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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to mourn the space where my mother's heart should be?

108 replies

vandasma · 03/03/2016 22:05

Came home in floods of tears couple days ago after awful commute. Woman on platform took a swing at me when I wouldn't let her push me back into the train and board facing me (there were 2 inches between me and the door, I had to lean my face back when it closed).

Luckily, the guy next to me caught the woman's hand and started shouting at her as did other commuters. (I'm 4 months pregnant, huge bump and "baby on board" badge).

When I got home and told my mum (babysitting that day),she listened to the whole thing and then asked me why I was crying! !

"The man caught her hand right - so she didn't actually hit you? What are you crying about then? "

Unreasonable to burst into tears again? Hubby thinks I should give her a break as her generation were "different."

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 03/03/2016 23:06

PurpleDaisies Never even heard of it... bit weird isn't it. Is it so pregnant people get a seat or what??

I assume it's so people who are worried about getting the "fat or pregnant?" judgement wrong offer their seats to pregnant women, or pregnant women don't get hassled for sitting in priority seating.

comfortblankie · 03/03/2016 23:08

By the title, I thought this was a thread where the mother died, father consented to organ donation and OP was uneasy with the whole thing.

Don't get me wrong, it's awful when people push onto public transport, but we all do inconsiderate things when we're truly stressed.

AdjustableWench · 03/03/2016 23:08

I don't have a problem with your title, although when I clicked I was expecting a dead mother scenario, so I was a bit confused at first.

I also don't think you're unreasonable for expecting more sympathy from your mother. If someone took a swing for my pregnant daughter I'd be raging.

I'm really glad the guy next to you caught the woman's hand, and that you're physically ok. I hope you'll feel better soon.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 03/03/2016 23:09

I think I would feel highly emotional if some had taken a swing at me when I was pregnant

Or at any other time

PurpleDaisies · 03/03/2016 23:09

That's a bit of a harsh biscuit isn't it comfort? Someone took a swing at the op. That's more than just pushing...

Natkingcole9 · 03/03/2016 23:10

PurpleDaisies
Thats actually a really good idea. Interesting!

liz70 · 03/03/2016 23:11

Give the OP a break FCOL. Pregnancy hormones can make some women a bit over emotional at times.

And I can't imagine how anyone thought the thread title was about losing ones mother. I thought it was quite clearly about the OP's DM being hard-hearted.

PurpleDaisies · 03/03/2016 23:11

Thanks! I have to confess all my "wisdom" comes from reading a Facebook post literally yesterday. Two days ago is have been asking the same questions as you.

VagueIdeas · 03/03/2016 23:12

I'm sorry you're getting a hard time OP, I would be very shaken up if a fellow commuter tried to punch me in the face, pregnant or not pregnant. Some people really are scum.

The fact your mother seems to think you have no reason to be shaken up, because you weren't actually punched, is pretty awful. But I'm guessing you're used to feeling belittled and let down by her?

WorraLiberty · 03/03/2016 23:12

Horrible thing to have happened OP.

What is your relationship with your Mum usually like?

If this was out of character for her, I'd let it go.

Your title is very melodramatic and if (just an if because obviously I wasn't there) you were similarly OTT while explaining to your Mum, perhaps that made her a bit sharp, especially after babysitting all day?

Grapejuicerocks · 03/03/2016 23:13

The thread title is bloody obviously stating she is talking about a cold unfeeling mother. You can't possibly interpret it as anything else if you've half a brain cell

A bit melodramatic but Yanbu to want sympathy after someone takes a swing at you. Anyway you've got an excuse. Hormones.

If this is the latest in a long line of unsympathetic comments from dm, then it's a shame. Try spelling it out to her what you need. Just be aware that you might actually be a bit too needy though. Are you?

pippistrelle · 03/03/2016 23:14

so you honestly thought the post was someone asking permission to mourn a dead parent?

I did, and I clicked on it because it had no posts at that time and I was concerned that someone was in despair and alone (in the online sense).

BigQueenBee · 03/03/2016 23:20

I would want my Mom to comfort me no matter what my age or circumstances. Your Mom sounds like a cold fish,

SilverBirchWithout · 03/03/2016 23:23

Can you get badges to indicate you are just fat/obese/big-boned so people don't think you are pregnant?

Ditsy4 · 03/03/2016 23:24

Mumsnet at its best!

OP I think that was a very scary situation for you. Thank goodness there was a knight in shining armour nearby or it could have been very nasty.
Your mother wasn't there so won't know the full situation but she isn't being helpful. Have a mum's hug from me. You have had a horrible shock and the tears were because you were home in your own safe environment. Your mum may feel sorry in a day or two that she reacted the way she did. Take things easy this weekend.

alltheworld · 03/03/2016 23:26

Why do you have a huge bump at four months?
You are right to be upset by the incident but I think you are being harsh on your mum due to hormones.

PurpleDaisies · 03/03/2016 23:28

Why do you have a huge bump at four months?

This wins the prize for most irrelevant and ridiculous question on the thread.

BigQueenBee · 03/03/2016 23:32

I think there are some weird posters on here. I dont think OP overreacted. If others do I think they are they are the epitome of cold fishiness,

Realfootyfan · 03/03/2016 23:33

It sounds like a really unpleasant experience OP. I know how sensitive you can feel when pregnant and feeling vulnerable. I still remember being really upset about a train-related altercation when eight months pregnant.

I imagine that your mother is often not very supportive, and the cumulative effect can really get you down. I wonder if the pregnancy is highlighting these feelings as you are thinking about the kind of mother you intend to be and what you feel you missed out on.

Hopefully you have other, more caring people around you that will provide what your mother doesn't seem capable of giving.

FWIW I would be furious if anyone had a go at my pregnant daughter. Wishing you well.

ohtheholidays · 03/03/2016 23:59

The women who tried to assault you was unhinged!

I'm glad someone was looking out for you,you must have been terrified,I'm not surpised you were so upset!

And no YANBU if it had been the other way round and someone had gone to hit your Mother I'm sure she wouldn't have liked getting the response from you that she gave.

CantChoose · 04/03/2016 00:24

I would have been upset too and would have expected a much more sympathetic reation - ideally outrage! While I agree with other posters that your post is a smidge OTT, I don't think it implied any actual death...

I can confirm that the pregnancy badges are considered completely normal in London :) I see them all the time.

AIBU to mourn the space where my mother's heart should be?

kawliga · 04/03/2016 00:40

I'm guessing OP's mum has form for this. If so, YANBU. But if it was out of character, maybe it was just tiredness from whole day of babysitting, in which case YABU. We need to know more about your mum to decide whether YABU or YANBU.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 04/03/2016 00:40

It really is a very melodramatic thread title, isn't it!

Damselindestress · 04/03/2016 01:01

Of course it's upsetting for someone to be so aggressive towards you, especially when you are pregnant. Being attacked triggers a fight or flight reaction and release of adrenalin that can lead to panic, which takes a while to go away afterwards. It doesn't matter that the punch didn't land, your body thought it was going to and reacted accordingly. It's understandable to be upset in that situation and your mother should have been sympathetic. As other people have said, I'd have to know if this was usual for her or a bad attack of foot in mouth disease to judge if she is really heartless. YANBU to be upset though.

I can't believe a previous poster is justifying the person throwing a punch as "just trying to get to work" I hate the morning commute but I don't try to punch people! That's not normal or acceptable behaviour!

leelu66 · 04/03/2016 01:09

YANBU. My mum would be raging about that woman.

Is this an isolated incident or does your mum often minimise things that happen to you?

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