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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shoes off house rule

840 replies

BettyBi0 · 02/03/2016 16:11

So we have a shoes off rule in our house. Mainly because of the grubby London streets and dog poo everywhere locally plus a floor licking toddler.

Every time my parents visit I have to ask them to take their shoes off. EVERY Fing TIME! They act like its such a massive imposition.

AIBU or would you just shut up and put up?

OP posts:
Pyjamaramadrama · 03/03/2016 11:18

And yes, shoes off is often cultural, and no that doesn't mean it's beyond criticism but it does mean it's not about class.

I'm not aspiring middle class for me it's more a fear of germs. It's not always logical, I'd let my children crawl and play on the grass in the park but it would depend which park. Some parks round here are horrible lots of litter and dog poo. But that's outside, it's beyond my control.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 03/03/2016 11:18

Squoosh it's not madness when your in laws buy you several thousand pounds worth of silk carpet for a wedding gift. Sorry but the removal man should have brought plastic over slippers - he forgot, not my problem. It's still gross to traipse dirt around the house. EVERYONE has to take shoes off in DH's culture - I cannot cogently express how rude they consider it if you don't!

squoosh · 03/03/2016 11:20

Where are these places where every single visitor and tradesperson automatically takes their shoes off without being asked? Is it a regional thing?

I'm Irish and have never encountered it there and I live in Scotland and have never encountered it here either.

Pyjamaramadrama · 03/03/2016 11:20

I had a delivery yesterday and the delivery guys trod mud all the way up the stairs and all over the landing. Is that really fair?

squoosh · 03/03/2016 11:22

And was the removal man aware of your husband's cultural norms?

I doubt it.

Aworldofmyown · 03/03/2016 11:22

Its not a class thing, I just don't want fucking mud and shit march into my carpet.

clearly not classy with use of swearing

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 03/03/2016 11:25

Well his choice was to go back to the depot and get plastic covers for his fucking filthy shoes OR crack on and leave his shoes at the door squosh He chose the latter...

I don't care if I am aspirational middle class settee dwelling object of snobbery - I just don't want shit crumbs in my house!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/03/2016 11:25

Schnitzel
Grin

squoosh · 03/03/2016 11:26

Okaaaaay then YoungGirl.

JapanNextYear · 03/03/2016 11:31

If I lived on my own I would have a shoes off house. Lived in Japan and really like that aspect of it. I would provide slippers and it would be calm and lovely.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 03/03/2016 11:32

It's really hard to explain how rude it is to wear shoes indoors in Persian culture. It's the equivalent of telling someone that their house is a shithole and that you don't respect them. And that you have all the social graces of someone who wipes bogies on the corner of the sofa....

There really is no equivalent that I can think of! But it explains why they bother to spend so much time and effort on rug weaving I suppose!

squoosh · 03/03/2016 11:34

I think we get it!

RidersOnTheStorm · 03/03/2016 11:39

It's really hard to explain how rude it is to wear shoes indoors in Persian culture.

I get that but this is the UK where it's rude to ask people to remove shoes.

Frostycake · 03/03/2016 11:42

No, ChazsBrilliantAttitude obviously not laughing at cultures/religions who remove shoes for cultural/religious reasons.

It's poking fun at affectations of us commoners who think our precious floors are too good for feet to walk on them. I count myself a commoner by the way and not above being laughed at.

It does appear to be a class divide though with the huge rise in the aspirational classes over recent decades.

LaurieMarlow · 03/03/2016 11:45

Different cultures can be radically different in what's deemed rude / polite. Some cultures think tissues are utterly disgusting and would prefer swipe with a hand/wipe on clothes. Doesn't mean it's acceptable round here.

BringMeTea · 03/03/2016 11:46

What Riders said....

ifgrandmahadawilly · 03/03/2016 11:52

I think it's a bit rude and nit-picky to ask people to take their shoes off.

That said, if someone tells me that that's the rule at their house I would just automatically take mine off on subsequent visits (and silently judge and resent you for being an overly precious germa-phobe).

ZedWoman · 03/03/2016 11:56

To be honest, anyone who judges me as 'common' or 'aspirational lower class' based on being asked to take off their shoes would have formed that opinion of me long before crossing the threshold of my home.

The moment they'd driven into the 1970s estate in the characterless commuter town, parked on the block-paved drive and hit the faux-brass knocker on the UPVC door they would already have decided I was utterly without class, taste and breeding.

Personally, I don't give a shit. As long as they take their shoes off before coming in the living room/lounge/morning room or wahtever the fuck it's called, I don't care.

I don't tend to mix with people who would judge me for that type of thing, so the risk of it happening is minimal.

Any plumber/tradesperson who worked on the house and didn't automatically use protective sheets on the floor if keeping their shoes on wouldn't be employed by me a second time. In all honesty, it has never happened.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 03/03/2016 12:06

Exactly Zed - this is one of those "only on MN" issues.

I also don't think it is a cultural norm in the UK to leave shoes on (or off) - it's a personal choice here. I don't think it's rude either way any more than (say) not expecting to eat steak when going for dinner at a veggie couple's house. It's a non-issue in RL.

Iggi999 · 03/03/2016 12:07

When I am going about in just socks I always feel like I'm in softplay. I don't like softplay.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 03/03/2016 12:23

You can buy shoe covers. They are like little blue shower caps for your shoes. Is this a solution?

Also, I read this from earlier in the thread and totally agreed:

"Hmm. I always assume that shoes off houses will also have serviettes and lounges and settees and they eat sweet instead of pudding. It's all a bit laboured delicacy. I do it, but I judge people".

I grew up in a very working class are and the very few people I met who insisted on 'shoes off' were very much the type who were trying so very, very hard to be middle class and just utterly failing at it.

JessieMcJessie · 03/03/2016 12:24

Shoes-off people - a question.

If you work in an office, where I think you'd readily agree the rule is 100% "shoes on", do you actually believe that the floor is encrusted with shit, fag ends and toxins?

Must be terribly distressing for you when you drop the stapler.

Natsku · 03/03/2016 12:26

The few offices I've been in here the people switch to indoor shoes JessiesMcJessie

Natsku · 03/03/2016 12:27

Visitors to the office weren't asked to take their shoes off, just the people that worked there mostly switched their shoes when they arrived.

ZedWoman · 03/03/2016 12:29

Jessie I work in a school science laboratory (part time - hence not working today).

Trust me, I would never take my shoes off. I know what ends up on the floor, and toxins are definitely included (as well as broken glass). It drives me nuts when I see students leaving their jackets/blazers on the floor (partciularly when there are perfectly good coat hooks). Taking shoes off/sitting on the floor (yes, I've seen it) is a big no-no.

In the summer I am usually a flip-flops/sandals person. I always wear fully enclosed shoes at work. I always take my work shoes off when I get home.