I can't even take myself for cake because dh is on call and if he gets called he'll have to go and we've noone to watch the dc.

Dd2 has started stropping about what we're having for dinner tonight already.

I had a "lovely lie in" til 8.15 which dh decided was late enough. 8.15 ffs.

I am alone today because my estranged Husband has the children. I am finding it very hard as I don't want to be in this situation and he refused to bring one of the children back (they stay an hour away) who wanted to be with me, saying I had to go and get him.

On the other hand, all of them have made a card for me (even the 2 1/2 year-old was taken away to make one for me by a friend), and the older two had a shopping trip (I has to take them, but, even so!) where the bought me what they planned to buy me (I had to hide at the checkouts!), even the child who is blaming me for her Father's departure, and that means an awful lot.

They also picked some thoughtful gifts at the School's PTFA sale (everything a £1, one each).

Finally, several friends have sent me gifts, with loving messages about my value as a human and a Mother, even if my estranged Husband doesn't recognise it.

I have much to be thankful for, even whilst it all feels so bleak.

Oh, and a lovely friend who cleaned-up my sick when I blocked her washbasin after a very rare party last night, when I drank too much because I am not eating properly (and so had little ballast) and I was feeling so sorry for myself.

Do you know, going off some of the replies on here - some Dh are right cunts

My shit Mother's Day is because my mum is dead!

I got wonderful gifts and am appreciated every day by my family but nothing will make up for not having a mum around.

Makes people whinging about not getting great presents bloody stupid and insignificant.

Why are you with these men?
And I say that as someone who put up with 20 years of EA. It makes me very sad to think of so many women in miserable existences.

OP happy Mother's Day !

Fathers day, I bought ds a bottle of wine to give his dad, and gave him some money to buy a card, a small present and a Dine in for £10 job so he could cook for him. For his dad's birthday, I did the same only I gave extra cash so ds could take his dad out for lunch.

My birthday? Ds bought me a well chosen gift and card from his allowance. Ditto Christmas. Ditto today (minus the gift).

These tiny things are just a few little reminders of why his father is my ex, and totally symbolise all that was wrong about our relationship.

YANBU, op.

My mum is dead too, Twinkle. It certainly takes the shine off, but it doesn't invalidate the hurt women whose partners are thoughtless and self-centred experience.

Well said, Handsome.

Some people just like to have a pop at anyone who dares expect anything from anyone else. Do I expect my DH to remind the children about Mother's Day and my birthday? Damn right I do. Just like he knows I'll do the same for his birthday and Father's Day. There's nothing wrong with wanting one day a year where there's a tiny bit of appreciation specifically for the cleaning up of puke, changing shitty nappies and being a Brownie's/Football/Swimming lesson chauffeur.

Any disappointments are made worse by the fact that there are so many public shows of what other people do - on shop shelves, tv, social media and friends so any forgetting is highlighted.

Mothering Sunday also significantly pre-dates Hallmark.

Driving round to his mums said

"I dont want to see my dad on fathers day, i think fathers day should be all about me"

Then got drunk over the 3.5 hours we were there and is now annoying the chikdren one of whom has just offer HIM a coffee (one assumes to sober him up)

Sorry for all those having poo mothers days

Oh ffs Rufus. I am on your behalf.

Twinkle I truly understand how losing your own mum makes mother's day difficult. I think - almost a decade on - this is the first year it's not been so painful. Same with Christmas. Even with children of your own, it's difficult when you're no longer somebody's child I think.

Finally getting away from my self-absorbed ex has probably helped too, mind.

Regardless, have some

I genuinely couldn't care a jot about Mother's Day. DH forgot to get the children to write the cards he bought last minute but so what? I can't get worked up about one day in the year to be appreciated, I know my kids love me, and my relationship with DH is good. I'm not used or taken for granted and a lack of card and thought certainly doesn't change that.

I think if everything else is hunkey dorey Sister, things like missing Mother's Day are not such a big deal. But when you're consistently run down/unsupported/ignored or worse, you think, as you lie in bed waiting for a cup of tea that never arrives, that today of all days someone might give a damn.

handsome

He has gone to bed and over lunch apparently we are going on holiday for two weeks next year with his extended family and when i said i would prefer one week he said "well you can go home early then"

And honestly he is usually such a lovely man

He is in such trouble tomorrow

We wouldnt normally do anything today, i am honestly not fussed, but i did think we could watch a film with a bottle of wine and the kids and just be generally lazy

Sister you are not bothered, thats fine, no is saying you should be.

But as I said above, for many women MD or birthdays just highlight how little they are thought of by their own families. Seeing threads on MN about lunches out, bouquets, spa days () etc just makes it worse, so when someone posts about feeling like shit at yet another "official" day being ignored, its disgraceful that some people take the piss.

What was it a pp called it? A verbal wank at someone elses misery? Something like that, but apt and absolutely accurate.

There has been more than one thread about a lack of a Xmas present or similar, that has led to the OP seeing for the first time that they are being taken for granted at best, or downright abused at worst. So to take the piss out of women who do post is doing them a disservice by not offering the support they are asking for, and not giving them the helping hand to recognise and deal with the way they are being mistreated.

No normal decent woman expects diamonds, they just expect to be treated with love and respect. I dont see that its funny or precious to feel sad that they are not.

sister sorry I should add that I know you werent saying they were being precious etc, so I apologise as it does read as if I was accusing you of that. I was just restating my reasons for feeling the way I do about those threads that do take the piss.

My own opinion is that your dh should remind dc when they are up to primary, but you bring your children up to be appreciative, thoughtful, etc.
They should have this sussed as teenagers, but stropping and being downright horrible on Mother's Day, you just don't do it.
So it's not just the dh to blame if they don't remind young ones, it's the horrible attitude of some children, that WE raised.

Twinkie-My Mum's dead too. I feel her loss very keenly on Mother's day. I don't think anyone here is complaining because they haven't been given great presents. I think people are hurt at what a lack of effort represents.

I'm a mother now and I like a bit of fuss! I got cards, cuddles, a cd, a plant and a chocolate bar, we went for a nice walk together. I'm not unappreciated throughout the year, I'm valued, but I see nothing wrong with having a day a year where I get a little bit spoilt. Only on mn would that make someone, "grabby" or worse still "entitled"!

NewLife Sometimes yes they forget. But sometimes they are raised to think that Mum isnt important enough to remember. If Dad never bothered to help them or remind them as young children, he has instilled the message that Mothers Day is not important and can be forgotten.

Raising children isnt just down to us, they get their life lessons from both parents.

I agree Bogey.

Mum is dead. Dad is in hospital. And teen DS didn't bother to even make me so much as a cup of tea.

Do I win?

But seriously, am I allowed to think 'you little shit'?!

Crying here and feeling so stupid for being upset.

He saw me buy three sets of flowers yesterday - one for my own mum, two for his female family members. We even discussed the card for his mum..

Yet he never checked with my young kids who of course had nothing - one had left it at school on Friday, the other one didn't make one in class. So I had nothing this morning. And he wasn't in this morning so no-one mentioned the day till I did. Even his mum felt sorry for me when she got here.

I am a fool.