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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to mourn the space where my mother's heart should be?

108 replies

vandasma · 03/03/2016 22:05

Came home in floods of tears couple days ago after awful commute. Woman on platform took a swing at me when I wouldn't let her push me back into the train and board facing me (there were 2 inches between me and the door, I had to lean my face back when it closed).

Luckily, the guy next to me caught the woman's hand and started shouting at her as did other commuters. (I'm 4 months pregnant, huge bump and "baby on board" badge).

When I got home and told my mum (babysitting that day),she listened to the whole thing and then asked me why I was crying! !

"The man caught her hand right - so she didn't actually hit you? What are you crying about then? "

Unreasonable to burst into tears again? Hubby thinks I should give her a break as her generation were "different."

OP posts:
leelu66 · 04/03/2016 01:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SnobblyBobbly · 04/03/2016 03:12

I like SilverBirch's idea! I might get one of those myself that says 'Relax. I'm just fat' Grin

Original poster
vandasma · 04/03/2016 04:32

Lots of people asked if mum was usually insensitive - not sure I'd go that far but she is made from tough stuff and really doesn't understand where I get my "sensitivity" from.

Her first response to any kind of grumble is the time she faced the same thing, only 50 times worse and with both hands behind her back....

OP posts:
Original poster
vandasma · 04/03/2016 04:33

Oh how therapeutic to post on here (first timer) - even the narky posts were useful.

All the world - this is my 3rd pregnancy, tummy muscles are shot and I'm having twins

Will definitely need one of SilverBirch's "I'm just fat badges" after this is over. (Though I won't be commuting into London anymore - maybe just wear it round the village to signal my body acceptance).

Purple Daisies - you had me chortling so loud dh looked at me funny

OP posts:
Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 04/03/2016 05:34

Seriously..... I though ... Gosh I can empathise with this woman, it's my 2nd Mother's Day without my mum!!!!

Sorry your mum can't empathise with your situation !!! Mine can't either!!!
Totally insensitive with Mother's Day approaching.

Drama lama title!!!!

hesterton · 04/03/2016 06:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AwfulBeryl · 04/03/2016 06:27

Nothing wrong with the thread title, it was obvious what you meant.
There are some really nasty people on here.

PansOnFire · 04/03/2016 06:38

It's perfectly clear what the thread title meant, I don't understand how people are interpreting it as mourning a deceased parent?

And I certainly don't agree that the OP is being melodramatic - someone took a swing at her! Pregnant or not that's scary, being pregnant makes it a whole lot worse and her mother should have been more understanding.

Mumsnet is weird. OP, YANBU.

Concerned97 · 04/03/2016 06:47

*Why do you have a huge bump at four months?

This wins the prize for most irrelevant and ridiculous question on the thread.*

Good point!!!!

BalloonSlayer · 04/03/2016 06:50

Can't blame you for crying - it's the shock. Try to focus on how many people leapt to protect you though, actually reading that bit rather warmed the cockles of my heart.

My Mum would probably be a bit brisk and "well never mind it's over now" or more likely the massively helpful "well that's why I didn't commute to London when I was pregnant." Hmm She always used to say she didn't sympathise much if eg we fell over as children as "that makes children cry more" - funnily enough I do sympathise with my DC and I think they stop crying much quicker once they realise that I know they are hurt and they care. (I was in charge of a child recently who had been hurt and was distraught; he calmed down pretty quick when I expressed how upset on his behalf and cross I was over what had hurt him.)

Flowers Hope you are feeling better.

diddl · 04/03/2016 06:52

I agree that she could have shown some sympathy, but I wonder if she was trying to stop you getting even more upset & wound up about it iyswim.

Katenka · 04/03/2016 06:53

Honestly I can see why your mum thinks you are over reacting. Given the title of your post. It's does smack of the melodramatic.

But you are pregnant and I imagine it was a upsetting. Maybe not to the degree you have taken it to.

The title did make me think your DM had passed and donated her organs.

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. You are upset but maybe taking a bit too far, she doesn't get that.

I wasn't particularly emotional during pregnancy. Actually the opposite. Maybe she wasn't and just doesn't get that it makes some people more emotional.

WaxyBean · 04/03/2016 06:58

You're pregnant, you have a hideous commute. You can therefore never be unreasonable. Have my sympathies for such a crappy day.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 04/03/2016 06:58

Ffs. Op is 4 months pg with twins and someone tried to punch her. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I am mourning the space where mumsnetters' hearts should be. Sad

pilates · 04/03/2016 07:07

Sorry for your horrible day, but the title of your post is OTT.

Original poster
vandasma · 04/03/2016 07:09

Seriouslysometimes - condolences for your mum.

Did you never moan about her when she was around?

OP posts:
Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 04/03/2016 07:19

Nope.... She lost her mum when she was my age and always taught me that generations deal with things differently!
Don't get me wrong what this woman did to you was appalling ... The title to the thread is misleading.
Congratulations on your pregnancy X

mrshudson221b · 04/03/2016 07:25

I do not think the thread title is insensitive at all. Maybe a touch melodramatic but not insensitive. My Mum is no longer here but someone else's post about an annoyance they have re. their Mum is about them, not about me.

And the thread title does not sound like it refers to organ donation Confused.

OP I hope you feel better soon. Having someone try to hit you is awful. I was once sworn at really awfully and couldn't stop crying afterwards. Aggression from other people is very hard to handle (and of course this would have been physical assault).

redexpat · 04/03/2016 07:25

Aah so your DM is the competitive misery type. I hate those. At least you know for future reference that if you need sympathy, then talk to someone else. Does she minimalise violence in other contexts?

But what a decent man you happened to be standing near. Focus on how lovely he was.

And lorelai is my new favourite poster.

LettingAgentNightmare · 04/03/2016 07:28

I think it's a little bit odd to be wearing a baby on board badge at 4 months Hmm

Katenka · 04/03/2016 07:30

And the thread title does not sound like it refers to organ donation

to you. It does to me.

LuciaInFurs · 04/03/2016 07:31

OP, sorry that this happened to you. I have similar issues with my mother. When my husband was run off the road by a boy racer and our only car totalled, (my husband relies on his car for work), she said that it was a fifteen year old car and not to be too bothered, she then started talking about the new car she was putting a deposit down on!

Hope you're feeling better today Flowers

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 04/03/2016 07:32

My mother would probably have reacted similarly to yours op and I can attest to ho upsetting it is so I don't think yabu.when something shit happens and you are in a bit of shock you need some sympathy from those around you, especially if you are lucky enough to have your mum there.I can only hope she didn't twig how upset you were by it rather than that she did it to be unkind.
In essence you have been the victim of an unwarranted assault.of course there's a bit of shoving in the tube, but there's a big difference between that and having another passenger feel it necessary to intervene on your behalf because someone has gone to lamp you one.That would be distressing for anyone,pregnant or not.
I wonder if those posting that it's a normal part of commuting would feel differently if they saw someone being attacked, unprovoked just walking down the street? Why does the fact that it was on a crowded train make it ok? Confused

Footle · 04/03/2016 07:32

Lettingagent, if you RTFT you might think it less odd.

scribblegirl · 04/03/2016 07:35

letting, the babes are actually more helpful in the earlier months when you're battling fatigue, morning sickness etc. and people can't tell. I imagine that when the OP is 9 months gone with twins the badge will be pretty obsolete Grin