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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to mourn the space where my mother's heart should be?

108 replies

vandasma · 03/03/2016 22:05

Came home in floods of tears couple days ago after awful commute. Woman on platform took a swing at me when I wouldn't let her push me back into the train and board facing me (there were 2 inches between me and the door, I had to lean my face back when it closed).

Luckily, the guy next to me caught the woman's hand and started shouting at her as did other commuters. (I'm 4 months pregnant, huge bump and "baby on board" badge).

When I got home and told my mum (babysitting that day),she listened to the whole thing and then asked me why I was crying! !

"The man caught her hand right - so she didn't actually hit you? What are you crying about then? "

Unreasonable to burst into tears again? Hubby thinks I should give her a break as her generation were "different."

OP posts:
spidey66 · 04/03/2016 07:36

The Baby On Board badges are given by TfL. I think they're a good idea....I've been sat thinking ''Should I offer her a seat? Is she pregnant or just eaten all the pies?'' They help to prevent embarrassment on both sides.

scribblegirl · 04/03/2016 07:36

*badges, not babes!!!

coffeetasteslikeshit · 04/03/2016 07:40

OP your thread title made me laugh, I love the drama of it, it reminded me of old, when MN was funnier.

Your DM sounds like mine. She doesn't do physical affection or sympathy. I think it's just the way she was brought up.

[Flowers] for what sounds like a hideous day and for having to commute into London at all.

Birdsgottafly · 04/03/2016 07:40

""Lots of people asked if mum was usually insensitive - not sure I'd go that far but she is made from tough stuff and really doesn't understand where I get my "sensitivity" from.""

I used to be like that, after being bought up that way.

I've taught myself to sympathise and agree that people/times can be crappy, rather than minimise things, in a "just get on with it", type of way.

That was after completing counselling and other qualifications etc.

I totally understood your title, my Mother was famous for making you feel even worse. It's my first Motjers Day without her and it's a side to her that I don't miss.

You've just got to accept how she is and look for support from your DH.

NickiFury · 04/03/2016 07:40

Someone says something nasty and dismissive and it's like many of you seem to think it's a huge free for all when you can all pile in and compete in saying the thing that will make the OP feel the most like shit. Nasty Sheep like behaviour.

liz70 · 04/03/2016 07:41

For all those who took the title of this thread literally, ffs don't ever read any poetry. You'd be baffled by all that allegory and metaphor. Hmm

Original poster
vandasma · 04/03/2016 07:53

Thank you balloonslayer. I find I am the complete opposite of dm with my two aswell - the whole "stiff upper lip" thing is harmful for little ones.

Resilience comes from inner confidence not repression.

OP posts:
Katenka · 04/03/2016 08:02

For all those who took the title of this thread literally, ffs don't ever read any poetry. You'd be baffled by all that allegory and metaphor.

get a grip. I studied English lit thanks very much.

However, I don't expect to read mn as poetry.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 04/03/2016 08:13

liz 😂😂😂

If you say so Smile

dolkapots · 04/03/2016 08:15

Leelu I read the title as being related to organ donation, and I consider myself to have more than half a brain cell, thanks. Key words: mourn, mother, heart. MN is not an analytical poetry site. A lot of people click on misleading titles like this threads and post "Oh I was expecting it to be about x y z..."

OP that sounds like a scary experience. Your mother was not very sympathetic. Perhaps a more appropriate title would have been "AIBU to be upset that my mother did not sympathize with me?" "Mourning" is a very emotive word nearly always associated with death.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 04/03/2016 08:16

Spot on Nicki

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 04/03/2016 08:17

And anyone that bothered report to mnhq

Less drama though Confused

ReasonablyIntelligent · 04/03/2016 08:18

I was expecting something along the lines of the poster who's mother refused to leave the man who had been sexually abusing her daughter for 15+ years.

Sounds like a crap day, OP so Flowers but I'm not sure you're Mum did anything particularly bad.

pippistrelle · 04/03/2016 08:19

You'd be baffled by all that allegory and metaphor.

I'm also baffled when people think their experience, their understanding is the only way possible.

People are different: who knew?

Original poster
vandasma · 04/03/2016 08:20

Well, Seriously, your mum sounds amazing - you clearly won the lottery there.

Unfortunately mine, like most, is flawed and I therefore reserve the right to moan anonymously about her when she shows less empathy than complete strangers.

I'm sorry that you feel this is somehow inappropriate in light of your own mother but this thread is not about her/you.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 04/03/2016 09:42

"I think it's a little bit odd to be wearing a baby on board badge at 4 months"

Really?

Aren't they precisely for wearing when it's not obvious you are pregnant? ie you don't need to wear one at 8 months gone as any fool can see you're pregnant and not just a little overweight.

Never mind that, if I was 4 months pregnant with TWINS and having to brave the bloody tube I would be lobbying London Transport for a BABIES on board badge.

BarbarianMum · 04/03/2016 10:02

"I think it's a little bit odd to be wearing a baby on board badge at 4 months"

I found the first 4 months of pregnancy way harder than the last 4. And I wasn't carrying twins, so huge kudos to the OP just for surviving day to day - I think I'd have wanted a banner and trumpets, not just a badge.

RoseBud999 · 04/03/2016 10:16

I think people are being unnecessarily catty and mean on this thread. I can't see why anyone would interpret the title as being about organ donation, or a dead parent. This is certainly not the most melodramatic title ever to be seen in MN's history, and I can't see the big issue over wearing a badge either! They didn't introduce them to be saved collector items...Confused

I would feel the same way if someone had attempted to attack me on public transport. It's stressful enough using it as it is. And being pregnant has it's own physical effects - twins at that! Your mother is supposed to be a nurturing and caring figure, and a source of comfort. Her response was cold and indifferent, and it is understandable that you were more upset by that. My mother has become more and more like this as she has grown older, I can't talk to her as I used to, and these days I have learned not to. Hopefully you feel better today Thanks

StDogolphin · 04/03/2016 10:29

I found your title clear and obvious. YANBU and it must make you sad to have such a hard hearted mother.

Emzyt1 · 04/03/2016 10:40

Lol if this was me and I told my mum this happened , she'd be wanting to report this woman to the police on behalf of me hahaha!!

Pyjamaramadrama · 04/03/2016 10:50

I had to read the title twice but I understood what it meant. Perhaps because I have a heartless mother too, although mine hasn't bothered to speak to me since Christmas.

Op a horrible thing to have happened and I imagine you're feeling more sensitive with being pregnant.

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 04/03/2016 10:53

Lol if this was me and I told my mum this happened , she'd be wanting to report this woman to the police on behalf of me hahaha!

Well I'm glad you find it funny that you're lucky enough to have a supportive mother and the OP isn't Hmm

Emzyt1 · 04/03/2016 10:54

Oh and Op I'm 4 months pregnant on Sunday! When are you due ?

Original poster
vandasma · 04/03/2016 10:54

Emzyt1 - sigh if only. Even my boss was outraged on my behalf.

OP posts:
blondieblonde · 04/03/2016 10:59

YANBU, but don't fall out with her just as baby number two arrives: you are going to need the babysitting! Even if she is a cold-hearted matron.

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